What is love, what feels like love, and what is so close to love it feels just like hate

Love is the situation when you see another person the same way they see themselves, and they see you the same way as you see yourself, and you both love what you see in each other. If you see flaw in each other, you agree on what is a flaw and what is a virtue – and what should be the goal, the ideal way of either one of you to be, together or as individuals.

The hate-feeling happens, when someone sees you either incorrectly, or correctly, but doesn’t like you the way you are. Either they refuse to acknowledge your true self-image, or they will try to gradually guide you toward the person they wish you were – but an ideal you don’t agree with. This is when someone can’t let you be: they don’t like you for who you are, but they can’t let you go, either, because you’re close enough to what they love that they see “potential” in you, rather than perfection.¹ And this is where the annoying to-and-fro happens. It can be mutual or completely one-sided, the point is, that someone is trying to push toward a goal the pushed has no wish to wind up in.

When a person is evolved enough to see other people clearly and allow them the space that they need to be who they are without judgment, it feels like love to the observed even when it isn’t. In this situation, the observer is relaxed about the situation; that person is not and has no chance of being what the observer would love as their True Emotion Mirror or a Precious Soulmate. Therefore, they’ll let them be whatever they are freely. No loss here. This feels like a situation where someone sees you freely but doesn’t try to change you as a result.

Which is which? Full love or no love at all?

Signs of no love for you here:

• Dead giveaway: Your physical attractiveness level doesn’t match. If he or she is a full 10 (or 9) looks wise and you simply are not, the full 10 probably has no desire to even try to “perfect” you. (If they appear to be pointing out your flaws to you, they are attempting to explain to you why they aren’t going to be wasting their time trying to make you into someone they’d love. This is often interpreted as “Look, I am pointing out your flaws to you, I could help you out with those if you just let me love you.” However, that WOULD BE a sign of love if it WAS what it is.)
• In general: You’ve irritated them to a point where they’re listing your flaws to you, loudly, cruelly, and with a huge load of frustration. They’re trying to point out what to them is obvious: you’re not on the same level and you never will be.
• They never call or contact you, they never (or rarely) approach you, and when they do, they have “official” business.
• They don’t share their secrets with you, or they give you “a press-release” version of what’s going on in their life.
• They are more focussed on your problems on “coaching you” rather than talk about their own inner world because they see you as a charity case. A chance to be a good person by helping someone else get ahead in life – without any personal feelings for you.

Signs of love might still be it:

• They say they’re not interested but seem to be – seek for your company, keep calling you, reminding you they exist.
• They keep looking you right in the eye a lot, and for long. In a way that would normally be weird or uncomfortable, but with them, it’s nice and calming… And you don’t have to force or play them into doing that.
• If you are in a public place, they’ll somehow find their way closer to you rather than to the opposite corner of the room – unless they are married and wish to remain that way, and you pose a threat to that marriage by being exactly what they wanted all along.
• You don’t have to beg for their attention or try and irritate them or do cartwheels to keep their attention on you. Even if you sat around peacefully doing nothing, saying nothing, they’d still have their full attention on you.

1. Yes there is such a thing as perfection, you for one if we ask you – whoever you are. People are always the representation of their own ideal self – as close to it as they feel/are free to be. ↩

Subscribe to get a Daily Message