When is it possible that a Trail Companion* will turn into True Emotion Mirror?
OK. I’ve mentioned a few times, that I believe Trail Companions* CAN turn into True Emotion Mirrors or that a True Emotion Mirror can turn into a Trail Companion*. The likelihood of this is EXTREMELY LOW. A Trail Companion* IS NOT on a development path to become a True Emotion Mirror but belong in another category entirely, no matter HOW much time Trail Companions* would spend together. There is a TINY theoretical possibility that Trail Companions* will turn into True Emotion Mirrors, the most likely path to a new True Emotion Mirror is the Potential True Emotion Mirror or a Precious Soulmate* turning into a True Emotion Mirror. However, never say never.
A person’s core is what counts.
With all soulmates, we are comparing the CORE of each individual to each other. That is what each one of us is, in our unaltered, non-pretentious, free state. In addition, we have the external ego, the what we want people to think we are. The so-called “improvements” we’ve made to our true self. Ego doesn’t matter here. It gets in the way and is the source of all problems, but when we are trying to match two or more individuals, we try to toss the ego aside and see past it entirely to make the assessment.
The Young Soul* will find this part of the theory unnerving and depressing, the Old Souls* will find it reassuring
Now… This is particularly difficult for the Young Soul* to understand, so I am going to try and explain this from their perspective first. The Young Soul* don’t necessarily care about the core. Their core is very much “fluid” as in open and WILLING to be changed and molded. The Old Souls* regard the wrong person’s attempt to mold and modify their core as a direct act of hostility and do not appreciate it one god damned bit. A Young Soul* will.
A Young Soul* will think that when I say that Trail Companions* won’t change into True Emotion Mirrors that I say this as a defeatist statement; “It is not possible for a person to change” “don’t bother trying to change a lesser person into a higher person” or “people would never change for you, such is this pitiful life of ours”. the Old Souls* feel that they have EVERY RIGHT NOT TO change for another person, and definitely, they will REFUSE to change for a person they do not love. They will EXPAND A LOT for their True Emotion Mirrors, but they will not change an ounce for a Trail Companion*, not even one they kinda like.
The Old Souls* say that the True Emotion Mirror connection either is or isn’t. The Young Soul* don’t like that.
the Young Soul* are all about filling a mould. They take pride in their ability to change the way others ask them to. Their limitation to their ability to change is simply their level of IQ and their level of skill. They are FULLY prepared and willing to change in order to create or maintain a relationship, from a Old Souls*’s perspective, ANY relationship. That is why they are called the Young Soul*.
Because the Young Soul* are always more than willing, in a positive, excited and challenged way to change for another person, they find the Old Souls*’s view as someone who is depressed: “I’ll never be able to be the person you’d love, I’m a nobody, I’m no good.” As all people view themselves as the epitome of perfection, no matter what they are, just perfectly down to earth, just perfectly flamboyant, just perfectly dumb or smart, they always see any Trail Companion* as a project or a lost cause. One or the other. Never a perfect being like the True Emotion Mirrors feels for each other. The True Emotion Mirrors who feel they could “improve” some small detail of their loved one should not panic, we all want to GROW, EXPAND, and even CHANGE for the people WE consider perfect. NOBODY in their right mind would change to mirror a person they do not consider perfect. This is why the Trail Companion* is called that; your VALUES, your IDEALS to thrive for, are only PARTIALLY matching.
True Emotion Mirror connections are a choice and a creation…
When I said, at some stage, that True Emotion Mirror connections are CREATED, not ready-made bonds that either is or is not, the Young Soul* heard me say that you can make anyone into something they aren’t. It seems that the whole True Emotion Mirror idea simply becomes an excuse for them to keep persisting on what they want to happen.
When the Old Souls* fall in love, they say: “I am looking for someone who would…” and the other one replies: “That is exactly who I am! I am looking for someone, who, in addition to that would be…” and the other replies: “Well that is exactly the way I am!”
When two the Young Soul* fall in love they say: “I am looking for someone to fit this mold with me.” And the other one replies. “That is exactly the same mold I want to fit with someone.” The other one continues: “I am NOT SURE if I know HOW TO be this way, tho.” The other one says “That’s OK, I will HELP YOU!” SWEET! All good here, and a pair of Attuning Personality Mirrors. They may go as far as deciding which one of them takes the lead and decides on the particular boxes “as a couple, we believe that…” even if initially, they saw things very differently.
When a Old Souls* doesn’t WANT TO change for the Young Soul*, the Young Soul* thinks the Old Souls* is down on themselves or cynical and doesn’t believe they COULD POSSIBLY learn to be such an amazing person as their model (the partner) person is. An Old Soul* has learned to appreciate people’s differences in the sense that they don’t think there is one right way of being, but that even though MY PERSONAL ideal is X, that doesn’t mean everyone should worship the ground I dread on simply because I display the qualities of an X as much as I can. They understand someone else’s idea of perfection is Y, and that they have every right to thrive towards Y instead of X. The Young Soul*’s self-confidence isn’t strong enough to hold a differing opinion, but they HAVE TO follow the opinion of the stronger personality – and they attempt to maintain their own ideal for as long as they are FORCED to change it.
The way the Old Souls* feels the Young Soul* falls in love with them
When the Young Soul* fall in love with a Old Souls* (which happens A LOT) they say: “I like you. I like the way you look and appear to people. You look successful, popular, and easy to train. There are some big improvements I could help you make just by looking at you here, now. I could do miracles with you, seriously. I’d like you in my life. I liked you instantly, therefore, we must be True Emotion Mirrors. Now I own you. Here is what I need you to do in order to be a proper True Emotion Mirror for me.”
When the Old Souls* replies: “Oh I have no intention of being ‘your True Emotion Mirror’.” The Young Soul* goes: “Oh my God, a runner! You have commitment issues and you are in denial. You belong to me and I will do everything in my power to force you to my will. I have God’s backing; we are already married in spirit. The reason why you are running away from me is because I am more enlightened than you and you simply have too much ego to know I am better than you. Trust me, I can help you become a better version of you, more like I am! Stop resisting me!”
This is a situation where no the Old Souls* will be open to changing, particularly not from the heart. They may alter their external behavior, but they will never truly BECOME another person like the Young Soul* expects them to happily become.
OK. So what DOES happen when Trail Companions* turn into True Emotion Mirrors
A pair of Trail Companions* are together in some form or another. Most likely NOT in a relationship together. They are not really compatible, but one starts admiring the other and decides to become more like them, because everything the other one is, is exciting to them, and they want to become more like that person. They know they have some stuff in their life that they need to work on, to really stop doing A in order to be more B, and they go about this process out of sheer admiration of that person, who never even KNOWS they are being used for a model of some kind. When the other partner has truly transformed themselves, they may have turned into True Emotion Mirrors ; perfectly compatible in every aspect.
If this is an actual transformation into someone’s True Emotion Mirror, this is not an external change. It will also stick REGARDLESS of whether these two people stay together or not. What this person decided to do is to really dig down into their own psychology and truly change the core of their being to become a better person. They wanted to be more for the person they admired.
The change must start with the person themselves, THEY must want the change. Many people try to force a change on someone or misinterpret their suggestion of a relationship as a free permission for remodeling. In reality, you can never force someone to be less than what they already are, you can only expand on what a person already is; to become more, never less. (Free’er and more skilled, but unfortunately, we don’t always consider what is ‘less’ and what is ‘more’, for instance, “more responsible” rather than “more authentic.”) You can also change some aspects that a person no longer likes about oneself, but a lot of people, instead of changing what they are, they rather settle on covering up the stuff they don’t like… And that makes more unhappy people, not happy people.
The change ALWAYS has to come from another person or it’s called abuse
In the plainest terms possible, only assholes and brutal cunts try to change another person into what they themselves want them to be. This is called a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and it is listed as one of the most severe forms of personality disorders there is.
Now, NOT ALL the Young Soul* are NPD, don’t get me wrong. Only those who insist on FORCING another person into a mold they choose for them, rather than mutually agreeing on a mold that WE as a couple or a pair of friends or a group or a family decide to fill. Let me repeat that. If a person is RELUCTANT or COMPLETELY UNWILLING to change or “to grow” or “to learn”, and this process is forced upon them, it’s abuse, not “love”, particularly when that person is a grown up and trying to END a relationship rather than create it.
“I like your hair” to the Young Soul* means: “Oh God I admire everything that you are, please teach me how to be you!”
It is OK to change someone who is a willing participant, but it is SO EASY for the Young Soul* to WRONGLY ASSUME they have the “go ahead” for changing another person – for instance, a simple, even a distant friendship with someone!!! The Young Soul* may assume that after a person has said they admire some specific trait about this person, they are FULLY admirable and a perfect person. A Young Soul* has a tendency of speaking about people as their entirety, if you like ONE quality of them and express it, they are quick to conclude they think they are perfect in every way.
To a Old Souls*, this is simple LUNACY. The Old Souls* isolate the things they like about a person, and they isolate things they DON’T like about the same person, and they tend to compliment people quite freely if they like ANYTHING about them, and usually, they like SOMETHING about everyone. As the Old Souls* are quick to give compliments, the Young Soul* think they mean “I admire all of you”, and as they often than “take it back” by pointing out a flaw in that same person, the Young Soul* thinks they are “fickle” or “fake” or “dishonest”. They either love you or hate you, they never feel ambivalent about a person. Even when they try to CHANGE that person into their ideal person, they still “love them as a whole” it is a very odd way of thinking for a Old Souls* to understand.
the Old Souls* are also a bit prone to flattering others, as are quite self-satisfied and they are often quite admired themselves, they feel awkward about all that admiration so they tend to try and return compliments wherever they can, even if they weren’t fully sold on this person. They’ll find SOMETHING good about them to say or to think about them, just to be FRIENDLY, but this doesn’t mean they want to MAKE FRIENDS.
An Old Soul* may even feel obligated to compliment others, celebrities and other admired people must become masters in complementing people they have no interest in, and one of the most popular stock compliments that mean that “I can’t truly see anything I like here” is: “You have such beautiful eyes” or “oh look at that smile”. Neither your eyes or your smile can be fat, therefore they’re an easy thing to compliment on. Hair being the close third. When a Old Souls* complements your clothes, you’re in a big, big trouble, as that essentially means: “Fuck you’re worthless if I have to stoop to complementing your CLOTHES!” (Not always, as every once and a while, there’s that one piece that is actually AWESOME.)
Helping someone grow as a person
Another related issue to this is the Young Soul* wish to always “show others how to be human”, as in their need to force others into fit their own idea of how a person should behave and live their lives. Granted, most the Old Souls* have traces of left of this need, too. Particularly if phrased as “how to be a better person” as in, “how to make sure I do not negatively affect the lives of others”, but they try to not PUSH their opinion to anyone. This is why they are more likely to offer public guidance than the Young Soul* are, as the reader can choose to read or not to read. “If you find this helpful, read it, if not, don’t.” The Old Souls* are also not trying to make friends out of the people they are coaching but the Young Soul* are. Not that it didn’t happen, but that is not their motivation.
The Young Soul* consider teaching their way of being “a secret” as if they were handing out encryption keys to their security vault. The more people know how to impress them, the more scared they are that they are going to be duped into a friendship. I don’t know fully why they fear to make the wrong friends so much when all they need to know about a person to make friends with them is that they’ve got the right number of children or something equally superficial, but I digress. To me, the Young Soul* are freaking masters in making the wrong friends and taking them as hundred percent reliable for life.
Now, here’s a growing point to the Old Souls* in coaching positions: Please acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with settling for lower standards than what you would choose for yourself. Driving someone into doing more and more is not necessarily going to help them become happier, but rather, more stressed out. As a life coach, you should thrive towards helping the person to accept their authentic self, warts and all, no matter how unambitious, because that is the position where they will find their power in. It’s like helping them to get their feet firmly on the ground and THEN ask them what it is that they want to achieve, rather than trying to see them floating in the air, panicked, trying to find something to hold onto, and you point at a Zeppelin and go: “All the rich people are up there.” (Bad idea, even if the Zeppelin didn’t explode.) Maybe they’re quite happy on the ground… Most people really only want stability.
So… As a coach, it is your job to find the CORE of a person, and guide them towards it, rather than create an external expectation #501903 that won’t make them happy. As someone’s soulmate, you are also in the position of a coach, really. If you see them for who they are, and how they are avoiding the person that they are, simultaneously harming themselves and becoming unhappier by the moment… You can guide them towards their own authentic self, and you should. The Young Soul*, however, will have, again, a very odd idea of how to define a person’s authentic self, and it has something to do with where that person was born… To make a long story short.
Summary
The Old Souls* and the Young Soul* think about relationships differently. They interpret the start of a relationship to be different. The Young Soul* may be as extreme as to think compliments shared means: “I really want to be your best friend.” Because the Old Souls* are quick to find something nice to say about everyone, or they want to at least THINK about something nice about everyone, this may give the Young Soul* the impression “they are serious about this friendship”. The Young Soul* are VERY STINGY about giving compliments, so receiving one, to them means extreme sucking up. The Old Souls*, although they too need compliments and praise, do not base an entire friendship on one or two of them, or even to the notion of “liking someone”. They tend to like everyone to a degree, and that means nothing, in itself, really.
As there is a difficulty in deciding when an acquaintance is a friend in the making, a relationship between a Old Souls* and the Young Soul* can develop into the Young Soul* insistence of “molding each other” into a mutual compromise of perfection, while the Old Souls* maybe bewildered to find the Young Soul* thinks there IS a relationship.
When the change truly happens is limited to the Old Souls* together, and the Young Soul* together. A Young Soul* will never turn into a Old Souls*’s True Emotion Mirror (but they can be automatically, but only the Old Souls* can tell for sure as their requirements are about a 100 times more complicated). An Old Soul* is also not going to change into the Young Soul*’s True Emotion Mirror from a Trail Companion* state, at least it is very unlikely. Neither rule says they cannot get married.
The Old Souls* will change themselves sometimes, to reach a new ideal they found for themselves. This may make former Trail Companions* into full ones. This may occur through the discovery of new litterature, maybe a new philosophy or an ideal that they VOLUNTARILY adopt. This may create “new” True Emotion Mirrors and break the existing ones.
MAY. Perhaps. It is a possibility. You should never consider this as a promise that it will happen, as you can only change yourself or a person who is more than willing to learn and takes this process positively and openly, completely willing to be changed. NEVER FORCE THINGS, OK?
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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