When your family and friends jeopardise your reputation.

When your family and friends insist “they love you” and simultaneously go around bad-mouthing you or “keeping your reputation untarnished” in ways that they believe are to your benefit and refuse to believe you’ve cut ties with them, what to do? Suppose you were born into some semi-mafia family, where you’re not exactly breaking laws but skating on the very thin border of it, completely serving nobody but your kin. Maybe your family is overtly religious, and you just don’t believe what they believe. Perhaps you hold a political opinion that opposes that of yours, or you’re simply fed up being made into a little domestic goddess when you truly don’t know nor care what baking soda is for. Your family’s values are very different to those of yours, and you just want out so much you hate your name as a result because what it stands for tarnishes you or makes you into a hypocrite or a liar.

Maybe you made unsavory friends in your teens.

Suppose your unsavory former friends you made in your teens insist you’re still a part of their gang, and at the age of 30, in fact, since you were 19, you’ve tried to break off the ties you made at a time you went through a bit of a rough patch and momentarily lost your judgment. Your former circles are constantly brought back up because they still act like you’re only taking a week’s holiday, and you’ll be back any moment now, even though it’s been over ten years since you last spoke to them.

Let’s suppose further that your family or friends are keeping tabs on you and do not waste an opportunity to talk to your new friends and acquaintances about “what you’re really like” per their wishes of who you are. They attempt to force you back to the fold, and you find yourself making overtly bold statements on your social media to combat the damage to your reputation in the eyes of those who matter to you.

Your success tempted them back.

Perhaps it was your success that tempted them back into your life after staying away for a decade. All of a sudden, friends you haven’t seen or heard from in years declare on social media and news that they “know you very well”; they’re practically your best friends! You’d be hard-pressed to remember their names, but they insist you are so close they are truly excited to see what gifts you have in store for them now that you’ve found wealth.

The news crews follow them around asking them, “what is Your Name REALLY LIKE?!” and you know they haven’t got the FOGGIEST IDEA what you’re really like because they were keen. You were not, and you always sat in the corner saying nothing “like a psychopath” and that your boisterous stand-up comedy -personality or your resolute self-assertive delivery as a politician seems utterly fake to them.

How to fight them?

Don’t hide the fact you knew them.

Remember that their perspective may be that “you’re one of the people, nothing special” is a trust statement, as in “she/he is a good person, one of the people,” a recommendation, not criticism. What they mean is to say the nice thing, as opposed to “yeah she/he always thought they were better than anybody else.”

If they seem truly mean or brag about stuff that isn’t true or is so horribly misconstrued as to what you are and what you believe in, tell your side of the story but dress it up as a bit of a joke that they are pulling. They genuinely may not remember who you are but pretend to for the cameras. Some may make jokes about “that guy who used to go to your school but you have no memory of” without actually saying that.

They probably meant it to be funny.

Try not to appear too upset whatever it was that they said in public. The more outrageous the comment, the more likely it is that they made fun OF THEMSELVES. Such as “Yeah Johnny Depp and I, we were SUPER CLOSE.” The joke is “as if someone as cool as Johnny Depp would have ever spoken to me, that’s funny.” Johnny might think the joke is reversed: “As if I’d ever spoken to that loser.” To someone else, you may be a Johnny Depp.

Therefore, think it twice before you lash out at people who say stuff about you in the media. Even if they say horrible things IF there’s a way to take it as a form of humor or razzing, do that by default.

Diffuse with humor.

Even when they ARE being mean, minimize it by making it into a joke. You can refuse to not take people seriously for the rest of your life of course like Amber Heard is planning to do, so there’s a point where being classy about it meets being psychopathic about it. There is a point where you have to start taking criticism to heart, but there’s also a lot you can diffuse with humor.

Maybe your “failures” made them feel sorry for you.

In the opposite scenario, your old circles may have treated you like a would-be hero, but your success keeps alluding you, and they are ready to call you back home. They have “kept your reputation untarnished” by promoting some suburban dream husband/wife material, and you need to, on top of working on whatever you’re working on, dodge their attempts to prove to you they love you despite your failed attempts at success.

They believe you’re trying to build a career for yourself to impress them or to take care of them, and they feel like you’re working too hard (for your ability level) and want you to move back home where they love you.

Should you go back? Heck no. The only way you are CERTAIN TO LOSE is when you quit trying. Or, go back, get a free board and lodging and keep working, depending on how bad your family relationships have become.

Remember, your Keen family will want you there, even if you’re not paying rent. It’s the Selectives who go down that “pay your rent or you’re out” route. There’s that to be said in favor of a Keen family.

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