Whatever you feel the need to keep telling someone else (in an irritated tone) is probably something you don’t fully believe yourself, yet

One of the main topics that I keep banging on about is “you cannot just point a finger at someone you fancy and order them to love you because you love them”. I keep repeating repeating repeating. Still, somehow it doesn’t seem to be enough. I know that if I love someone, there is no guarantee they will love me back. No drama. I can take rejection with the best of them, but in reverse, not so certain. Someone shows me love, and I feel like I need to somehow reciprocate… Even if my feelings were mild or even non-existent.

The trouble with these kinds of things is that once you convince one person that OK, this is not okay, there’ll be another doing the same thing to you. And YOU will be the target of these actions because you are still vulnerable to them. For instance, a woman may feel, deep down, that she owes a man sexual favors if he wants her. Even though logically she knows damned well this isn’t true, her emotional space may not be quite there yet. She might not have fully internalized that her body is her own to do with as she pleases and that she has every right to say no, and to enforce it – and even not attract those actions in the first place. (I’m not blaming the victim, I’m just saying you have the power to change EVERYONE’s reactions to you, rather than fight off every guy one at a time. It’ll be damnedsite easier to change your own beliefs than change every man in this world – and also women who genuinely love men who “take charge”, and who WANT to lift the guilt from those men… Women like myself, although I also believe fully that no means no, and I know how to use it, PLUS I have never been even close to being raped.)

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