When people stir shit, who are you loyal to? Who do you trust?

I want you to make it very clear to yourself WHO you cannot afford to lose. Make it clear to yourself, where your loyalties lie, and then, LET NOTHING come between those people and tongue chimes ¹ that try to come in between you and to create drama between true friends.

Your love and respect combined with your insecurities is a risk

There’s a great sense of insecurity that true lovers and authentic friends bring up. When you love and admire someone so much, it’s easy for others to exploit that insecurity. It comes in many forms, all have to do with YOUR weakness, not theirs:

• You fear you’re not objective when it comes to your adored friend.
• You fear it’s too good to be true someone like that would actually love you and be loyal to you.
• You fear you’re not good enough for them, and that they agree.
• You fear that their friendship to you or their love for you is a joke, ready to blow up in your face at any time.
• etc.

When you feel completely on the edge about your love for this person, others may use it to turn you against them… And they do. The more popular you are, the more they want to do it: If they can turn your adoring eyes away from one person, they want to be the one you look onto when your heart breaks.

Let me tell you how I deal with shit like this

Luckily, I’ve only come across a situation like this twice in my life.

The Blog Comment

First time, it was a friend I made fast. She was cool, witty, charming, entertaining, pretty… All of those things. I thought she was incredibly funny. I knew she had a dark side, but I thought how refreshing! I was sick and tired of nice people, right? She was different. She had everything going for her, or so I thought.

We ran a blog together, and one day, we received a comment that was very unusual. It was an attack on both of us, putting us two against each other as a comparison which one of us was the sexiest. We took to questioning who might have left that comment, as it was bizarre. It was obviously an inside job, so to speak, we had a group split between three major cities in Finland, and this person was commenting on events that happened in two of them.

Now… I still don’t know who wrote it. I have my suspicions but know nothing for certain. However, if it was planning to split us up, it did, but only because she was using it to turn me against the two men I had a crush on/was in love with. She decided to accuse one of these two of it. There is NO WAY either one of them would have done it. One lacks the fashion sense and motivation required to do it, and the other one was too much of a gentleman to do anything so low… Particularly against me. Her, maybe, but not me. That didn’t stop her from pointing a finger at him.

Why I was so angry

I would have understood her suspicion if she had gone through everyone one by one trying to see who was the likely author of the comment, but when his name came up, his especially, I felt her intent was to turn me off him. I felt she felt he was a competitor over my love for her in comparison to herself. I felt she wanted me to stop adoring him so much because she wanted all of the attention. She was a bisexual.

When she did this, my feelings for her went cold. On the spot. You Do Not Drive A Wedge Between Myself And A Man I Love. You simply do not do it. I ended my friendship with her as a result. Dead cold. Unforgivable bullshit.

Unfortunately, the collateral damage meant I lost the whole group of people. A group I still remember fondly, all except one who is a Teflon pan for drama. Completely unaffected. Still… Damage was done, but I still think of him with pink eye classes and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

The contract

Another time was with another woman. She had become a fixture in the lives of my by then fresh ex-husband and I. She wasn’t normal from the start, hence the reason I was curious about her in the first place, she was… Intriguing. However, when she accused my best friend, my ex-husband, my exie (ex + bestie) of using her for money, I went scarily close to believing her. I didn’t know the details of their finances because I wasn’t a member of the company, but I brought it up with him. You should have seen the look on his face. He was disgusted. No more needed to be said, but he took the matter up with his business partner, and they paid back the entirety they owed her and were paying back to her on schedule, but decided to do away with her and her money on the spot.

Later, she was thrown out of his place of business where she was causing drama for a change. That’s gladly the last we’ve heard of her.

I believe she was somewhat innocent in all of this, her IQ isn’t the highest possible, and she trusts one of her friends a bit too much. I think she might have thought we were becoming too important to her, so she planted this thought into her head and she ran with it.

No drama on our part, she was getting troublesome in other ways, too.

Insulting my dad is also not a smart move

A family member took to Facebook to tell me stuff about how my behavior online was starting to look like I was “from the working classes”. I figure I am, and the man working hardest in my family is my dad. This bitch thinks she’s better than my dad? Think again!

She has always spoken shit about my parents to me to turn me against my own parents and to make herself look better in my eyes. I don’t care when it comes to my mom, I have enough issues with her to last a lifetime, but never ever say shit about my dad.

0 tolerance of outsiders stirring shit

Remember who you love. Anyone else is a shit stirrer that you cannot afford in your close circles. No matter what, shut them up and do away with them. IF there is any truth to their rumors, sort it out with the people who you love the most, the ones who can’t really do wrong by you, you know? Who you’d forgive blowing up the core of planet Earth.

The only things you are likely to not “forgive” is any talk of them not wanting you, right, but sort that out. The other thing maybe your vanity, whoever you are. Suggestions that the person you love isn’t as stylish, cool, or amazing as you think they are. Realize that this is your shitty self-esteem talking and own what and who you are and what you like. It’s the easiest thing in the world to attack someone’s sense of style, sense of “cool” or their artistic abilities, as they are VERY subjective matters. Don’t let anything like that get in the way of your love for those you love.

Don’t let bullshit talkers get in between you and those who you adore. They don’t matter. Their opinions don’t matter. Shut them up. Fire them if you can. Throw their asses on the street. Show them who matters to you and who doesn’t.

Make no apologies.

Also, make a promise to yourself, right now. This will make you stronger, not weaker: Always forgive those who you authentically love for doubting you. They are not as much doubting you as they are doubting themselves. Forgive them for it, even if it drives you apart for decades. Always be willing to reconcile, because these people matter more to you than anyone else.

Keep the bullshit talkers out, even if it was two decades ago, tho.

Why do they do it?

People who stick together like the Savants* Mirrors have the capacity of doing are dangerous. They are uncontrollable. People around them sense this and want to nip it in the bud. Divide and conquer is the old rule of thumb that is applied here. Whenever two or more people get too close, drive a wedge between them and control them all.

Don’t let them!

1. A tongue chime, kielikello, a Finnish expression for a person who spread gossip, rumors, and talks shit behind people’s backs. ↩

Subscribe to get a Daily Message