To take it personally or to not take it personally? What if it is/not personal?

Suppose you are a provider of a service with a few competitors in a small marketplace. Your customer suddenly swaps over to another provider, and you wonder if it’s personal – is it something you said, is it a vendetta against you, or is it just that your competitor offered a better service or a lower price, or managed to drop unnecessary fluff off their service to create a more competitive price? Should you take it personally? Feel offended, or perhaps check your price points and what the client gets?

Then, also, what if it is not business, but maybe someone else invited a bunch of your friends to a party on the same night as you did? Did they know? Was it personal? A competition? A vendetta?

It’s sometimes maddening trying to second-guess someone else’s motivations in what could be an innocent coincidence or a pure, authentic choice, or it could be a personal attack or vendetta or some form of politics. While taking things personally is very taxing on your person, your mood, and your self-confidence, it can be downright dangerous to not notice when something actually IS a vendetta or a personal attack on you. It is not smart to think that every time something could be either or that it is always one or the other simply because “you’re you, and everyone hates you.” It is unlikely that everyone hates you. (Just think of it; even Amber Heard still has defenders! If she can pull it off, so can you! 😉 )

(No. I’m not going to erase that. You have to remember I am not a professional counselor and that I may have my biases. 😉 I also have a side I’m on; the truth supported by actual evidence. Personal attack or education… Perhaps both? You be the judge.)

Now. To paint myself into a very uncomfortable corner: Personal attacks MAY BE jealousy, right? That is also a very lazy way to explain attacks against yourself, as it is not ALWAYS jealousy. It is not ALWAYS sabotage against someone better, stronger, or more accomplished than yourself, even if it might be seen that way. It is not ALWAYS an attempt to gain your attention or to beg for your love. But it truly can be.

You may not know what makes others feel threatened by you; be it your good looks that you take for granted, maybe your success in business or politics, perhaps it’s your higher-status spouse, maybe you didn’t notice that your good grades or notorious IQ makes people feel like they’re not good enough for you, so they react like kids do: “OK, BE like that, we’re going to diss you now!” Maybe they’re right, and you feel too good for them? Who knows?

Then, there are people who think that the one in the lead is always the one who has the lowest self-esteem; after all, they have to fake a lot, and they must be exhausted. But what if they’re not faking it? What if they are doing what they’re doing with relative ease? Will that change your thinking?

Here’s one way to find out whether it was personal or not. Act as if it wasn’t. Be friendly and engaging with the same people you suspect to have attacked you. If they meant it as a personal attack, they’d find a way to make you aware you’re not welcome (anymore). They’re going to double down on the attack until you get it. If they welcome you as if nothing had happened to them, nothing did, in fact, happen, and you’re the only one feeling insulted over what was never intended to be an insult.

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