Where does self-confidence come from?

Self-confidence comes from feeling that you know and like who you are. You like who you are, and you know nobody in this world has the power to change who you are against your will. You like being you and know you are secure in your right to be who you are.

Self-confidence does not come from being confident that you are pleasing other people. You will always find yourself not being to other people’s liking – not all of them, not all the time, but there is always someone that doesn’t like something about you. If you then try to change yourself so that that random person would give you approval, that makes you submissive and subject to other people’s acceptance and opinion, their whims, change of company, and change of circumstance. If you base your self-image on what is accepted by others, you will always be at the mercy of others’ views, whims, and opinions of you.

We all like being liked, but it’s important to choose who you want to be liked by.

We all like to be liked, there’s no question about that, but everyone who has tried to please everybody they ever met realizes that’s a fool’s errand. Nobody is liked by everybody, definitely not to the highest possible degree. This is something everyone will have to come to terms with sooner or later. You cannot please everybody; therefore, you’ll have to choose to please the most important person in your life: You. That will also please a good number of other people, but they cannot be your guiding star at this point. If you can’t please yourself, you don’t even know who will have what it takes to please you, either.

Even if you choose just one person to please, you’ll find it difficult or impossible to do. Either they like you while you hate yourself, or they don’t like some aspect of you while rejecting other aspects, and try as you might, you can’t find unity with that person – if that’s where you start. You must first please yourself and THEN find people who like you the way you are, never in reversed order! You’ll NEVER find self-confidence trying to find out what one person or a group of people like and approve of and then try to become it – that’s fake, and nobody likes fake. First, you’ll have to become who you are, find love for yourself, despite others, despite LGBTQ+ community and their views, and THEN start looking for compatible groups (possibly white monogamous heterosexual CIS-people, heaven forbid!) and individuals to join your life.

Truth is the key

When you base your idea of self on The Truth, on who you authentically are – and that is who you enjoy being – you are safe and secure even in company that tries their hardest to change who you are to their own liking. Self-confidence comes from YOUR acceptance and admiration of your own self, not from the acceptance and admiration of others, even though that will come as a natural perk to having a stable idea of who you are.

When you know who you are, and remain that person despite company, people find it easy to TRUST YOU, and to know that you won’t change every time the wind changes direction. They know that if they like you, too, they can trust you’ll be that same person tomorrow, the day after, and year after year.

When you base your self-image on who you are instead of your life circumstances, relationship status, or other external changes, you can rely on yourself as much as other people can.

This is what the Free Spirit Theory tries to give you; an ability to fully know yourself, where your happy place is, and who you should share it with… And how to achieve all those things.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message