Two different break up styles
The Young Soul* and the Old Souls* understand the process of breaking up VERY differently. (It’s okay if you don’t know the terms yet, you’ll pick it up soon.) The Young Soul* assume their former partner will “see the relationship to the end” by arranging their life post break up, and if their partner (the Old Souls*) won’t take the necessary steps to arrange their lives, they assume the breakup isn’t going to happen.
The Young Soul* may also assume that their partner is going to find them a replacement partner or a life plan in general once the previous one leaves them. If there is nothing for them to move on to, they figure the existing relationship must go on. There are also parents who believe they need to pass the kids on to a partner, before they can let go of watching over them – the daughters especially. (If the daughter is a Old Souls*, this will drive her mental.)
In the meanwhile, the Old Souls* assume that just saying that the relationship is over will prompt the other to organize their life so that they can move on. If the partner isn’t moving on to organize their lives accordingly, the Old Souls* assumes the other one is simply refusing to be broken up with.
Even though the Old Souls* are not likely to take a hands-on approach to their partner’s life arrangements, they will try to time the breakup so that their partner is able to move on. However, if the Old Souls* won’t HELP the Young Soul* to take action, it feels like their ability to think is completely stopped.
For the Old Souls* who wish to move on:
the Old Souls* will TELL their partner that they want to break up. They expect the relationship to dissolve right there and then. Two grown-up people will find their way forward without the help of the other, is the assumption.
However, the Young Soul* never leave one relationship without having something to fall back on, even another relationship to move onto or to rely on. To the Young Soul*, it is of vital importance that they have some social support through a breakup. The Old Souls* rarely move directly from one relationship to the next, but rather want a time alone to regain themselves and to “reboot” so to speak, and to play the field for a while. Depending on how devastated they are, they want more or less social; the worse the breakup, the more they need time alone, and the less patience they have for friends and family and their attempts of showing sympathy.
However, the Young Soul* operate in the opposite again. The worse they feel, the more they want people around them, as many as they can find. They want to stay busy and preoccupied. If they are not very devastated, they’ll simply want something to do, and some kind of an action plan; a reorientation if you will.
“Threatening to divorce”
When a Old Souls*, a male or a female, wants to leave a relationship, they often find it difficult to go, as the Young Soul* is hanging onto them to dear life, as they feel like. This may anger the Old Souls* who expects their freedom to choose to be unquestioned. However, the Young Soul* expects the Old Souls* to put the intent to practice by organizing the Young Soul*’s life for them.
The Young Soul* may assume that because the Old Souls* is not taking steps to fix their life for them, they do not really intend to break up, but are merely “threatening them with a divorce/break up”. They may see this as being abusive, as they assume the Old Souls* is trying to tell them to change their behavior to their liking, “or they will break up with them.”
It is important for the Old Souls* to ask how the Young Soul* wants the breakup to be handled, or offer a ready made plan.
Breaking up the Young Soul* thinking way
First, tell your partner that you wish to break up with them. Ask them how they wish to go about it. Ask about how they want to deal with other people. If you have fallen in love with someone else, it can be helpful for them to know it, and to be told about it without a hesitation.
However, if you leave your intent in any way ambiguous, they will try and chase the rival out, so if you’re serious about this other relationship, do not let them do that – stop them from driving to their place or from calling them or whatever, until they know you mean business. They MAY see the other one as some kind of a foreplay kind of arrangement, as an intent to make them jealous.
Give them help to move on
If they seem uncertain about what to do, then help them. Ask them what they need you to do to make this breakup a reality. Give them a time frame that you prefer this break up to be complete.
Voice out your suggestions of what they should do, for instance: “I’d assume you want to go live with your parents until you can figure the rest of it out..?” “You might want to keep busy with your studies and make new friends at school?” A Young Soul* WILL expect you to negotiate with them how you want the breakup to proceed. It is not necessarily so that they expect you to do everything for them, but they simply need you to tell them what you expect to happen. Then, you need to hear what they expect of you.
Treat all breakups with the Young Soul* like it was a marriage. Separating finances, dividing friends, deciding how to tell others and when to tell others. Should you organize a breakup party to let everyone know you’re fine but moving on, or should you just separate in silence?
Why the Old Souls* would feel offended being broken up with this way
The Old Souls* are so used to doing everything themselves, they’d find it patronizing and insulting for their partner start telling them how to go about their lives after breaking up with them. An Old Soul* treated this way would feel like their partner cannot WAIT to get them off their hair, as they won’t give them ANY TIME to think things through, and like “OMG they had this plan set out for me, like, they literally told me that they’re breaking up with me and the next thing I knew I was sitting in the car with my bags packed for me on my way to my parents, I mean, what a PIG!!!”
That is what the Young Soul* would expect to see happen, but to a Old Souls*, that would be the height of revolting insults and embarrassments… An Old Soul* needs about a week to decide what they want to do and to execute the plan, but they need some space to do it. And they’ll need to sleep on the sofa the following night, they will not return back into the bed of the person who just broke up with them, but the Young Soul* wants as little changes as possible initially, and some time to get used to the idea.
Sometimes the Young Soul* act up during a breakup to get help
Sometimes the Young Soul* behave awfully bad during a breakup. This means they are “asking” for their former partner to give them the guidance they need to handle the situation. They try to irritate their former partner so that they would see to their troubles and help them move on. The effect is usually very much the opposite as far as the Old Souls* exes go, as they’d want to wash their hands of a brat like that as fast as they can.
When the Young Soul* is trying to break up with you
To understand the Young Soul* thinking breakup, you also need to understand a little about how they think about relationships.
The Young Soul* knowingly and deliberately change for their partner
The Young Soul* always want to know what their partner wishes from them in a relationship. They want to make an effort to be the perfect partner to the person they are with. The difference in the Old Souls* and the Young Soul* are the EASE with which they do this. The Old Souls* are MUCH MORE selective than the Young Soul*, therefore, they don’t want to change for most people. Even when they do change, they keep it to a minimum compared to the Young Soul*, who can completely switch personalities between partners. (I’ve observed a someone going from a paleo diet to being a vegan, and from an art gallery goer to a rock festival visitor, based on who he’s been dating. While he was dating these women, he behaves really serious about whatever his girlfriend is interested in. For a Old Souls*, this is amusing to observe.)
The Old Souls* won’t give a straight answer
So, the Young Soul* thinking asking what you expect of them is not a direct lead up to a breakup. However, because the Old Souls* don’t, generally speaking, want to change anyone into anything for them. This is because they see individuality as something sacred not to be tampered with. As they don’t see the point of these questions, they don’t necessarily give a straight answer to them.
This, to the Young Soul*, means they don’t have an opinion and try to take control over these choices. In fact, the Old Souls* have STRONG opinions on what they like and what they don’t like. They simply have a high respect for individuality and personalities and do not wish to change them to fit their own needs. They also do not appreciate other’s attempts to change their personality. Therefore, to a Old Souls*, it is irrelevant what you wish from a partner if they are not like that already.
The Young Soul*, however, attempts to figure out what their partner’s ideals are, and what they wish for. The better the idea they’ve got, the easier it is to spot them “trying” to break up with their partner.
They will start introducing their partner to people who they might find attractive
They may have an interesting idea of what the Old Souls* likes, however. This is because the Old Souls* are usually polite people, and quite prone to finding nice things to say about people they don’t really like that much. They try to find the positives of everyone they meet as a moral exercise. Therefore, they may complement a fat woman, her dress, or her makeup or whatever, making their partner think they like fat women in polka dot dresses.
The Young Soul* wants to get you to move on by introducing their partner to new people. They may even coach that person to dress the way their partner would like. They may now bring in the fat girl in a polka-dot dress to woo the pants of their partner in the hopes he’d fall in love with her and move on.
The Old Souls* is usually WEIRDED out by these attempts, as they don’t understand what is going on and WHY are these weird (fake) people being paraded in front of them.
The Young Soul* will start dropping hints about moving on
Hints that the Old Souls* might not notice, to be exact. “I thought I’d take this course… I would need to study for it in A Town Far From Here”. Because they would assume this is no longer convenient for the partner, this would be seen as an obvious cue to break up.
To a Old Souls*, distance means virtually nothing. They can love a person for their entire lives no matter what, and “inconvenience” doesn’t come to play when they are in love. They also assume that their partner is in love with them because of the way the Young Soul* start relationships.
Why both thinker types think the other one is head over heels in love with them
The Young Soul* are very heavy-handed, from the Old Souls*’s perspective even desperate to start a relationship with them. From the Old Souls*’s perspective, this means they MUST be head over heels in love with them. This may not be true at all, however. The Young Soul* maybe heavy-handed simply because they think: “Well he/she’s such a loser they need help to get into a any relationship at all!” This is why the Old Souls* often feel obligated to stay with the poor the Young Soul*, who would humiliate themselves to begin a relationship with them in the first place!
The Young Soul* mistake the Old Souls*’s initial disinterest in them as “being so shy and cute around me, they were so insecure and in love…” They may also mistake the Old Souls* friendliness as “being in love”, as well as their “showoffiness” to be directed to them especially. So both think the other is the one who has it worse for the other.
It is likely that all hints of “inconvenience” in love mean nothing to a Old Souls*. This is why they don’t understand that the Young Soul* is trying to say “we should break up”. The Old Souls* won’t get it until the words are said out loud. If the relationship started as a mutual favor to the other partner like the Young Soul* and the Old Souls* relationships often are, the breakup may be really weird and hard to go about… Because both are convinced they are the less in love -partner.
Neither thinker type likes to play games about breakups
Both the Old Souls* and the Young Soul* think the other type is IMPOSSIBLE to break up with. This is because of their PROFOUND difference in thinking. They send all the wrong signals to each other in a way they simply bond when they don’t mean to and bond tighter when they intend to break up. It can be near impossible for these two to get a clean, non-traumatic breakup. Communication is the key for both type’s satisfaction.
Despite this, both types tend to be weird about the breakup and make matters worse while trying to make matters easier for their parner. (Good intentions, Hell, gold pavement.)
When the Young Soul* thinks they cannot help
Sometimes the Young Soul* is convinced they have NO HELP to offer their partner to get over the breakup. That is when they are likely to take the “go for smokes” approach. They leave without a word, no trace. They’ll leave everything behind and simply vanish.
The logic here is that they will leave everything to their partner and make a new start for themselves. They assume their partner will simply pick up as if they had suddenly died.
The Old Souls* may leave in a similar manner if they feel they are under a treat from their partner. They may also vanish if they simply do not seem to be able to explain to their partner why they need to split and eventually give up trying. (This situation arises when the Young Soul* is under the impression the Old Souls* is “threatening with a divorce” while giving this long list of reasons why they are leaving, as in, from the Young Soul* perspective “stuff that they need to work on in order to save the relationship or else they’re leaving.”)
They may also sometimes leave without a word if their partner criticises them a lot, and makes them feel useless and unwanted. This, then, means, they’ve come to the conclusion that their partner is better off without them, and would be happy to see the last of them. (Of course, the likely reason is that their partner is the Young Soul* reveling in the idea of being so tight they can say whatever shit they want to their partner and they’ll never leave!)
Breaking up either way
- Bring it up. Wait for the reaction.
- Be prepared to talk about it.
- If they move on like nothing happened, they are a Old Souls* and need little involvement from you. (The less the better, please do not help a Old Souls* pack – at least not too enthusiastically.)
- If they kind of ignore you and seem to be waiting for further instructions, it’s time to negotiate. Take charge if necessary.
- Done.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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