Traumas by age (Childhood, teen age, adult, elder)

A childhood trauma is caused by the feeling that nobody cares for you. Physical care is lacking or is even accompanied by physical, mental, and, of course, sexual abuse. “Nobody/my parents/mother/father cares whether I live or die. I am worthless. (I am usable, for other people’s consumption only.)”

A childhood trauma can also be caused by strong control of behavior and self-expression: “You are not permitted to be who you are. Who you are is wrong/worthless/hateful/disgusting/dirty/loud/obnoxious.”

Another way to cause a childhood trauma to develop is not instructing the child ENOUGH or instructing them TOO MUCH. There has to be a balance between instruction (care) and freedom to explore. Too much control over the child’s choices makes the child insecure and unable to think for themselves and experiment with new ideas. “My mother/father thinks I’m incurably stupid.  They think I’d wind up accidentally killing myself if I did anything on my own accord. (Better watch my step… Carefully. Because I’m too stupid to function like others.)” Too little control makes the child feel free to hang themselves with more than enough rope: “Nobody cares whether I live or die. I might as well jump off the cliff and nobody would run to save me.” (Good general rule; instruct when the child is in the harm’s way or if their behavior would make them embarrass themselves if they did that as an adult – within reason, as in, do not allow public nudity but allow bad art. When expressing oneself is concerned, inform the child when some topics (sexual stuff like why daddy has a penis) must be discussed in a private setting, rather than shut them up completely.)

Ironically, teen and adult traumas are a result of too much care that is fit for children only. Perhaps given by people who suffer from a childhood trauma themselves. As a person who hasn’t been given the care they needed as a child grows up, they attempt to fix it all by caring for even adults the same way they still crave to be cared for. (It is important people will solve their own traumas before trying to help others, as their vision isn’t clear.)

Teenage trauma is created by not allowing a child to develop their own sense of self and to become autonomous (self-governing). “You are not capable. You lack in qualities required from an actual adult.”

Adulthood trauma is often a continuance of either childhood or teenage traumas: “I am unable to take care of myself/self-actualize. I am not a real adult/human being.” With too  much external control on an adult’s behavior, you make an adult feel trapped or jailed, while innocent to any crime. “I lack freedom that I deserve as a responsible adult.” An adulthood trauma can also be a result of not being able to find romantic/sexual love. “I am in an emotional void/deprivation.”

An elder gets traumatized by the removal of self; “you are too old to have an opinion/to decide for yourself. Your right to self-govern has expired.” It can also be caused again by a lack of care or attention and loneliness: “Nobody misses me. I was worthless to other people. People don’t care whether I live or die.”

Trauma or just something that happened?

Not everyone gets traumatized by what they experience. There are people who go through sexual abuse as a child and are able to get over it. The difference between the two types of people, I believe, is that the traumatized people make it a self-defining trait: “I am worthless. I am a non-human.”

People who are able to see it as something that is done to them or happened to them, grow past it without a trauma. This, I believe is an old soul trick: “My parents are worthless, my parents did this, it is not MY fault.” It still doesn’t make it easy, and it doesn’t mean that the events do not have a strong negative impact on a person’s life, but I wouldn’t call it an actual trauma, per se. As long as you still hold the perspective and ability to dissect and understand the events and how they ARE rather than FEEL LIKE, the trauma isn’t “sticking”.

(This sounds like regular psychology. While I believe it to be valid, this text is a result of my own observation.)

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