What is a difference between a Narcissist and a Timeless and a Modern thinker?
According to myself, a narcissist is a person who needs to create a false sense of self to cope with their reality. This results in deflecting blame, insensitivity to other people’s views and opinions, and unwillingness to consider other people’s needs as valid (especially if seeing other people’s needs would result in the loss of already acquired advantage). It stems from fear of abandonment (Modern) or rejection (Timeless).
What is narcissistic?
The way narcissism manifests or what a person considers narcissism is a matter of which thinker type you are yourself. Inherently, the Modern way of thinking feels slightly narcissistic to the Timeless and vice versa. However, when we talk about actual narcissism, it is when an individual starts using strong force or attempts to alter another person’s sense of reality to make things go their way. (For example, convince another person that the person they’re in love with doesn’t feel the same even though they know they do.) A narcissist may also require others to play along so they can keep on pretending to themselves that things aren’t as they wish they were rather than how they are.
A tendency to project feelings is very much a human trait. However, it is quite narcissistic to reject even the suggestion that there might be people who feel differently to them in the same situation or that one person might authentically prefer a different lifestyle to them. A narcissist cannot see the kind of option where two very different kinds of people would be equal in value; they need to believe that other people are and would be envious of them and their lifestyle, and the only reason why they could possibly choose to live another type of life is because they don’t know how or fear that they weren’t accepted in the circles they are in.
What we pretend
Both thinker types want to be well-liked. What we believe people will like us for is different based on the basal thinker type. Therefore, what a narcissist pretends to be looks different depending on their basal value system.
Modern: Ideal friend, ideal parent, ideal child, ideal family. (Social narcissism.)
Timeless: Ideal lover, ideal business personality. (Intellectual/romantic/sexual narcissism.)
Sometimes, a full-blown narcissist will mix or swap their ideals completely, thinking being admired by any means necessary is their goal.
A regular Modern thinker will see the Timeless obsession with ideal love, business, and romance as inherently narcissistic. However, it’s narcissism only if it’s fake. In their turn, a Timeless will feel that the Modern’s obsession with keeping the family together no matter what is a sign of narcissism: “They make us all pretend like we’re this big, happy family when we just all fucking hate each other.”
What is normal Modern/Timeless
Normal Modern people love socializing but don’t force anybody to partake. They don’t create fake narratives of how happy and well-loved we all are, even though they wish this was said or known about them without heavy promotion.
Normal Timeless people love being the centre of attention, create, be successful, sexy and romantic, but they don’t pretend to be, nor force others into playing a role in this narrative.
What Modern Timeless consider narcissistic (but isn’t)?
The layman view on narcissism based on Modern vs. Timeless thinking is not actual narcissism, but a profound difference in thinking. Narcissism involves forcing others into your game of pretend, whether you’re Timeless or Modern. Involuntary or permanently one-sidedly unpleasant relationships are a hallmark of narcissism. It is also to be said is that the narcissist does not suffer in these relationships, the victim does.
However, what do we feel like is narcissism even though it isn’t?
Timeless require people to constantly prove they’re special; constant competition; pointing out differences
Young Soul* doesn’t like differences between people, which to the Timeless means “boxing me” or “cutting my wings,” when the Modern parent tries to stop the child from feeling like they need to compete all the time. (They may agree that school is a high-stress environment where competition is paramount, a feeling that the Timeless doesn’t share.)
| Narcissistic? | Timeless | Modern |
|---|---|---|
| Being different | Old Soul* love weird and wonderful, different ways of thinking as long as nobody forces another to change their mind on matters to become "the same." | Young Soul* may view being different either as a developmental issue or stupidity. They may view it as narcissism if they don’t believe the different person is either stupid or mentally ill. |
| Sameness | Old Soul* love weird and wonderful, and want to find people who are different to them the same way as they are. They often say a Modern parent tried to clip their wings or to force them into a box to enforce sameness. |
To the Modern, being "the same" and adjusting to others around them is a sign of love and acceptance and even admiration. Refusal to do so is seen as narcissistic and "acting better than others." |
| Negative feedback | Old Soul* require others to always be considerate when providing negative feedback, even with their family members. They emphasis their positive feelings before getting into the negative. | Young Soul* can give very blunt feedback to their family member. "Well you’re getting fat!" The point is not to insult, but to say: "I can see your flaws but I don’t think there’s anything to be ashamed of, so I just blurt that out, loved one." |
| Difference of opinion | Old Soul* welcome difference of opinion and view, but consider twice before accepting it. Because the Timeless insist every opinion to be scientifically or logically supported, the Modern may feel they are narcissistic demanding such feats from a normal person. Controversially, the Modern accept the opinion of a awarded authority without scrutiny, where as the Timeless scrutinize all claims using science or logic as the measurement. |
Young Soul* like a new perspective but only if it’s supposed to change the way things are done. They all accept it or nobody will. They will also require difference of opinion to eventually lead to the same way of thinking. They may choose how to do things by who is a likeable person rather than what makes sense. |
| Celebrity | Assume celebrities are famous for their talent, skill, or knowledge. Reject other types of celebrities. |
Assume celebrities are either "circus freaks" or role models. They consider a role model refusing to model (teach how to be a better person) narcissistic, shallow, or being a fake celebrity. |
| Beauty | For the Timeless, beauty is linked to narcissim only if it’s somewhat of an end-all-be-all to a person, and if that person requires or assumes special treatment as a result of their beauty. |
To a modern, beauty maybe the only trait required to consider someone narcissistic. Insisting on being beautiful when others around her (or him) are not, is "trying to be different" and thus, narcissistic. |
| Jokes | Old Soul* may easily joke and "insult" their friends to express endearment the same way as the Modern negative feedback. However, before they dare go there, they emphasis in their TONE OF VOICE and facial expressions that they are joking. This very thing may make the Modern feel they’re made fun of in the way a narcissist puts down another person. |
The modern don’t like jokes. If they tell jokes, they are usually funny anecdotes from work or school, that refer to "the wrong type of a person," with the air that those people don’t truly even exist in their world. Their anecdotes involve a third party as the butt of the joke, never themselves or someone they consider a friend. This, to the Timeless feels profoundly narcissistic. |
| Rejection | Old Soul* sees rejecting friendship or love as a basic human right. |
Young Soul* feel love must be paid back with love, therefore rejecting friendship or love of a decent person is narcissistic. They do not understand an idea that a single person would consider another person so unworthy they’d reject them and rather be alone without a very good reason (murder conviction or something). |
| Relationship | Sees a relationship as a joy, happiness, and pleasure giving thing. They see it narcissistic to force a relationship that doesn’t do those things. |
They see a relationship of any type as a partnership against hardships of life. They consider it narcissistic to refuse an offer to a partnership. |
| Standards | A Timeless considers it their responsibility to maintain high standards. A Timeless considers it narcissistic for a person to require another to lower their standards for them. |
A Modern consider it narcissistic to hold onto standards, especially in relationships. |
| Using logic to explain rejection | Old Soul* try to give you a reason for rejecting you. They mean it from a personal perspective, not as a general put down. They try to explain why you TWO are different, not why they are superior to you. | Young Soul* may feel that a rejection backed up with a logical explanation is narcissistic and implies the other finds them subhuman, almost, "I’d rather be alone than with you" which maybe how the Timeless feels, but only because they don’t fear being single and don’t expect the Modern would, either. |
| Dumping you without an explanation | Old Soul* feel that getting dumped cold without an explanation to be unnecessarily cruel and narcissistic. They want to know why they got dumped – was it something they said? Can it be fixed? Misunderstanding maybe, or an actual incompatibility thing. | Young Soul* seem to sometimes mimic "a death" kind of situation. They "die" and vanish out of the blue to signal "these things don’t make sense but alas, I’m off. Don’t wait up." This, particularly if it was an important relationship to them. |
| Using logic to argue | Old Soul* considers the only correct way to argue is to use logic and reason, science to back up one’s views. |
A Modern may feel it’s "unfair" to argue a point using sound logic; like bringing a gun to a knife fight. In addition, the Modern rarely argue about the topic at hand, but they argue about non-specific emotions. |
| Falling in love. | Old Soul* are often objects for one-sided love; reasons are many. When people fall in love, they tend to show presumptous, possessive, jealous, and bossy behavior, that the Timeless directly associate with narcissism. When THEY fall in love, they often get scared of their own behavior; all of the sudden now THEY are the one acting narcissistic. This may actually come in the way of their true love, as they start pulling back out of fear of having found a hidden narcissistic streak they weren’t aware of before. | Unlike the Timeless, the Modern are NOT that often objects of unrequitted love but rather the people onesidedly in love. As they believe love should be returned, they feel the Timeless is narcissistic as they don’t return their feelings. At the same time, the Modern fail here, as they presume love is about falling in love with love itself, when it’s not the person one falls in love with. |
Cure?
The cure for narcissism is the right kind of friends and family members, who will gladly accept you as their own, where you can stop pretending to be more or less than what you are, and you can just be you. In short: Cure for narcissism is a new group of people… And a good idea of what the narcissist wants, needs, and is actually looking for. A good way to trick them is to say “You can look for the exact people you want, just dump the rest.” For this to work, the glorification of loyalty based on a person’s character rather than a reaction to a person (narcissistically demanded loyalty: “you need to pretend to love me”) must stop, and be replaced with a “I’m loyal to whomever makes me happy.” A rather narcissistic statement but isn’t really, but will help the Modern to end relationships that no longer work a little easier.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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