Why coaching the Survivalist* is not very effective

I have referred to the Survivalist* as “potato sack clients”. The feeling you get is the CONSTANT need to keep lifting them back up, and as soon as you let them try for themselves, they’ll just slump back onto the floor helpless and needy. They are the client that takes 90% of your time and pays you 1%. They seem to be looking for a new parent or a big sister or brother, rather than a coach in the sense that the Idealists* understand the term. Personally, I suggest you drop those clients if you have any, but even dropping them as clients is laborious.

Here’s the logic

1. They believe everyone does what they do in order to belong and in order to be NEEDED by someone and invited into their family community.
2. They believe everyone wants to be MORE NORMAL in order to fit in.
3. They think work is only a social construct, and their idea of business is thus… Party first, work if you have the time. (the Idealists* love a good party, too, but the order is opposite if they care for their work.)
4. They act stupid in order to show you that you are needed, or alternatively to make you explain again why you think they should change to fit in better.
5. They wish to “pay you” in love rather than dollars because they feel you need love more than money
6. If you seem to reject them even though they like you, they are likely to refer you to another the Survivalist* that NEEDS YOU, that you may feel more warmly toward.
7. If you offer to help someone, particularly if you offer some form of free help, they see it as a request for friendship, not clients.
8. They believe everyone wants to be taken care of without money, so they’re trying to tell you that if you were their friend/chosen family, you’d be much needed in their community and thus being taken care of, and you wouldn’t have to run your business anymore.
9. By being as needy as possible, they want to let you know they are open to be your personal friend – not above you in any way.
10. If you’ve ever expressed uncertainty, called yourself “weird” or “unusual”, they interpret this as a plea for THEIR guidance to you, even if they’re paying you money.
11. If you’ve ever pointed out that you can’t coach them because they’re “normal” and you’re more “unusual”, they would draw the conclusion you see them being more suited for life coaching.
12. They may try to signal that they don’t trust your advice by dropping the ball constantly, as in you need to be more assertive with them or that you should swap places.
13. If they are in any way more successful than you are, they believe you offering life coaching services to them is a way to save face as you approach them for approach and advice on how to be them. (Imagine that sausage king who everyone would want to be.)
14. They think you’re latching onto their money out of fear of not getting real work.
15. If there’s a gender difference, more than likely they think your coaching offer is flirtation if they can’t see how you could possibly make them more normal.
16. As you express admiration toward your the Survivalist* client, they further interpret that as your wish to swap places, when you’re simply trying to tell them that they’re not all bad…

How to drop the Survivalist* client

Although dropping them cold is an option, it may be a little too rough for them to handle.

1. Remember the Survivalist* have a completely over-the-top blown-up ego and sense of self-importance and status in the eyes of everybody else. They think to be NORMAL is to be GOD, and everyone wants to be them or to be with them. (Although the Idealists* may sometimes feel that way they have at least a LOGICAL understanding that may not be the case.)
2. As they think that they are doing YOU a favor by being your client, you have to give the impression you no longer need them. You’ve got MORE important people and clients to see now… But be CAREFUL not to give the impression THEY gave you those clients because then you’ve got another problem in your hands. (Seriously consider dropping any people they may have referred to you, too. Keep full-blown the Idealists* clients only in this situation. The Survivalist* may have the Idealists* friends, acquaintances in particular.)
3. Reschedule the troublesome client’s appointments a few times over with a very shallow/hasty apology. (You’re always a little too busy for them.) (You can also cut them off short if you are on call with them, and explain you’re unfortunately too busy at the moment. Give them discounts automatically for this, but not so generously that they’d think this is a personal gift to them and that you’re using your business as an excuse to making friends with them and removing the money aspect from the equation. Give them the impression they’re no longer an important client to you, NOT the impression you’ve grown so fond of them that you don’t want to keep a WORKING relationship with them anymore.)
4. DON’T BE TOUGH ON THEM!!! The tougher you are, the more they think you care. The Idealists* tend to resort to being tough and grilling unwanted people further, which makes the Survivalist* feel they are IMPORTANT and will only try harder to please you, not leave you. Relax all your expectations on them, don’t see they’ve done their homework, be as chill as you would be with your hardest-working the Idealists* -client, but don’t praise them. Make it uninspiring to meet your expectations. (Subliminal: “I don’t care how well you do anymore. You’re unimportant to me, personally.”)
5. If they don’t drop you during this process, find them a new coach. Even if you have to suggest a complete stranger’s website at random, pretend that you’ve come to the conclusion that this person would suit them better than you, and then refuse to take them back “for their own good”. (They do need a bit of prep work, at least reschedule their appointments a few time before trying to offload them to someone else. Don’t say so, but imagine you are reshuffling them because you got better clients and they’re stuffing your schedule but pretend as if you don’t want to let them in on the fact they’re no longer important to you. Treat that as if it was your secret, so subconsciously, you’ll act in a way they can understand you, as they’ll never accept the kind of reality that you are a good coach but can’t help them anymore.)

I’ve been trying to be tough on the Survivalist* my whole life. I am SWAMPED with them. They are like flies to shit with me, so I’m not good at relaxing around them myself. My posts written for them are TOUGH, and that’s why they both love them and ignore them, as they don’t think they’re serious, but that I’m simply looking for friends, trying to demonstrate how tough I can be. (Yeah it takes time to wrap one’s mind around their way of thinking.)

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