What is “fighting for a relationship”?

Fuck do I know? Sounds like some dumb the Normal Person* Thinking shit. Anyway. Let’s try.

OMG. I’m just saying. I’m a Savants*. I struggle.

So if Amber Heard is anything to go by, “fighting for a relationship” involves punching your husband in the face on a regular basis and then bitch and moan when he doesn’t want to stick around to give her a beating, too. What that fight is supposed to result in, I’m not entirely sure. Amber? “So I know he’s in it for real.” And why should he be in the fight for real? Why is that relationship defined by a fight? Amber: “…” Refuses to answer. Alright.

So the logic is that the fight will bond them together when they both realize they’re not leaving the relationship.

When does the fight end, Amber? When do you know you’ve fought enough? Amber: “When we both have had enough.” Me: “You mean when YOU have had enough, right?”

Johnny: “So by her logic, I SHOULD HAVE risked to give her ammo against me by punching her, so she has something to hold over my head, is how I felt about it.”

Me: At least that makes sense.

Amber: So be it, I wanted him to punch me so I can… No, that’s not why. I wanted him to *fuck me up* – to care enough to feel pissed off with me sometimes.

Johnny: Why? Why wasn’t my… Love that has now died, and I can’t quite believe I felt it in the first place; enough?

Amber: Love is never that simple.

Johnny: To me it is. To her, it is; to us, it is. Simple. Easy. Fun. Exciting. Sexy. All of those things. Intelligent, intriguing… Uplifting, evolving, teaching… Uh, so many things, but ‘I want to punch you in the face’ hasn’t come up yet with ANY of my women.

Me: is that simple love, I’m not sure. Multilayered, but she has some feeling that makes her hate… Love.

Amber: Oh, I do! I hate… Love. I hate it how it makes me weak and exposed. Vulnerable. Destroyable.

Johnny: That’s quite right, that’s why you don’t proceed to destroy your partner… Because they’re just as scared as you are, if not more so, as I’ve been told, that women think men are bullet proof, and act accordingly.

****

I’m going to cut that conversation by Amber’s request, and Johnny’s agreement, but there you go. I’ll just say I feel Amber felt ANGRY because Johnny MADE HER feel love toward him. That pissed her off. But I’ve studied their relationship a lot, there’s A LOT OF EMOTION to unpack. Some of it even love.

A friend: “So you’re not angry you’ve fallen in love? She made perfect sense to me. I fucking hate that, too.

Another: Me too.

Me: Really? Fuck no. I’m angry at people who cannot make me fall in love with them but insist on keeping me company by force. You two. I don’t feel particularly vulnerable with love. I don’t… RELY on it. I don’t take it as a cot, I take it as a joy. It’s a luxury thing for me. You can give up on luxury when you can’t have it. I don’t think love should be… a necessity. It is  a necessity to be self-reliant. Then, when you fall in love, you don’t have to feel like it’ll destroy you.

Amber resumes: But doesn’t that feel empty?

Me: I get what you mean, but… At least I can handle it. Let me think. I focus on something other than my fear of it all. I focus on the person I’m with. His amazingness. His sexiness. I don’t think about how I’ll get destroyed by it. Or how he’ll leave me one day. I focus on here and now, how he smiles or moves his weight from one foot onto the other in the most charming way, or… You know… What’s there. I don’t focus on myself. I’ll be fine, and at the end of the day, I’d spent this time with a wonderful person, and even if he leaves, he can’t take that away from me.

Amber: I want this. Devestation. I wanted this. This is what love is to me.

Johnny: You should come with a warning label. And that’s all I need to ever say to you ever again.

Amber: I guess that’s a part of it. I don’t want to be loved forever… I don’t think I deserve it.

Johnny: Touché. I have to agree.

*** closing again ***

Speaking of warning labels, a lot of people use them online. I do. “Polyandrist. Never going to do monogamy again,” you know. If you ignore it, it’s on you, right? I will be looking at other men, all that. Don’t act surprised when I bring up having been with another guy, or whatever.

I don’t know if that answers the question.

In the positive sense, fighting for a relationship must be done TOGETHER with your partner, against outside threats.

I had to look at tarot to find a positive meaning for the phrase. But yes, there is one. Of course, you have to fight some outsiders from getting in between your relationship in weird ways. To fight against rumours, ill talk, misrepresentation of your person, feelings, attitudes, ideals, that sort of thing.

Johnny: Gossip magazine takes on what’s going on in your relationship.

Me: Totally. And town gossipers takes, too. Someone who has some claim to being your friend when anything gossip worthy happens and they turn it into drama for their own amusement… Setting your relationship alight. So yeah, I guess there’s some fighting to do against OUTSIDERS, but not within the relationship.

Johnny: never that, to me, either. Never. Not once. Just hugs and kisses. They make sense.

Me: They do.

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