When advising the Modern, don’t use the words “don’t” or “can’t”…

the Modern are very childish people, even as adults. When you advise them with a “don’t” or “you can’t,” they are absolutely going to do just that, just to see what they are missing out on.

If you tell them, “Don’t stick your tongue on a frozen iron pole,” and you think they’d fucken listen to you knowing they’ll damned near rip their tongue out trying to free themselves from the pole, you know you have the Modern kid in your hands when the first thing they do after a frost is find a metal pole and stick their tongue on it. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with freezing weather, iron gets so cold in winter that when you touch it with your tongue, the water (saliva) on your tongue instantly freezes onto the pole. You cannot get free until someone helps to warms up your tongue with warm water or you rip the surface of your tongue off getting yourself free. It is very painful and leaves permanent damage. Unadvisable. And no, I was never dumb/foolhardy enough to try it myself.)

At any rate, whatever you tell the Modern not to do at any age or for any reason, they think, is the fun that everyone except them is permitted to have. They always feel they are special only in being the ones who never get to have anything good or fun.

Rather, form the sentences: “You can have it/do it if you do this:” NOW you have their attention. You can also say: “Well, if you want to try it so hard, do it. See how it goes, but don’t come crying to me when you get hurt or humiliated.” And avoid telling them what NOT to do because they’re certain to try doing it.

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