The True Emotion Mirror conflict – how all of your relationship values can turn on their head.
Meeting your True Emotion Mirror can make you feel things you never thought you would. Ownership, jealousy, anger on top of all that love that you never associated being linked to love. You know other people feel those things for people whom they should never even consider theirs, and you may feel shocked at your own feelings toward someone who, just a moment ago, was completely unknown to you.
While there is possessive love that has nothing to do with True Emotion Mirrors, the True Emotion Mirror possessiveness has a different flavor – and feels good for both of you. Avoiding it is, thus, not a good idea. Still, a little caution is advised, given that it is easy to project one’s feelings to someone who isn’t your True Emotion Mirror. Thus, remaining objective about how they might feel about you is crucial so you don’t step where you shouldn’t.
Is this your True Emotion Mirror or not?
The very start of my project revolved around trying to decide if someone is actually your True Emotion Mirror or not. I started from the position when you’re certain about your own feelings, but the other person’s behavior leaves a lot to interpretation on whether they feel the same or not. Other people start from their own feelings and end there; but that’s not nearly enough information. Just because YOU feel everything there is to feel, doesn’t mean your emotions are reflected, unfortunately. That, to a lot of us, seems like an obvious, but isn’t to all of us.
Love doesn’t concur all – no matter how much you love someone, doesn’t make them feel great about it unless they feel that same adoration toward you. So the question is; do they love you back?
This is where all signs come in; there are plenty of reasons why people act against their true feelings – so are they acting against their true feelings or according to them?
You’ll find your old pick-up strategies fail so badly.
When you meet a True Emotion Mirror, you’ll easily try your old strategies on someone who truly needs nothing but your honesty. You’ll play hard to get; you feign disinterest or aloofness, and you try to make them jealous only to see them leave you alone because you seem to be happy with someone else.
My first piece of advice is: If you don’t know what to do and you’re too scared to be honest, don’t do anything just yet. Don’t rush. Try to “feel” them. Try to “know” them without knowing. You’d be surprised. At worst, you’ll break their heart if you try to convince them your play is real, and it’ll be really difficult to come back from that.
You’ll go a little bit crazy.
One of the side effect of true love is mild insanity. You may become telepathic, experiencing all kinds of supernatural feelings, but at the very least, you’ll start acting “stupid,” a bit like you always swore you would never act over a girl or a boy for as long as you live. Oops.
They’ll make you feel insecure in whether you’re good enough.
Your True Emotion Mirror doesn’t have to say anything in specific to make you feel like you might not be good enough for them. No matter HOW SELF-CONFIDENT YOU USUALLY ARE, meeting your True Emotion Mirror will make you feel like you might not be quite enough. The only way to get over this, basically, is to know that’s how we all feel… And stop thinking about it too much.
If they SAY something nasty to you, it’s usually because they already feel so strongly you’re too good for them (and think so, too, even if you didn’t) so they want to slam you down a peg, just so they’d feel a little more likely to be good enough. However, as you already felt insecure, this slap will not feel good to you, at all. Just it’s good to know they slapped because you made them feel insecure and not good enough, not because they actually felt you weren’t good enough.
When is the rejection real?
True Emotion Mirrors do reject each other from time to time, and they interpret a rejection where it wasn’t much more often. It’s as easy as one of you dressing a certain way, and the other NOT COPYING your style, may, to some True Emotion Mirrors feel like a rejection. Others would never copy your style because they believe you’d seem weak and insecure in who you are if you did.
FEELING rejected is a common problem in True Emotion Mirrors whose dating culture is very different. It is also a good question where we get these ideas to begin with, but… We do. The “I love/want you” signal maybe completely lost and as it falls into the ether without meeting the recipient, the following feeling is rejection.
True Emotion Mirrors can be OVERLY SENSITIVE to a perceived rejection, where as non-TrEmoRs seem to NOT read a rejection even in the strongest of rejections. The reason being that non-True Emotion Mirrors’ values are different, therefore, they always see THEMSELVES as the superior, and thus whatever the other person does, is actions of an inferior, and themselves is the price in the tradeoff. Everybody is always their own idea of ideal, and the more different you are to them, the further away from their ideal you are. (This is mainly a style and value, not a race thing, btw.)
Communication problems: trying to act casual will make you seem disinterested.
Everybody, with their True Emotion Mirror is somewhat “shot.” They feel everything very much as a sensitive, hurtful thing. Therefore, they may read insults where insults weren’t intended. Every insecurity is heightened, and thus, this leads to communication problems, as one tries to play down their feelings, the other again interprets that as a rejection or “a gentle let off,” or “ghosting.” Typically, we’re advised to not act too eager when we’re interested in someone, but with a True Emotion Mirror you rarely can act eager enough to make them certain you want them. You CANNOT be true eager with an actual True Emotion Mirror, even if you got banned and blocked with the same eagerness from every other type of a relationship.
Trust me; this goes for all of your relationships; if you want to pretend like you don’t care, your counterpart will believe you. It’s better to be TOO EAGER than not eager enough – your true relationships will withstand too eager, but they won’t survive not eager enough. If something falls apart on too eager, it was never meant to be anyway.
It is OK to push a little.
We often feel the need to not pressure another person into a relationship if we know how annoying that feels to someone who isn’t interested in that relationship. However, if you feel like this toward someone, you should push a little bit… and a little bit more than you feel comfortable doing. If they are your True Emotion Mirror, they may need a bit of reassurance that you are actually seriously interested in them, rather than just after an easy fuck or an easy relationship that is being tangled in front of you on a silver platter.
When it’s your True Emotion Mirror, pressure feels good. It feels flattering, which is another “turn on it’s head” feeling when it comes to other relationships. It’s like being commanded to “eat this damned delicious chocolate cake that, by some miracle has like 5 calories in the whole thing, or die, mothafucka.” Not really an unpleasant demand, right, but might feel a little too good to be true… and might make you suspicious given we’re told that whatever seems too good to be true usually is.
You feel oddly self-confident and not confident at all at the same time.
Your True Emotion Mirror gives you a weird sense of certainty at the same time as you’re like a Bambi on thin ice. You KNOW this is your true love, you KNOW you will, one day, make it together, but you may simultaneously have no idea how to get there. At the same time as you cockily declare this person to be yours, no matter what, you also know you have no idea how to talk to them, how to approach it, or how to make it happen.
It’s like your time apart, lifetimewise, has put just enough crap on your way that you can’t quite safely navigate back together. What might have been easy in another lifetime now seems like a trip through Mordor without a map… With Saruman watching your every move.
Your relationship starts.
Let’s jump ahead to an actual relationship, and leave that complicated question of a true connection to the other thousand posts I’ve written about it.
Jealousy and possessiveness
In a relationship with your True Emotion Mirror, you will, at times, experience jealousy and possessiveness, even if those feelings went against everything you believe to be right about a relationship. You can also feel the opposite; the need to SHARE and even PROSTITUTE your True Emotion Mirror to other people – I kid you not. You may feel they are too good to keep from other members of your own gender; they’re too precious to feel possessive over. These feelings are related to your poly-leaning; polygynous women will feel the need to share their True Emotion Mirror male, and polyandrous men will feel the need to share their female TrEmoR, polygynandrous people feel the need to “spread their love” to other people, both male and female. Only monogamists feel what we expect to feel in a true love relationship.
You might test the connection by (gently) acting on your jealous or anti-jealous impulses. You’ll get rejected quite fast if it isn’t what you wish it was. If it is a True Emotion Mirror relationship, you’ll get a pleased smile, not a rejection as a reaction to acting on your impulses.
Sometimes, you feel excluded from a relationship that you feel like you should be included in, but that is also a VERY COMMON reaction to very mundane jealousy that has nothing to do with a True Emotion Mirror relationship, so I’ll leave that one to a mention. Family members and friends especially may feel like they’ve been brutally thrown out, and there’s nothing anyone can do to fix that feeling; True Emotion Mirrors have that air about them; they form a bubble with each other, and nobody can truly ever come inside that bubble (and feel welcome).
Every True Emotion Mirror ever has been inspired by their TrEmoR
One of the funniest things that happens with True Emotion Mirrors, is that they inspire music, art, writing, spirituality, or all of the above in their counterpart. I have gone as far as to say that every (female) True Emotion Mirror has started to write a book about their experiences, without exception. 😀 It comes from half a need to brag, and another half to educate and make others feel the trust in true love; to not give up on that dream that all of the sudden, for them, became a reality… The need to do public service; to spread the gospel so to speak.
This may hit you even if you always thought it was gross how people flaunt their love to others.
What if all of this applies to you but your counterpart still gives you a stinking fuck no.
It is possible that you have feelings like this that are completely one-sided or could go two ways without a sexual or romantic link. Sometimes, you have to settle to having that special someone as a Precious Soulmate rather than a True Emotion Mirror. In this case, you will have to accept two things: 1) You will never have a sexual relationship with them. 2) Someone else will. Are you still interested in a relationship with them is the question.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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