Volatile True Emotion Mirrors – or are they something else?

This is a difficult one to self-assess because we sometimes form an image of a person that isn’t entirely realistic, and we fall in love with the image instead of the actual person. Now, most people are painfully aware of this fact, and can, thus, be even overly careful before they trust their feelings to be real or based on real feelings.

Ironically, a person can often feel relaxed when they can see a flaw in another person, as that makes them feel “grounded” rather than head-over-heels in love with the perfect person. And this is where the real danger lurks.

I’ll just use Johnny Depp and Amber Heard as an example because they’re a perfect example of what happens when two people who are profoundly wrong with each other fall in love with the idea they have of the other person instead of the ACTUAL person.

Let’s describe them, first.

Johnny Depp

Positives: Calm, reassuring, gentlemanly, creative, humoristic, friendly. Approachable, generous, kind.

Negatives: Passive-aggressive, confrontation-avoidant, judges in silence. Difficulty asserting one’s own space, overly friendly, and compromising.

The fantasy of Amber: She’s a hurt, scared little girl, who, in the heart of her hearts, is actually a sweet, kind, loving person, who is also exciting, talented, and wonderful.

Amber Heard

Positives: (I must say Heard’s positives are somewhat of a matter of taste.) Humorous, entertaining, wild, exciting, uncontrollable, nature’s child. Strong, passionate, ambitious.

Negatives: Deep internal insecurity that requires constant validation from others; fear of being too kind or weak, compensates in overt selfishness, and cruelty, disregard of others. Manipulative. Narcissistic personality disorder.

The fantasy of Johnny: A mafia boss, exciting, cruel, powerful; can protect me, and will break the law when necessary; knows how to play others in order to get what he wants.

Expectations not met

When Amber and Johnny married, they had entirely different expectations on what the marriage would look like. She thought they would be a mafia boss couple, basically, and she PROBABLY believed Johnny wouldn’t reveal his criminal activities to her before marriage. Therefore, she married him with the expectation to be taught to how to become this boss bitch that she wanted to be.

Johnny expected her to calm down when she no longer needed to struggle with her fear of losing him, and other women getting to him. He expected a wonderful romance with the woman he loved more than life itself.

When Amber realized that all Johnny was was this mushy romantic “weak” boring guy, she angered. She felt deceived by “his image” (namely pin-stripe suits and bodyguards, etc.) Instead of realizing she’d been a naive little girl who fell in love with someone very different from what she was expecting, she started rebelling against him and trying to (hopefully) turn him into this violent man she felt she wanted.

Johnny obviously saw Amber wasn’t right in the head, considering her violent outbursts, constant lying, and cheating, and she started plotting for a way out that wouldn’t ruin her reputation; she didn’t want people to realize she was too naive to see that Johnny wasn’t “exciting”, but rather, he was TOO exciting for her. So she creates this fantastical idea of Johnny – her dream man – too violent for her to control when in reality, she was the violent one. In her mind, she’s protecting Johnny’s biggest secret: He’s “boring”.

The hook – is it possible?

The thing that gets us hooked with highly problematic people is the hope of changing them into what we want them to be so that we could have the dream life with them. With enough love, care… Patience? Because when we see the beauty in a person and don’t want to accept the ugly is there to stay, we feel like EVENTUALLY, they’ll have to fix their problems and become who I want them to be – what ANYONE would want them to be.

It’s also a systematic belief, that we can TAME a person, but not many of us are willing to do what it takes to tame a person who is more wild than what they are civilized. If you consider yourself a gentleman, you’ll have to consider your wife a beast, an untamed animal, and that is a lot for a modern gentleman to wrap one’s head around.

There are people who LOVE the idea of taming someone. The Normal Person* are built for it. However, taming people goes against anything a Savants* stands for. Still, the Savants* have to start being aware of when it’s a justified thing to do, and when is it that the Normal Person* they love is simply not getting the structure they want in order to feel safe, secure, and loved.

Is she or he lovable by someone else?

Another trap that people walk into is the belief that if I don’t love this person, nobody will. They get into this rescue -mode thinking, “that person is so low-quality, that I’m the only person who would ever…” And if this is the way you find yourself thinking, TRy and find that person’s positives – as just like with Amber, they’re a bit of a matter of taste.

This way, you’ll get over your need to rescue them from a life of loneliness.

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