What you imagine another person will feel about your action is how they feel. Focus on your actual intent.

Imagine approaching a dog and thinking, “Oh, he’s going to escape because I’m going to grab it and lock it into a grate…” It is important for animals—including us—to be aware of each other’s intent in our interactions. Most of the time, we don’t have much of an intent in mind. We just do things rather passively, thinking, “Well, it’s gotta be done.”

The reason why narcissists are so good at making people like them (at first) is that they feel: “Oh, you’re so lucky to be seen with me; I’m so hot.” Eventually, it’ll wear off, probably, but initially, it’s easy to like a narcissist. But their mind will also sift: “I’m going to make you do things. I’m going to force this… Oh, I’m going to punish you for that…”

Conflicted feelings

In our interactions, not all of our intent is bad, even though we put a bad vibe out there. Whenever we feel guilty or ashamed or afraid that what we’re doing isn’t going to be received well, we give this weird vibe to others. On one hand, you’re doing good; on another, you think you suck at it.

Imagine giving a shoulder massage to someone. You know it should feel good, but you also think you’re terrible at it. You fumble around, and YOU don’t enjoy giving him or her the pleasure of your massage.

Men

This is very applicable to our sexual relationships, especially with men who are made feel very guilty about their part of the deal. She may always feel, “Oh, he’s so lucky right now,” but men try to constrict themselves so they don’t have too negative impact… And wind up having no pleasurable impact at all – like shaking another hand.

That is not THEIR fault; it’s the fault of women and religions (inspired by women) that spread the “sex is bad, and men are guilty” message. This message  HAS TO change. It is up to heterosexual women to start talking and helping men understand how they feel when sex is good. Women shouldn’t focus on what they want or like but rather on how they feel about it. Preferably physically. And I know that’s a big ask. (I’m going to try, but man… It’s going to suck as a piece of writing. You notice what I just did to myself?)

Feeling like a manipulative racist.

Now, every white person knows what this feels like, at least in the first interactions with a person of a different ethnic group. Except maybe Bill Bur because he has no conscience. ;p Anyway. We feel like, “Oh, I’m trying to be nice. I want to be nice, but I’m trying to be nice. I wonder if I’m being a racist…  Am I nice to this person simply because they’re black? That’s anti-racism, isn’t it? Their race shouldn’t matter, but what if they interpret what I say the wrong way..?” And the very “am I being nice to them because they’re black” feeling will feel like “they’re trying to be nice to me but they don’t really like me because I’m black.” When you don’t like the interaction due to your insecurity, the opposite party feels you don’t like them. The conflict of emotion is going to get picked up.

“I want to make you feel good.”

Whenever we have our heart in the right place, the most generic feeling we can feel is “I want to make you feel good (about yourself/for being with me)”. If we tell a joke and think “I want to tickle your funny bone” the joke doesn’t have to be very good to land very well. The INTENT is what matters. Your INTENT to be humorous and on good mood is what matters most.

Even the worst joke can land with a roaring laughter followed by “oh that is SUCH A BAD JOKE,” when the INTENT is on the dot. Lots of comedians go around basically insulting people with a humorous intent, and people love it. If you think: “Oh man I’m going to suck at this” and go on stage… You’re going to suck. Your attention is the wrong detail. You’re allowed to suck, but it’s ok as long as people are amused by it.

“I want to be liked.”

One of the worst intents you can have in your interactions is “I want to be liked.” It gives you a manipulative and selfish, desperate vibe. The MUCH BETTER feeling is going into interactions with an intent: “I want to make you like yourself more because of what I’m going to say to you.” Whenever you make people like themselves more, you make them like being around you. That’s a given.

You should never forget doing this, even with people who you think do not need your validation. They do. Even with people who have the strongest of self-esteem, they need validation that YOU like them. They can find plenty of people who like them, and don’t need to hang around with the one person who doesn’t. Only people obsessed with wanting to be liked get bothered by people who don’t like them. It’s not a good thing to be obsessed with.

Put your intent to your web profiles and projects.

You know writing this, I’m thinking: “Oh my blog is a CHAOS. There’s SO MUCH STUFF, nobody is ever going to want to read any of it! It’s like… Oh man, it’s terrible.” And yes, I’m thinking that for a reason. I’m not asking you to change your thinking against reality, but you know… Put your intent into your web projects you are actually proud of. People can sense it.

You have the power to change someone’s mind about themselves.

You can make people feel good about themselves, and you can make them feel bad about themselves. Luckily, the positive is often the more powerful message, and if you try to make a person feel bad about themselves, they’ll usually find someone who can do the opposite. (Never stick around thinking “they’re trying to make me feel bad about myself because they’re insecure and think I’m better than them. Even if that was true, someone who tries to make you feel bad isn’t in the right frame of mind for a relationship with you, at least. And yes, I’ve walked away from my True Emotion Mirrors because they have reacted badly.)

Anyway, you can rise to a challenge and make another person feel good about who they are, how they look like, and how they’re doing with what they’re doing. Just… Don’t lie. Giving a person a false ego isn’t a favor. Then again… You can give a person a false ego and flatter them up and down if you really hate them, and most people will think you’re the nice one… ;p (This is TRULY the worst thing you can do to a person. LIE to them about being beautiful, being smart, being lovable, and to make it unnecessary for them to ever do any better – but remove yourself as a price. Most of us do this trying to be nice, mind you… I’ve realized that I’ve treated my true soul enemy like this for years… And try as I might, I can’t figure out a worse thing to do to her for a revenge.)

If you have a dog…

Imagine your dog hating getting his coat brushed, or getting a bath. Not difficult to do, is it? You know how he’s going to react to you approaching him with a brush or a towel? Now, imagine you’re about to pamper that hairy bugger a bit. Imagine how good the brush must feel on his itchy skin (we all get itchy when someone scratches our backs, but the scratch creates and cures the itch), or how soothing the water would feel running under his coat. What a joy it would be to have someone massage the shampoo into one’s coat… Oh! I’m starting to feel jealous!

If you have a dog, do practise on him. Make him love his kibble, brushings, and baths, and sure enough you can make someone’s night the next time you’ll have sex…

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