Unrequited love and how to get over someone

When you want to know how to get over someone, everyone will try to encourage you to stop loving your ex by using whatever methods you can find to do that task. They will try to shame you and guilt you into giving up your stupid romantic fantasies and to move on. I am telling you this: To let go of someone means that you allow yourself to fall deeper in love with them, not fight it. You have to simply accept that your love may not be returned, and the more you love this person, the easier it is to accept that this might be the case – after all, how could you demand the love of someone so amazing as the person you love?

Here is the other benefit of figuring out how to get over someone: If this is true love, and your lover has a chance of returning, the road to returning to them is the exact same as getting over them. Letting go of them (letting go of the expectation and feeling of entitlement to their love) will give them the freedom to either love you back or to find new love elsewhere. For as long as you are trying to emotionally blackmail them into loving you, or for as long as you are trying to fight your authentic love for them, they will not be able to freely love you back – this is the spiritual side of any relationship; no matter how far away you are from each other physically, or how long it’s been since you last talked, the way you feel about each other will affect each other’s life whether you like it or not. If your love for them is true, you won’t want to hurt their future by “loving them” too much to allow them to be happy without you, and, unfortunately, the people who will be the most harmful to us all are people who believe they love you but are simply demanding you for themselves for the service of their own ego. If this is the case, it is up to the loved one to release themselves from a lover (or a parent or a friend or…) who cannot let go of a past relationship to them.

Step by step guide on how to get over someone

1. First, allow yourself to remember your time together in a romantic tone. Never result to hatred to forget an ex, because it won’t work. Make your past relationship a nostalgic one, find the silver line in the cloud of your loss, fall in love with the emotional pain you feel for your ex- lover.
2. Understand that the love you feel for them is not something  you have to take away from them in order to give it to someone else. Just like you are able to love a dozen of friends and five children, all of your grandparents and both of your parents, you will be able to love all of your future and past lovers – each to the level that they inspire in you. Love is generated in the heart of the observer by the observed as a natural reaction to who the other person is, it is not a ready supply you have to give to be detached from one person and attached to another. (The feeling of “I have so much love to give” is not love, it is a need to find someone to love.) The love you feel for your ex belongs to your ex, they generated it for you and it is non-transferrable… Also, it would be an insult to you new lover to find themselves the recipient of recycled love. (It is actually possible to use the love you feel for someone else to pretend to be in love with another, but don’t do that. It is a filthy habit to have… Unless of course you want to do that in order to hurt your new partner with the love of your ex… Kinky. Don’t think it’s a favor to the new one, as it is probably the biggest of insults ever.)
3. The answer to the question of how to get over someone is, ironically, to understand that you don’t HAVE TO get over anyone. You have to let go of your expectations regarding them, that’s all. For as long as you imagine someone owes you love or that you are entitled to a relationship with them, your ego will hurt as a result of being continually shown the opposite to be true. As soon as you let go of your expectations, you are free to move on from them. Your unrealistic expectations are what are holding you in place, because you feel like you DESERVE their love or that they belong to you. They don’t. ONLY THEY can give themselves to you, and for as long as you think you have an unquestionable right to it without them having told you as much, you are not going to be winning anyone over. (Non-present True Emotion Mirrors are a bit of a gray area here.)
4. Make yourself free to think about everything that you loved about your ex lover, think about everything that you went through with them, and don’t hide from the negatives either. Once you have fully observed your feelings toward them, you will arrive to the end of your rope. I will have to draw a horrible comic that will hopefully describe how this works. (I know I have no talent for drawing, but let me try:)
   This means that the amount of genuine love you feel for someone will only get you as close to them as you feel real, authentic love for them. You will NEVER get any closer than how much you love them – and, as displayed in the drawing, you can get very close, but you will not reach someone that isn’t truly yours. True Emotion Mirrors will have enough rope to hang themselves and each other with, but Trail Companions* will only get as far as they do. You will have it bad if after all your observation you can’t find anything you genuinely don’t like about the person and you truly think they are perfect… But if you can find flaws while allowing yourself to fall as far in love as you possibly can… Good stuff. One aspect of trying to fall out of love with someone is that you haven’t necessarily fully observed them (your memories suffice) and you have subsequently created an idealized image of them that isn’t actually true. To get over the idealized version of your ex, allow yourself to fall further in love with them – as deeply as you can.
5. The last step; get to know yourself on the deepest possible level you can. Do this by observing yourself in return. Pay attention to the kind of a person you are, and figure out why you like stuff you like, why you enjoy the things you enjoy. The measure of the person you are is the things that you enjoy. NEVER pass judgement on yourself on things you enjoy, because you will enjoy what you enjoy whether you like to admit it or not. Even negative enjoyments usually have a very positive need that drives you to them.
   Figure out the things that you love about yourself, like about yourself, and the things you love about yourself SO MUCH that you would NEVER, under ANY circumstance change about yourself for anyone. Figure out what kind of people impress you, what does a person have to be or do to be fascinating to you. Become aware of traits in other people that you absolutely detest and why (be honest, brutal and to the point) and make sure you will never attempt to please people you don’t like because it makes no sense to.
   Understand this: You are a collection of traits you have selected for yourself (from incarnation to incarnation) because what you chose works for you somehow. If you find a trait in you that you don’t like, figure out what the benefit of it is, then weigh it against your ideal; Which is more important; the benefit or the ideal and then work to change this trait about yourself if the ideal is more important than the benefit.
   Aim to the level of self-esteem that you will never compromise on who you are as a person, and you can look anyone in the eye and know your own worth compared to them; be it less than theirs or more so. Aim to a REALISTIC self-image compared to others so that you can realistically assess your position in relation to others. Great self-esteem doesn’t mean that you believe you are better than anyone else, a great self-esteem means that you are able to admit when you are wrong, you know when someone else ranks higher than you – deservedly so. Also, it may mean that you will have to accept that you are, in fact, at the top of your game and that there is NOBODY that can top you in any way in areas that you care about. (And that if they’re lucky, they may be your equal but not better than.)

And that is how you get over someone.

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