To love well, you need to be fair and just.

Often, we say that a person who lacks love “deserves” love over those who are easier to love. I am not sure the correct verb is used in that sentiment. I believe people who lack love need love, but I am not entirely convinced they DESERVE love.

Being lovable consists of very easily predictable traits, and the lack of those traits also creates a state where they are not loved, obviously. The traits that are needed to be lovable are in the order of importance:

1. Kindness toward others.
2. Awareness of others’ needs and willingness to fulfill those needs to the best of one’s ability and means.
3. A good humor. (It doesn’t mean being a clown, but being generally in a good mood.)
4. Being genuinely funny and humorous.
5. Having enough respect for others to attempt to look presentable to them – to be nice to look at.

Lacking these traits will make a person difficult to love, and when they’re replaced with their opposites, as some people do, the result is not nice. Sometimes people knowingly do the opposite of these things because they want unconditional love, meaning they feel love given for merit is of lesser quality than love given to people who possess those traits. They feel they’d be “cheating” people if they were actually nice to them.

You draw your conclusions about that, as you may well believe that’s the right attitude.

I believe that you must love those who you love.

I believe learning to love the unlovable shouldn’t be an exercise in personal growth. Mainly because loving the unlovable is so cowardly. You don’t really CARE how they feel about you, as every ounce of love given is something they should be grateful for, right? You don’t put yourself at risk of heartbreak when you love people who are not your equals. If they dump you, there’s plenty more where that came from. You may even be relieved to see the back of them. (As if they’d ever leave without being thrown out, lol. Maybe if they find a richer idiot to manipulate.)

When you offer your love to someone who is actually perfect and lovable, it’s SCARY. You know they deserve it, and they deserve your best in everything. You’ll have to be The Best Possible Version of who you are to be WORTHY of someone who deserves the best. Now, why in heaven’s name would you give it all to someone who barely deserves love at all?

If you give unconditional love, you deserve unconditional love in return.

Often, when giving unconditional love to those who want it but deserve none, you also put yourself in the way of people who do not treat you with love – they may love you but not treat you that way. They treat you with cruelty and viciousness, but justify it with the love that they feel for you “deep down.”

I ask you… WOULD THEY stick around if you started to think things the way they do? If they did… Should they? I mean… If all you do is beat each other up mentally and/or physically, what’s the love there for? A mere obsession with sticking together no matter how much it sucks?

Unconditional love means more than taking a punch and sticking around for the next.

Unconditional love, if you TRULY love someone unconditionally, means that you will look out for their best interest, EVEN WHEN you are not friends or barely know each other. It means a politician who makes sure the people in the trenches get fair treatment; it means police officers who treat everyone with respect and fairness despite their background or attitude; it means doctors and nurses who give care to everyone who needs it… It means parents who let their children grow up and leave the nest without losing their parent’s love to bitterness for “being abandoned.”

It does not need to mean letting an unlovable person share your bed with you or letting them call you your best friend or a spouse.

Love thy neighbor, but don’t fucking sleep with them!

Neighbors have their own houses, hopefully, and their beds. If they don’t, you can build them a house and give them a bed if you can and want to but don’t invite them into yours. Love them over that fence. Extend your love to them, and learn healthy boundaries. They are adults, and they should be taking care of themselves by now. If they don’t, by all means, help them, but be sensible about it. Enough is enough, and if you are barely making it, don’t beat yourself up for not giving all you have to them; first, you have to learn how to take care of yourself before wasting energy on others who can’t, either. Especially if you don’t see them trying to help you in any way, especially if all that help always goes from you to them, never the other way around.

Especially in modern societies, people have options. The reason why they are in their situation is quite certainly a choice of some description. There are things they are UNWILLING TO DO in order to improve their circumstances, and they’ve made it clear that they’d rather have YOU do what they don’t want to do and give them the fruits of your labor. At least assume official routes to assistance are available to them if such assistance is available in your country. Still, they may be unwilling to “go beg” when they can be “unconditionally loved” by a passer-by…

That said, I do believe social assistance is a good thing, for now, at least. There will always be people who refuse to work, and that means if they’re not given assistance by official, sophisticated routes, they’ll be on the streets begging. To be fair, some of them would be on the streets begging for work or dancing for their dollar, but they’d be there. Also, I have some ideas how to make that system better, but let’s just leave that to another time.

Redefine what “spiritual” means.

Spirituality is the ability to remain in touch with your inner guidance, not the practice of learning how to love the unlovable – that’s philosophy. Being spiritual means you balance your energies toward what is authentic and truthful and good for you, philosophy is another thing entirely; sometimes screwing with your spirituality quite strongly. Don’t get those two confused…

Spiritual: what you would be as a wild animal.

Philosophy: what you do to your way of thinking through logic, intelligence, and cognitive processes to “improve” the way you are as a wild animal.

Psychology: The practice of trying to undo the damage of warped philosophy.

Manipulation: Using spiritual, philosophical, and psychological principles to further your own status in the society at the expense of other people.

Free Spirit Theory: a psycho-spiritual philosophy to balance spirituality, philosophy, and psychology so you don’t get manipulated by selfish people, and regain your authentic spiritual expression and balance between the thinking human and the animal.

The love you give to those who NEED it is away from those who DESERVE it.

You could be friends with people who are your True Emotion Mirrors*. Every hour you spend with someone who is unlovable and doesn’t deserve your love is away from your Precious Soulmates and True Emotion Mirrors, you realize? Every time you turn your eyes toward someone who is arguing and bitching at you for attention, you turn your eyes away from the one you truly love.

Just let that sink in.

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