When the Normal Person* and a Savants* are True Emotion Mirrors (to each other)
the Normal Person* and the Savants* are like oil and water. Chalk and cheese. Bonding them is nearly impossible… Nearly. Still, it happens… Often, even, that the Normal Person* and a Savants* make for a True Emotion Mirror pair. This is going to be the Normal Person*’s battle with himself or with herself, as they have to face their fear of walking into a love trap. This is nearly impossible fear for a Savants* to understand, and that’s why the Savants* are often completely useless in explaining to the Normal Person* what needs to be done. On the other hand, the Normal Person* don’t understand the Savants*’ fearlessness and interpret their lack of fight for complete cowardness.
the Normal Person* fear intimacy
the Normal Person* fear intimacy but blame the Savants* for it. The logic goes, that the Normal Person* attack what they fear; their lover, their True Emotion Mirror, whereas the Savants* fear only that they might interpret the Normal Person*’s interest for… Well, interest and they fear they’ll be pushing themselves somewhere where they are not welcome. A situation that is all too familiar for themselves to endure from the Normal Person* who don’t know how to take a no for an answer. As the Savants* are only ever aggressive when they are TRULY fed up with someone and rejecting them… Now… I have to stop myself. The Normal Person* don’t understand the word “rejection” the same way as the Savants* do.
To a Savants*, an aggressive rejection is permanent. It means there is 0 chance of reconciliation for them. They will always keep the door a little open for as long as they think there’s a chance of bonding, but the Normal Person* REJECT people who they fear will become irreplaceable for them.
the Normal Person* learn to fear abandonment due to the way they make friends and lovers (too eager, too pushy)
the Normal Person* fear of abandonment after full bonding is seated deep. The Savants*’ fear of being a nuisance to another person is seated nearly as deep. The Savants* feel they can survive anything alone, and they also believe that once you make a friend, you’ll never leave them. However, the Normal Person* don’t have the same experience. The Normal Person* kinda bulldoze their way into other people’s lives and subsequently get dumped a lot. They don’t ask for permission or hesitate in their expectation that they are wanted.
Rather, the Normal Person* let themselves in another person’s life, and frankly, if you push your way into a person’s life, you’ll risk being pushed back out of it, too. They may be flattered by the attention. You catch them on a weak moment and they TRY to bond with anyone who makes themselves that easily available. And thus, once the Savants* snaps to their senses, they dump the by now deeply and securely bonded the Normal Person*, who didn’t see it coming.
the Savants* don’t do that. They take things cautiously. They INSIST on getting permission to approach. Consent, consent, consent. They respect the people they interact with – sometimes a little too much to be honest. Where a Savants* wants to show respect and boundaries, the Normal Person* wants to close their eyes and jump without looking… Feeling either overconfident to bother looking or too terrified to actually look where they’re going.
the Savants*’s disinterest is reassuring to the Normal Person*
the Savants* don’t get burned. They’re too cautious in relationships, even from a young age, to get truly burned. They see it coming, and don’t allow themselves to trust something that won’t last. The Normal Person* trust their ability to “make it last”, as in, to FORCE things into lasting… But they can’t.
When a Savants* shows disinterest toward the Normal Person*, in normal situations, the Normal Person* feels reassured: “She/he is even MORE afraid of this than I am.” However, they are interpreting the Savants*’ aloofness for fear, when it’s truly just… disinterest or indifference. This is what gets the Normal Person* into trouble. They feel they are in the lead, they’re showing the Savants* the ropes, they’re a man or woman of the world… Mature, in the know.
In the meanwhile, the Savants* battles their own issues. They don’t know if it is childish to believe in love at first sight, or whether they should just go with that eager guy/girl. And more often than not, in their indecision and fear of being childishly romantic, they go along with the over-confident the Normal Person*’s advances. The Savants* figures they can always end this relationship if it doesn’t turn into something more exciting, and the Normal Person*, who is CERTAIN they have the upper hand in this relationship will get blind-sighted by being brutally dumped.
Brutally, because they didn’t see it coming… Brutally, because to the Savants*, this relationship was nothing special and they didn’t think the Normal Person* saw it any differently, either.
the Normal Person* need to learn to watch their steps, and the Savants* must learn to relax a little
When the Normal Person* and the Savants* are bonded in a True Emotion Mirror love, they both need to learn a few new tricks in love. The Savants* really need to lose up a little and remind themselves that relationships are fun. Love is FUN. It’s not always about watching one’s back and avoiding making mistakes. It’s OK to hurt a little. A small burn can be exciting.
the Normal Person* must learn to not get burned to the CORE when they play. They also need to learn to understand that FRANKLY, not everyone loves them!! the Normal Person*’s self-confidence is often based on nothing but foolish trust in some kind of a notion of love being a thing you give to a person, rather than a feeling another person creates in you. They feel a bit smug about the ability to love, when they should realize that the love YOU feel isn’t your own doing. It’s thanks to the person you feel it for. THEY made that feeling happen.
the Normal Person* need to learn that True Emotion Mirror love is THEIRS without playing, without games, push, without competition over it like it was a trophy. It is actually love at first sight, and USUALLY, the Normal Person* feel they have to fight for it, run for it, play for it. Make sure nobody else gets there first. To the Normal Person*, love is a game. To a Savants*, the most serious thing in the world. An the Savants* won’t play with another person’s feelings but ironically winds up burning the Normal Person* left, right, and center as if there were nobody as callous as the uber-romantic the Savants*. In contrast, tyrants try to play with other people’s feelings but usually simply wind up getting themselves scorched.
the Normal Person* fear nothing more than an open invitation
the Normal Person* feel somewhat terror over everything that looks too good to be true. The Savants* are apprehensive about those things but are far less cynical than the Normal Person* are… And again, they process this a little differently.
the Savants* look at their True Emotion Mirror and think: He/she is too good for you. They seem interested but you’re probably imagining it.
the Normal Person* look at their True Emotion Mirror and think: You seem too interested in me. You’re too hot to be that interested in me. I know you’re setting me a trap. You want something from me… Money? Status? You think I’m rich, don’t you? Somebody has lied about me and told you I sleep with everybody/my cock is huge. What’s your angle? What are you playing at you…
the Normal Person*, in order to try and find out what the Savants*’s game is, try and irritate them. They pick a fight. Try and what happens if they reject the Savants*. Push a few buttons. And the Savants*, in their caution will decide to back off. “I don’t know what YOUR fucking problem is but I’ll figure that out from a safe distance…”
And the Normal Person* figures out what their game was: “OOoooooo you thought I was EEEEASY! You thought you could play me for a fool! Nah! I’m NOT A FOOL!”
the Normal Person* are fools.
the Normal Person* “KNOW” nothing worth having has to be taken
Curiously, the Normal Person* are aware that nothing worth having is freely given, but they think of it as if they were thieves rather than hard workers. The Normal Person* also feel that love worth having is unconditional in terms of virtues required to receive it. They are wrong on both accounts, but it is good for a Savants* to know this is how they think. They believe they should be able to be a complete a-hole and still get love, you know… Children can have a full-blown tantrum, hit their mom in the face, and still be loved and coddled through it. That’s what they associate as love worth having.
So the more the Normal Person* loves you, the more they act like a big baby having a tantrum of the year so that they’ll get that unconditional love they’ve used to get from mom (and dad).
As far as love goes, they feel DISGUSTED at the idea they’d have to behave well to be loved. They fear that the love they receive is because of their good performance in other areas in life – the only love the Savants* feel is worth having, really. The Savants* feel DISGUSTED by the idea that love between adults would still be given no questions asked, nulling the need for any efforts of personal improvement.
the Savants* don’t use money to say “I love you”
The difference here is that the Savants* don’t connect gifts with the feeling of love. They DO give gifts, yes, but they don’t fall in love through gifts and physical safety like the Normal Person* do. Therefore, the Savants* don’t work so that they’d be wealthy enough to take care of someone, they work so that they wouldn’t be a burden to anyone.
the Normal Person* are good at nothing as much as making a Savants* feel like a burden. This is because they want their loved ones to know that they don’t HAVE TO perform in order to be loved, and they HATE IT when their loved ones are trying hard to be a good person (on all accounts). They want their loved ones to feel free to lay on their backs and spit on the roof for their entire lives if they want to. The Savants* figure that’s their effort and intelligence gone unappreciated. Pearls to a swine, in other words.
Unconditional love the Normal Person* style is poison to the Savants*’s pride
You must be careful not to insult the Savants*’ pride of who they are as a person if you’re the Normal Person* in love with them.
the Savants* tend to HATE unconditional love as much as the Normal Person* love it. The Normal Person* feel that effort is for other people so you (a male) can provide for your loved ones, but among True Emotion Mirrors, you get to be weak and broken. The Savants* feel that love like that from a True Emotion Mirror MUST BE earned. The Savants* feel loved only when their talent and intelligence and great personality is appreciated. The Normal Person* feel loved when they feel loved even when they’re being lazy, no-good assholes.
Curiously, the Savants* do feel the same way ONCE they trust their efforts with self-improvement haven’t gone unappreciated. Once they do trust they are loved for the right reasons, they do forgive their True Emotion Mirrors for anything. ANYTHING. The Savants* tend to start feeling like they are deteriorating as a result of being loved by a True Emotion Mirror – the Savants*+the Savants* connections, namely.
A Normal Person* usually makes them just try harder still, as the Normal Person* is ALWAYS ready to point out how much THEY are willing to do for their loved ones; and this requires making it obvious that “I suffer to do this for you”. Not to say the Normal Person* wouldn’t say “you’re useless” to their loved ones to point out that regardless of their uselessness, they’re loved, like a family pet. They don’t HAVE TO be afraid that they’ll be thrown out despite their failures, is the message conveyed.
the Savants* feel everybody deserves to NOT DIE out of neglect
the Savants* agree that their loved ones, NOBODY, in fact, need to be successful people in order to be taken care of. This is where the Normal Person* and the Savants* attitudes differ again. The Savants* believe EVERYONE deserves a comfortable, safe living, but the Normal Person* feel only their favorite people do. They also show love to people they are NOT IN LOVE WITH because they DO believe people deserve to be taken care of, even if they are not perfect people.
Therefore, they fall in love with those who have done a lot for others. They adore and admire those with POTENTIAL to do a lot for others. Everyone. The whole world. They hate selfishness and corruption. They are very generous people, but their generosity is not limited to their True Emotion Mirrors and Precious Soulmates. This is why they tend to make karmic bonds with the Normal Person* who they are not at all impressed by.
As the Savants* tend to feel the most giving and generous toward people who can do nothing for themselves, their charity is laced with contempt rather than true love. Therefore, to receive love in the form of “undeserved”, they feel that as an act of contempt rather than an act of love.
the Savants* should show their ugly side
the Normal Person* tend to lower their own stakes a bit by revealing their ugly side to a suitor that they think might be intimidated by their perfection. (Narcissistic pricks. 😉 ) the Savants*, on the other hand, try their hardest to be worthy of their True Emotion Mirror. They try to be GOOD ENOUGH for them. So we have this situation, where the Normal Person* half acts like a complete ass and the Savants* is trying to be diplomatic, trying to dig something beautiful out of their True Emotion Mirror: “Why in the heavens name do I even give you the time of my day?! You are a complete fucking ASS!” But if this is truly True Emotion Mirror, they will figure it out… Unless they find someone better before the Normal Person* stops being an ass, frankly.
And the Normal Person* gets burned again.
How to stop the Normal Person*’s ass-hat behavior
Sorry about my language, but you know…
An the Savants* can stop the Normal Person*’s silly behavior by simply losing their temper. “Stop being a fucking ass!” is a good step. “What the fuck is your fucking problem?!” “Stop acting like an idiot, you’re not hot enough to have that much room to move with me.”
But what must be noted, the Savants* MUST be very much on the nerve of the situation, they are usually very intuitive, so this shouldn’t be a problem. I am hoping to support people’s instincts with my texts, so your brain will get on board with your instinct. When that feeling arises, and it will, just say it out loud, no fear.
the Normal Person* must know that there’s only so much a Savants* takes
The reason why the Savants* are pretty cautious in their own behavior is that THEY have a limit to how much BS they will tolerate from another person. When it is a True Emotion Mirror, they’ll take a crap ton of BS from them, compared to lesser soulmates, some of whom walk in a very short and brittle leash. An the Savants* is to be treated as someone who has a relatively low tolerance for funny business, and is in NO WAY attracted to “difficult to handle”.
the Savants* are quite civilized people, by the way. They don’t have much of a stomach for constant bad behavior. They ABSOLUTELY HATE fighting. The Normal Person* tend to pick a fight a lot. They don’t even know someone is interested if they don’t pick a fight. The Savants* avoid fighting PARTICULARLY with people they love and care for. To the Normal Person*, this is dismissive and cold.
the Savants* must know that with the Normal Person*, they get to be annoying and abrasive without losing points
the Savants* must know that the Normal Person* appreciate unruly behavior. They like “hard to handle” and challenges in relationships. To them, games and little back-stabs are just fun and exciting. The Savants* must stop being so cautious in everything. They should know it’s safe to be a little… Unpredictable and weird. Emotional and inconsistent with the Normal Person*. A Normal Person* won’t be put off by illogical behavior, they kinda love it.
What the Normal Person* want to know is that you’ll stay there for the crap. So if a Savants* wants to impress the Normal Person*, they have to put up with a lot of the Normal Person* bullshit to get there. At least enough of it…
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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