“Insanity” is one of the words that strike us when we first meet our True Emotion Mirrors, and the word is not going to leave us in peace for potentially years to come. There are several special blends of insanity that have commonalities with a True Emotion Mirror union, two of the first to pop into mind is schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder; one, you may hear “voices” and secondly, you may feel like you’ve split into two personalities, inside your head. However, you’ll only need a quick read on Wikipedia to know that these are not your issues (schizophrenic voices are “outside” your head and aggressive, and split personality would require others to see you change where as you wouldn’t be aware of it), but I wanted to write about two psychological problems that others may worry about on your behalf, or may confuse you otherwise.

True Emotion Mirrors and commitment phobia

Commitment phobia is a fear of committing to the wrong person and never being able to say “enough is enough”. In a sense, commitment phobia is a form of incurable romanticism, if you look at it from a True Emotion Mirror perspective. A commitment phobic is not someone who is going to settle for a simple connection when there is true love to be found. Once a person does find their True Emotion Mirror, it will be extremely hard on them to settle for anything less, and their undying love for their True Emotion Mirror may appear obsessive and unrealistic. Their inability to fall in love with anyone else can be seen as commitment phobia; idolisation of an unattainable person with the purpose of giving them an excuse to not become too close with anyone else. Unfortunately it is quite impossible for a person who hasn’t met their True Emotion Mirror to understand this kind of love that may have never been actualised, but that has left the person rattled to the core and unable to love anyone else. Whether this is a question of true commitment phobia – if there is such a thing, who could blame anyone for wanting to wait for true love – depends on what causes the phobia and how rational or irrational it is. Irrational phobia would come from a belief that “every man/woman is the same”, “they will all betray me” or other generalisation that simply isn’t true. “I’m still looking for the right one” is not a question of commitment phobia but at worst unrealistic expectations and at best… Knowledge that there is a True Emotion Mirror soul mate waiting.

True Emotion Mirrors and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

Unfortunately the intense emotional field that is characteristic to True Emotion Mirrors can be imitated in a relationship with a person with a NPD, which may lead you or your loved ones to question whether this love you feel is normal. A narcissist is a person who is very capable in functioning as a mirror to your emotions. In a sense they are an empty vessel themselves, and they function by changing their characteristics into anything that they see in front of them. They are a chameleon of emotions, opineons and thoughts. This ability makes them look like your soul mate, someone who understands you fully, but who, in fact, is only mimicking your traits without having actual understanding of who you are at all – and even less of an understanding of who they are themselves. This of course creates a True Emotion Mirror -like kinship and bond that feels surreal and quite unbelievable – it is not every day you meet someone who loves everything you love and thinks exactly the same way as you. The narcissist is as capable of sensing your deepest dreams as well as your deepest fears, and by balancing the both he or she will be in complete control of your emotional field once you give them the opportunity to be. The emotional highs of a narcissistic relationship can be close to those that are familiar with a True Emotion Mirror. People who have previous life experience with their True Emotion Mirrors may be drawn into these relationships, because a normal, uneventful relationship doesn’t quite feel right to them, especially at a young age, when they haven’t got the life experience to tell who can be trusted and who cannot. Similarly to True Emotion Mirror relationships, the narcissistic ones also often start at a young age or when the person has gone through a life changing, traumatic experience. In both cases, the new partner will appear as a saviour, who will make them better, but in case of the narcissist, this is only a prelude to abuse designed to last years.

The narcissist works in the following pattern: Appear when the victim is at his or her lowest. Build them up with unparalleled love and devotion, they give them all the attention they could possibly need or grave and fulfil their every need. They will convince the victim that they are special, and that they deserve so much better than what they are getting. The narcissist will be extremely charming and will charm the victims parents and friends without much difficulty at all – at first. This premises will be used against them in the future by convincing the victim that their friends and family are not good enough for them and that they should cut all contact to them, but at this stage it is all about building up the victim’s ego and making them feel dependent on the narcissist for their emotional needs. This will be the love story of a century.

When the relationship develops, if at all possible, there will be a pregnancy, possibly unplanned one organised by the narcissist. This will ensure a life long bond between the victim and the narcissist, and further emotional hooks attached to the victim. It is during the pregnancy that the mental abuse will usually start. The purpose is to chip away the freshly built self-esteem and replacing it with doubts of self-worth and certainty that there is nobody in this world who would love the victim the way the narcissist does, because they are inherently unlovable to anyone else. This change of behaviour is explained away with too much pressure from work or unemployment, which ever fits, and the narcissist will make every effort to apologise in a way that the victim has never been apologised to before. This is the kind of emotional pushing and pulling that will confuse the victim enough to not know what to believe about their situation. On the other hand, they feel supported and loved, but on the other, the narcissist is displaying worrying qualities. At this stage however, the victim has declared his or her undying love for the narcissist to friends and family, most of which are already driven away by the narcissist’s insistence that they are not good enough for the victim, and the victim feels somewhat trapped to the relationship – with the baby on the way and everything – and cannot really justify ending the relationship because of a few nasty comments made in the heat of the moment that they themselves caused, as the narcissist insists. In time, the mental abuse becomes more frequent and more severe, and physical abuse is likely to be added to the cocktail at the same time as the victims grasp of reality and normal relationships is getting more and more distorted. With the lack of social connections (and sometimes being “banned” from watching the television or reading the papers) they are unable to assess their situation and get clarity. The stress would naturally also block any spiritual guidance that they would have access to normally.

To the outside, they appear as the perfect couple. The narcissist is the most charming person you would have ever met. In the inside, the picture is very different. The victim is going to start thinking of an escape at some stage of the relationship (they would have been married soon after they met due to the pregnancy). The escape won’t be easy to find, because they will be under constant surveillance to the extent of having a 3 minute time window to come back from the grocery shop. The children are held hostage for any times that the victim cannot be directly controlled, and it will take a special time for them to find a moment to escape, often risking their lives doing this.

Clearly, it is easy to see the differences of a narcissistic relationship compared to a True Emotion Mirror relationship from the inside – but from the outside things might look a bit different. If a person is completely incapable of letting go of a lost lover, a trait that applies to both the narcissist and the True Emotion Mirror, it is hard to say what’s the difference if you don’t know both concepts well enough to understand them. Firstly, the narcissistic relationship normally last longer before the separation (if there’s going to be one) and after the separation a female victim will be likely to seek refuge at a safe house. There will be intensive legal battles and custody battles, where as with a True Emotion Mirror these are not needed because the initial True Emotion Mirror union only lasts for a few months (unless they have had their psychological issues solved before the first union). In the narcissistic relationship, the chaser is usually so aggressive that a restraining order is issued – and once it expires, renewed. In a True Emotion Mirror relationship, both parties remain respectful of each other’s right to separate, and although there is a level of obsession and even “stalking”, it doesn’t take forms that require legal action. In a True Emotion Mirror relationship, the runner is not scared to death, although both may attempt “trying again” several times.

Often in True Emotion Mirror relationships, the chaser is most likely to be the girl and the runner the male. In narcissistic relationships the chaser is most likely the male, and the victim is female. (Also, female NPD is slightly different in pattern.) The True Emotion Mirror relationship is often “imaginary” as in it never really got to a good start, where as the narcissistic relationship is a break up of a (fairly) long marriage. TS will also have friends left, NPD usually has only short term friends and their victim has cut contact with most of theirs. One difference, that maybe difficult to see on the outside and requires a bit of an intuition, is that the narcissistic chaser is constantly bitter, they hate, blame and bad-mouth their ex, apart from situations where they have something to gain from behaving otherwise (such as custody hearings in which case they express concern about the children) and their obsession is more about an escaped prisoner that needs to be recaptured and brought to justice than about a lost love. They will also do their very best to make their ex’s life as difficult as possible by any means possible (using the mutual children being their first choice of weapon.) The True Emotion Mirror chaser is full of love and adoration, and although they can be angry and even bitter, they do go from anger to extreme love like a roller coaster, or stay in the love and hope more and more consistently as they develop their personal psychology. The narcissist will seem to sink deeper and deeper into darkness where as the True Emotion Mirror half will be emerging from it little by little.

A True Emotion Mirror relationship is interesting in a sense that it may seem very much like a battle of two narcissists and can get quite explosive, but the difference being that the bond will not break with the test of these combats. Also, in a NPD relationship one partner is the attacker and the other submits and tries to comply with their wishes and avoid further fights. In True Emotion Mirror relationship, both Twins go at it like mad. Twins are equal, but in an abusive relationship this is never the case.

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