What if I enjoyed my own rape? What does that make me?

Not all rape is completely unwelcomed. I know this is something that we can’t exactly write down in law books and ask “Okay, did the victim welcome the rape?”.. or perhaps we could – but the fact is that there is some shading to do because not all rape is the same – probably why it is so difficult to convince people who deal with this all the time to make the punishments harsher: they probably see the shades of grey every day if even not realizing it.

Rape is a great way to shame both men and women, and a simple whisper of “rapist” can ruin a man for life even if he was innocent is only one thing, the other… Maybe the victim really didn’t feel that victimized but was forced due to societal pressure to a) report it to protect other women and b) feel shame if not for anything else then for not feeling any initially and c) change the way they see the man in question; they may even have been in love with him before but now forced to see him differently just to avoid negative labels from other people.

Sometimes declining sex is done simply due to pressures of society, your circumstance, not because you didn’t want the man. You may want him, but you feel OBLIGATED to say no because you are married, you have a boyfriend, you’ve only gone out once before and your peers insist that sleeping with a man on the first date is an act of a slut. Often you say no even if you wanted it. What if an intuitive man picks up on that and takes his chances only to realize society is stronger than their mutual love or lust? Does it have to be a lie if he says he knew she wanted it? Isn’t it possible, even probable, that a woman says she didn’t, only to protect those that she loves from the realization she’s “a slut” and a shame to her family? Even in a case like this, the pressure to report every sexual offense is massive, especially to a married woman or one in a loving relationship, because they simply are not allowed to feel desire towards another man. The only way to get away without insulting your significant other, your father, your mother, your friends, and other women, is to report the incident and then go ponder in silence that what the hell is wrong with you because you enjoyed the fact he did not listen, forever wondering the rights and wrongs of that situation and how she could be this accepting of a man who didn’t listen to no’s and forced himself on her?

The younger the victim, the more severe the societal trauma will be. A raped virgin ended up enjoying the lust that the man was showing her, his impatience, his overwhelming desire… And yes perhaps she got a few scars and bruises, but the thought of it…! This was pure lust, but what kind of slut enjoys this?! Comparing that to the stories of her peers, who describe their first sexual experience as a disappointment when done exactly right, like most first experiences are ironically – how does that make her feel if not a complete sick loser? Isn’t that the question? You must be an absolute slut, a sick disgusting vile slag to enjoy your own rape, isn’t that what the society is saying, repeatedly, and isn’t that what your rape counselor is saying, too, treating you like a victim when in fact you’re the only one of your friends to have reached orgasm so far?

In the case of a child or a minor, the therapy-induced trauma gets deeper. Everyone is shocked to the core by what happened because they do not even consider the possibility that a child may have sexual feelings. This is most likely a case of continued “abuse” because random singular sexual attacks on a child are, to my understanding, rare in most cultures. During the relationship between the adult and the child, there was love in it, there was trust in it, there was fun and games and as a part of it – a potentially very natural part of it I dare to say – was sexuality.

I must point out that I am a spiritual teacher and a theorist specializing in soulmate relationships, and I have seen that the sexual bond that exists between two people does not turn off by a switch simply because one or both the people in question are too young or too closely related… I would go as far as to say that it doesn’t die if the other soul doesn’t belong to a human this time around, but that is beside the point I’m making.

As I believe this, I believe and understand and can fully imagine a paedophilic relationship between myself and my soul-bond lover(s) that would be a beautiful way to grow into my own sexuality – provided of course that nobody finds out, because that’s when all hell breaks loose! You are torn from the arms of your true love, thrown into a car, taken to a hospital for examination, (this is the first actual sexual assault that will occur,) then, everyone behaves in a way that doesn’t make sense to you. Those people who hurt you claim to be your friends, and the one person you trusted and cared for is treated like a monster and not allowed anywhere near you. You must have understood things very, very badly wrong!

Now, in your young mind, you will start looking for reasons for your abnormality that you simply cannot see the man who abused you as such a vile creature but you loved him… How can it be? How could you, for years to come ever trust yourself to know true love? Whenever you would feel sexually aroused, you would compare that feeling to your childhood experiences and think: “Ok wait, this feels exactly the same as it did with him… I must be projecting or something, he must be just the same, a predator…” And in all your experiences, you don’t seem to get away from them. Every man you ever loved ends up giving you the same rush of emotions… And there must be something seriously wrong with you.

An experience like this leads easily to alcoholism and drug use and other self-destructive behaviors, because normal feelings are made out to be a symptom of sexual abuse, avoidance, projecting, whatever else but normal and acceptable. But this trauma was not caused by the abuse, it was caused by our society’s warped ideas about sex and sexuality and the idea that there is an age limit after which a person is capable of knowing love and feeling sexual emotions. The trauma happened on the doctor’s table who forced your legs apart to “examine you” without the same love and acceptance and play that your lover did – simply coldly as a matter of course like it didn’t matter! Like he/she had the right! Who would not feel absolutely vile after an experience like that? And now, you’re supposed to be OK with the doctor, and hate your lover.

I am not saying, obviously, that sexual relationships between adults and children should be just okayed without a second thought, BUT… Discussion must happen. A sift in attitude must happen with people who have experienced a ROMANCE with an adult as a child. We must stop telling other people what they felt or that their feelings were wrong because we can’t understand it. Well… Some of us can’t. And I bet most parents feel more robbed of the childhood of their child than their child may feel. I remember, growing up, how I couldn’t wait to grow up, but my parents seem STILL unable to let me do just that – I figure people in this situation may feel GUTTED that their child is already experiencing an adult life when the parents have barely gotten her or him out of their nappies… Quite literally.

But THAT particular trauma is not best transferred onto the child.

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