Try not to manipulate your ‘wrong feelings’ into the ‘right ones’

Many times, when people realize a feeling they are having is “the wrong feeling” instead of owning that emotion or feeling and working through it, they try to pretend it’s not there at all. “Don’t show fear” is not the same thing as “work through your fears”, is it?¹

What I am trying to teach you is to recognize the real feelings that you DO have, and then act toward healing those feelings or acting on them.

Your feelings are NEVER WRONG in terms of a “good boy” or “bad boy” of emotions, they’re all good in terms of being helpful to you when interpreted correctly. Some feelings are signs of bad things and some feelings are signs of good things. They are like indicator lights on a dashboard, they’re only wrong in the sense that when the petrol tank icon goes red, it means you’re running out of fuel and need a refill, NOT that you should take a Sharpie and paint over the light and pretend it didn’t go on, right? That would be dumb.

Still, a lot of people would rather trash the bug report (feelings) than to read what it says so they can troubleshoot or react to the problem. Emotions and feelings are nothing but a bug report – and still, emotions and feelings are the only thing that are real in this world, and that is why you HAVE TO find a way to resolve them.

For instance. If you are angry, express anger and explain to the person you’re angry at why they are making you feel that way. Anger is a perfectly valid reason, just the same as sadness and insecurity or fear is. Every emotion is simply a sign of something happening in your life, nothing to get alarmed about… Or, rather, something TO be alarmed about in some cases.

Rather than avoidance, dig it up

Rather than avoiding those feelings, dig up where it’s coming from. You’d be surprised at what you’ll uncover. Like… AMAZING.

A negative, unwelcome, or a disturbing thought is usually covering up something magical or interesting about yourself. Always go after that feeling because it’s like what the red X is to the location of a treasure. You WILL learn something valuable about yourself.

NEVER again deny a feeling. No matter how uncool it is or how politically incorrect it may be. Just dig it up.

There’s a lot of stuff I write that is geared toward helping you put a finger on a lot of things, but don’t get lost in the reading of things, as reading can only get you to a ballpark of your own self. Your best tools are your feelings and your emotional pick… Maybe a deck of Tarot cards.

It’s okay to not know yet

NOBODY knows EVERYTHING about themselves before they’ve gone through a bit of digging. Even still… We’re complex beings. One answer is never the whole answer. It’s OK to not know who you are and what you want and which life style will work for you, but what IS wrong is to try and medicate your insecurities by clinging fast on someone who seems more self-confident than you.

Their self-confidence isn’t about knowing how to be a man or how to be a woman, their self-confidence is about how to be THEM. You can’t be them, that position has already been taken, but you CAN become self-confidentially yourself.

It’s not about what you SHOULD want or need, but what DO YOU want or need?

The goal here is not to feel or do or subject ourselves to another “should” but the question is WHAT DO YOU, actually, want and need. This is not about what makes ME happy should make all of you happy, not at all. I am as quirky as they come and I am not a good example for anyone, which is a good thing in a way.

Very few women would want to take up what I do and copy that because they believe that would make them happy, but some would. Some absolutely would. However, this is not about what I do, it’s about all the different options out there. What I do and am has personal importance to some people who I intend to spend the rest of my life with, but mostly, I state what I am and feel simply as an EXAMPLE as to what I mean by each “dig”. (I should actually probably save my personal examples to the Old Souls*, only, note to self. I’ll do some editing. :))

Do you think “just saying it” is unromantic or too easy?

In some sense, what we’re trying to do here is very easy. It’s not about “should” but it’s a question of WHAT IS? If you think that simply stating what you want is easy, DO IT! If you think being bratty and needy in the sense that you plainly tell someone what it is that you want and need, try it. People around you may not nearly as helpful in giving you what you want as you expect. You cannot just order a perfect life and expect it to be delivered to you like you were just a baby.

If you have been avoiding telling people what you truly want because you want people to figure you out, (or worse, expect them to “know how relationships work” and thus know what you want “because you’re a man” or “because you’re a woman and we’re all alike) you may be bitterly disappointed when nobody gets it right. The reason for them not getting it may be that you want is that they simply don’t think the same way as you do, or they don’t really LIVE TO fulfill your needs as you expect. In addition, they may also be waiting for their needs to be met, and further, you may not have synchronizable needs at all, making your situation impossible for both of you as a pair.

Still, easy or not, you should aim to stating what you want from those who you want it from, but don’t be surprised if they tell you that they have no intention of filling those needs. If that is their response, you have no option but to back up and find someone who is happy to cater to your needs or live with the way things are.

1. The term “work through your fears” is not the same idea as “smile through your tears”, as in ignoring the feeling, but work through them as in feel them and try to understand your own emotions and what they mean. ↩

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