The power of sugar and spice and everything nice.

There is something to be said for pretending to be too dumb to notice someone tried to offend you and to get under your skin. Suppose you notice someone trying to make you jealous, and you don’t care. When you over-emphasize how you don’t care, you may seem that you care very much. How about you act obviously more the way you feel instead: “Oh, I’m so happy you’ve found each other! You look so cute together!” You’re happy they’ve moved on after all.

You really don’t care => You’re happy it’s happening.

You don’t want to argue => Joke around even if it kills you, and you get no laughs.

You cannot believe they’re serious => Act just that way; you don’t think they’re serious, how funny.

They’re potato sacking (being deliberately helpless and weak for extra attention and help) => Make fun of their stupidity/lack of action/forwardness – if you still like them, make warm, cuddly jokes; if you’re rather done with them, up the ante and make it obvious the play won’t get your love but ridicule.

Someone’s trying to inclusiveness principle and woke their way into your bed => Just laugh at the idea of having to sleep with a fat girl/black person just to prove you’re woke/not a racist.

“You’re never going to find a guy/girl like that!” => Laugh at the thought they think they can lower your bar so much it’s going to make them a viable option to the perfect guy/girl.

They try to make you commit to a relationship with a moral argument. => Cute, innit?

They’re using a negative label of you to alter your behavior. => Just remind yourself how wrong they are, and then make a joke about how glad you are that they are not a psychologist. “Oh, you are? Oh, in that case, I’m glad I’m not your client!”

A woman demands respect for women in the form of lowered standards or protection. => Laugh at the thought of how modern women want to be treated like Victorian virgins in the name of “respect,” and how First Wave feminists would be astonished to find the modern woman fighting for their right to be treated like they fought to be liberated from.

Someone is telling you how you’re doing something harmful to yourself. => Laugh at the notion of there being this idea that a legal adult to be able to choose from all the legal options out there what they can handle and what they can’t handle as an individual, and those adults who still wish to treat them like a minor despite these laws…

Someone is trying to make you see how you could be happier *by doing the very thing you don’t want to do* => Dismiss it by the notion that another man’s dream is another man’s trap.

Someone is guilt-tripping you to save the planet by… => Compare your impact on the environment to the impact of one single company in India that is still pumping toxic waste into the ocean… And direct them to go preach to them instead.

Whatever makes you feel outraged, just imagine yourself being a stand-up comedian and telling the story of this interaction later on stage… Give it a moment, and find the funny part of it all.

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