Why are people (men) afraid of love?

Love is the most wonderful feeling, right? Why would anyone shy away from it if it was on offer? It seems nonsensical, still, there is a very good reason for avoiding love, and I’ll tell you what it is.

When people love, and they feel they have a RIGHT to love someone, usually by the function of being born into the same family or, now, figuring out someone is their True Emotion Mirror, they get a sense of entitlement to this person’s life. The same happens when people marry, and some people get this feeling of entitlement to someone else’s life even through friendship. What this sense of entitlement gives a person – predominately women – is a belief that they can start mothering the people they love, stopping them from doing stuff that they’d like to do (because mother always knows best) and controlling the object of their affections because, well, they love him (them). When a person decides that their love for another person gives them right to choose what is best for this person, we run into a very, very, very bad situation. When someone is in love like this, “what is best for you” gets blurred with “what I want”. You may want them to stay at home forever. You may want them to love you forever. But what if that feeling isn’t returned? What if they would rather be loved by someone else? What if your sons and daughters have fallen in love with someone else (hopefully that happens as it is normal) and they would want to fully devote their lives to this person? What if you are mistaken about the concept of True Emotion Mirrors? What if you have the wrong guy? What if your love for them is the one thing that stops them from fully being who they are and living their lives to the fullest? Wouldn’t you feel awful? (If you don’t, I wonder if this is love at all.)

The emotion that doesn’t get nearly as much press coverage as love is respect. Respect should be the constant companion of love, and they should never be sold separately. Respect is the emotion of trusting someone with their own life and their own life choices, even the choice of spouse or life companion, mind you. Even if you would be their first choice, you have to let them make that choice for themselves – and to men; even if the woman you’re in love with, would be about to make the dumbest choice ever and choose to love you, you have to respect her stupidity enough to let her choose you – obviously if she also respects you. That is another topic entirely, but men tend to choose for the woman that she should love someone else, and women tend to choose for the man that he should love her. :p Could you both just take a step back, please and let each other choose freely?

No man, no matter HOW MUCH they would love you, will ever feel safe in loving you if you have made that decision for him. This True Emotion Mirror business is driving so many people mad with power and ownership that we really have to remember that you cannot own a person. Ever. You can only GIVE YOURSELF to another person, but even if they would, the only thing you can do is to give them a permission to give themselves to you and to be yours, but you can never truly own a person.

When we feel we OWN someone, they become an extension of our being. Again something True Emotion Mirror theory supports, that I have a big problem with. When someone thinks you are their extension, your flaws become their flaws, and your virtues become THEIR virtues. You are reduced into a source of shame or pride, depending on which you most evoke, and being either doesn’t feel good when it is about someone else. It is a type of objectification, when the person becomes something the other person has managed to acquire. When their devotion for you becomes your ego boost, we are not in a healthy relationship. That is when nagging happens. “Why can’t you, you should, you must, do this, do that…” because you are no longer talking to another person, you are talking to yourself, a part of yourself that you can’t control. The same way we talk about ourselves when we lose control over our weight for example. “Why can’t you just go to the gym… why do you have to be so lazy and fat…” That tone should not be used on yourself, let alone a person you claim to love. And this is what anyone senses a mile off… Someone wants to love you but not respect you. Someone wants to OWN you so they can make you their own ego extension.

Don’t be that woman, and your True Emotion Mirror will run a lot slower…

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