What does fear tell us about our different type relationships?

Fear is never a good motivator when it comes to spiritually sound decisions. However, it is a helpful feeling to determine what type of relationship we’re currently in, and what fears we must work to remove.

“Wrong” fears

There are fears that signify a relationship that is based on the wrong things. The fear is a motivator to hang onto something that truly shouldn’t exist.

If I lose you, I’ll be alone

You fear this is the last person in this world who will be your friend or a lover, and therefore, you have to hold onto them to dear life because otherwise, you’re doomed to forever roaming this planet alone.

I’ll lose social standing

“I’ve been dumped, and that means people will think I’m a loser”. “People will think I’m a bad person for having left my spouse, and I’ll lose face”. “If I don’t marry/get into a serious relationship/lose my virginity soon, people will think I’m incompetent in relationships”.

These types of fears are ego-fears, the fear of being seen truthfully and judged by that truth by others.

Jealousy

Someone else is pushing into the relationship, and you fear losing ground and your position. While this CAN BE a sign of a True Emotion Mirror or Precious Soulmate relationship you don’t trust yet, it is ALWAYS destructive. Although jealousy, according to me, can be an aphrodisiac in a polyamorous relationship, despite what they are saying when jealousy gets toxic, it’s… well, toxic. SOME relatively mild, fun, exciting jealousy is healthy, but when it borders on terror, it is a huge problem.

There are three possible situations:

1. You know you’re not important in this relationship, and whoever comes in means you’re out the door.

2. The other situation is that you FEAR that you’re not important (enough) in this relationship and that whenever it comes in means you’re out the door. One is knowledge, one is fear.

3. A curious mashup to this (a coping mechanism for situation #1) is that you trust you only fear that someone else is going to break you up, but you force yourself to trust that they are faithful to you… When, in fact, it’s KNOWLEDGE that you’re not important in this relationship and you are ACTUALLY being dumped for another person…

Contemplate your feelings to study what is what.

“Right” Fears

These are the right fears to have, signs of a healthy relationship – or the healthy part of an otherwise inflamed or toxic relationship.

I’ll miss your company

Fearing the loss of someone’s company –  their sense of humor, their intelligence, the conversations, the fun you’ve had together, those are right fears to have. This is a sign of the right reasons to be in that relationship.

I fear I’m not good enough for you

A True Emotion Mirror and Precious Soulmate (even PS parent) will ALWAYS, at some stage, fear that they might not be good enough for their counterpart. It is a healthy fear to have, and it should be mutual. “I may not be able to make you a 100% happy.” It is a good fear to ignore for a while, and see if you CAN or CANNOT make the other person 100% happy. This is often conquered by emphasizing non-neediness; “I will survive without you, but I am here if you want me – I wish you do.” This is why true love always needs permission: “I need your permission to love you.”

Wrong reaction to the right fear: This is not the place to try and stuff your fears down your own throat and decide to ram your love through to them by force regardless because you feel like you have to cope by forcing yourself on the other person. Another wrong reaction is to simply run, or accuse the other of “thinking they are too good for you”.

I am over-confident with you

This is an obscure one, and a rare one… The most likely situation to face this fear is when you’re REALLY GOOD with psychology or relationships in general, and you feel like you can ace any romantic scenario, and you feel you’re so on the driver’s seat that you feel you might be manipulating your counterpart’s feelings by simply knowing too much about love, relationships, or specifically, this is when you might hit the Don Juan syndrome.

You’ll just have to cope. :p

You can also hit the same fear in reverse; your True Emotion Mirror is a modern-day Don Juan, a psychologist (or me), and you’re freaking out for an understandable reason.

Check out this post about relationship fears and responses to them

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