Which is it going to be? The emotional conflict with an Undecided Mirror.

Undecided (previously Potential) Mirrors – this is something that I haven’t really made clear enough before – are the people who test your “check list”. If you have ever put together one of those lists of requirements of your ideal partner, and even if you haven’t, you know what this is about. These are the people who are going to test your true values and who you are. A True Mirror is someone with whom you see eye to eye in EVERYTHING that counts in your books. A Undecided Mirror is someone with whom you are still making up your mind in whether or not that particular quality matters or not. Until it becomes conscious decision that it matters or doesn’t matter, the question will keep nagging you because you won’t know whether you truly want them or not.

Essentially the Undecided Mirror is someone who you haven’t yet decided whether it is a True or Partial. There are unresolved questions in there, for both of you. So in all honesty, I have described it wrong, because I’ve said it’s someone who is in the development stage towards True Mirror, but this isn’t necessarily so; this is the part where CHOICE comes in. This person HAS GOT everything it takes to be your True Mirror, but you may find that you have a value you can’t find agreement on.

I’ll again describe my own Evaluation Phase with several of my Undecided (previously Potential) Mirrors: There is one characteristic that I haven’t declared my opinion on yet, and that is pride. This same quality came popping back up in men that I loved, I loved everything in them but they lacked ambition to achieve something to be proud of. ANYTHING. To be the best there is at something that they choose to do. I don’t care if they would choose to knit socks, as long as it makes them walk proud for that ability. 😀 (Now I’m picturing one of my True Mirrors wearing thick wool socks everywhere he goes being so proud of them he could burst… 😀 And no, that conflicts with another high value; knowing what to wear in a situation without me having to point it out. I am not his mother, but I would consider him a very good friend – a partial Mirror, should he take the proud sock-knitting and wearing route. :p If he only knitted them and knew when and where it was appropriate to wear them, I’d be again all over him. Wearing woollen socks in an inappropriate situation once or twice as a joke, yes, I’d find it hilarious and enthralling, but if he was oblivious to the fact his socks are not quite the thing for a night at the opera… That would bug the hell out of me. See – subtle things can make or break it.)

When you acknowledge a high value in yourself, and you see your Undecided (previously Potential) Mirror doesn’t share that value, you have to figure out how to agree about that value. (Psychic Conversation would work great in this, because it’s a little easier on the ego.) They may choose not to step up to the plate or you may choose not to step up to theirs. One popular high value that people feel a lot of conflict about is beauty. The question is; can you love someone who isn’t beautiful? You know everything else is there, but they are not very beautiful. Society tries to force this issue saying that it can’t be a value, but it is, and we have to face the fact that it is just another character trait. A person who puts a high value on how they look is different from a person who doesn’t, and it is everyone’s choice which way they go. (Even our body type reflects that choice; guilt felt about beauty and wanting to achieve is is very common.) Now here is the emotional conflict: If you are the one who needs to do something to their looks: Are you going to put your ego aside and get working out for your Undecided (previously Potential) Mirror and agree that you want to be physically beautiful to them or are your values the opposite? You have the right to want to be loved for your looks as they are. If you are the half that thinks their looks leave something to be desired for, you have to consider whether or  not you’d be truly happy with someone who didn’t meet your beauty standards, and if a person of that character would value you as a partner? It’s easy to demand great looks of someone else but would you put in the same hours to be perfect yourself if they wanted you to? And where are the limits?

Everything about an Undecided (previously Potential) Mirror that bugs you is something you need to answer to: Is it enough? Spirituality is one value that is sometimes artificially placed onto True Emotion Mirror women. There is NO REQUIREMENT for spirituality that comes from outside, YOU don’t have to give a toss about any of this, but if it is a true value to you, then your True Mirror must at least love you for it and support you in it, even if they themselves decided to mind the physical only. This could easily work; for someone who is very spiritual, having someone to look out for their physical needs is nothing but a perfect match. You don’t have to be the SAME, you simply have to agree on the perfect combination. You have to mutually AGREE that you being spiritual and me being profoundly physical is the perfect combination, but someone else might decide that no, my partner needs to focus on spirituality like I do, or that your partner needs to be more down to earth and NOT be into all that imaginary stuff or which ever way you view it. In that case, you have to accept that need in yourself and agree that fine, we have a major value conflict here and we thusly realise that we are only Partial Mirrors.

You’ll also have to decide whether the values you uphold are really YOUR values or could they be values placed upon you by someone else, such as your parent. For example, I have a mother who values education to a high degree. It is her first question when I tell her I’ve met someone new, even friend-wise, “what do they do” or “where do they go to school?” I never ask when I meet a new person about their schooling or work – it’ll come up if it’s important to them. Most of the time I have to tell her I haven’t got the foggiest. Even so, when I met a Potential Mirror of mine, who wasn’t educated in the sense that my mother considers “education”, I felt shame about even loving him. However, the bigger part of it was that pride thing I mentioned before, he didn’t have anything he was particularly proud of (apart from being great at street fights, which, granted, was quite attractive to me. 😉 ) Now, still the question is with him, whether or not he wants to find pride in himself, as I know this is a conflict of values in him: To be find a way to be happy where he’s at or to thrive for something greater, something to be proud of. I suppose it’s what you are proud of, too, because you can be proud to be a loser, but to me that seems like denial and a waste of potential. I’m sure my mother sees formal education the same way – but I value independence of thought and freedom far above formal education, and that, again is a value question.

As soon as you decide that your values conflict permanently in some area, and you acknowledge this is just a Partial Mirror but a True Mirror is what you want, one will probably waltz out in no time. If you have decided on polygamyORpolygynandry¹ – they may waltz in bulk. 😀

1. Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩

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