Why do men avoid the women they are in love with?

The tendency of avoiding the woman that a guy loves is not typical for naturally polygynous men, who, more likely, have trouble keeping away from the women he loves, rather than having a fear of getting close to her. There are some good reasons for the opposite happening with the majority of men.

Women who are much more attractive than average

When a guy falls in love with a woman he regards to be much more attractive in the stereotypical way than the average woman, he tends to slam on the breaks for several reasons. The real one is his fear of several things; She might use her looks to manipulate and use him, and if he gives her too much power, he will be in her leash in no time, and he’s really not looking forward to that fate. Secondly, he fears she is swamped by attention, so he will be facing a battle for her love, and he’s cutting his heart ache short by deciding to quit the game before things get too serious with her – the end result, he feels, is very likely to end up in tears anyway. If she seems interested, he will easily take that as a sign of poor judgement on her part, or a sign of being loose and fickle, an idea that he has learned from his past lives; girls who love men more than other women want to look attractive to men, not women, therefore their looks are geared perfectly to please the average guy; nothing over the top, sexy without being slutty carried out with finesse and class. Women who genuinely love other women more than men, tend to underestimate a man’s capacity for good judgement and tends to dress too slutty to actually be attractive to the majority of men, or do herself up far too doll-like to appeal to men, she will lose her personality in too much makeup, and also she will signal to the man her deeper contempt of the male gender; her idea that he will be only attracted to her physicality rather than her personality.

When a guy truly loves and respects a woman, his authentic reaction to ensure her happiness over that of his own, and that can lead to him giving up on her before she is driven into a corner about it; he tends to choose for her and “let a better man have her” rather than ask her what she actually wants. I personally wish men would stop this brand of chivalry and just be a little more selfish about it, but I won’t say more about it now. 🙂 This reaction is a reaction to the man-made idea of monogamy versus a most guy’s natural instinct of polyandry; sharing one woman with his absolute best friends and brothers. The  natural way of doing this is to ensure the supreme woman is being protected by the best of men, who, depending on their sexual fetishes act either as her submissives or her dominants, or both, depending on the time of day. This, however doesn’t happen, so this loving band of men has to choose which one of them is going to take the role of the husband, and then, who else will remain brokenhearted for the rest of his life. Is it any wonder men like this would rather lose themselves into work, religion, or war, anything to keep their minds off the fact the girl they love is loved by too many other men, too?

His ego-reactions (explanations that he uses to justify throwing in the towel before actually trying to woo her over) include the feeling of “I am not the kind of a guy who would be suckered in by all of that sexiness! I know her and her kind!” To an idea of polygamyORpolygynandry¹ will easily throw him into a fit of anger, and I quote: “I will not be one of your rat pack of men!” He will see the form of commitment as her dominance and arrogance over her men; she collects men as if they were toys, when, in reality, her love for the entire male gender, and then, for specific, superior men is too strong for her to ever really say no to a guy, and she is completely without resistance towards some men, who she adores for everything that they are. A man can also react from his ego and his love for her combined: “I am not the kind of a guy who would disrespect the woman I love by all the nasty things I want to do to her..!” So he backs off out of respect of her, and, what is worse, may act out his fantasies with a woman he cares and respects less, just because he can. The trouble is, this will likely reinforce his belief that women don’t like his perversions because he is with the wrong woman; the one he loves is the one who would love all that, but he has trouble trusting that. (Instincts are awesome, and react to the girl’s special blend of hidden crazy…!)

Because men are trained to think of women from the naturally gynephilist perspective (from women who actually love other women more than men) they are conditioned to think that women will be trying to barter with her love, and to use that in order to enslave the man into her use. This is women’s reaction to the fact that they are half forced into unnatural partnerships with men; they truly want to bond with other women, but society expects them to submit to sexual relationships with men, and as a reaction, they will try to gain something out of it, wealth and protection being the two most popular things to trade in return for sexual favors. Also, gaining status in the eyes of other women is superbly popular trade offs; to show her friends what her man would do for her charms elevates her in the eyes of the women that she truly wants to impress; the same exact reaction that men do when they parade a hot girl in front of their friends implying what she does for him in bed…

Women who are significantly less attractive than the average

While a lot of the above also applies here, when a guy goes crazy over a woman who is not exactly a beauty queen, a guy faces a whole different set of problems. Firstly, his ego will fight the trap; “I CANNOT go all nuts over a woman who I consider ugly, I HAVE TO find someone else, no matter what, and I simply have to find someone equally hot with a better body!” The reality is, that a part of his attraction is completely physical, he can be completely drawn towards “the ugly” in her, and to find it a fantastic quirk or even a sexual humiliation that he HAS TO admit to his own inability to resist a girl like that, when he feels HE HAS TO find a pretty girlfriend to impress his mates with… Little does he know his mates would probably love her, too, but, deep down, they maybe just slightly relieved they are not in the same situation with him, and fully understanding what he is going through, their friends might be brutally tease him for the fact he has fallen in love “with a dog”, while… In fact, they would not hesitate to swap places with him if given the chance. There is something very relaxing about women like that, sexually speaking.

Read about the Young Soul*/the Elder Souls* differences when it only seems that the guy is rejecting her for this reason, but isn’t.

How to get over the fear of the woman you love?

Men go into battles with less fear than what they face with the woman that they truly want. Therefore, I will advice him to find the same courage that he would dig up for a war: “I know it is dangerous. I know I can get hurt. I will simply have to go through with it and keep my eyes open and keep my wits about it!” You should simply relax into the knowledge that you can foresee the risks, and that you are putting yourself into a slight danger, but she must be worth the risk, otherwise you wouldn’t feel this scared.

Men should know that THEY ARE NOT bad at relationships, they are simply bad at the wrong relationships, just as women are. The wrong woman can make a man miserable in a relationship, and if that is not a testament for “being bad at relationships” neither is the fact a man can make the wrong woman miserable in a relationship. If a guy can maintain his friendships and work relationships without too much trouble, he is NOT bad at relationships any more than women are. Sure there are men who are terrible at all relationships, but there is also women who are equally terrifying at them, so being bad at relationships is not a gender issue, it is simply an inability or habitual decision to not pay attention. This time, pay attention so you, yourself won’t get hurt nor shoot yourself in the foot simply because you’re walking around with a loaded gun with the safety off because you’re expecting a battle all the time! Be smart about it and you will be fine, and your girl will love you for it!

Not all women are alike.

Nor are men, but let’s focus on the women. Some girls seem too good to be true simply because they are that good. Don’t doubt that. Some girls are freaking awesome and it is not an act, and to the girls that you see as being awesome, you are awesome, too, because androphilist women that most men are attracted to CAN say no if they need to. They can say it so efficiently you won’t even need to second guess it, because she is used to getting it from all ends, and she can be picky, so if you haven’t been clearly rejected, you haven’t been. Now. Read this post series to figure out why polyandrous women SEEM TO HAVE rejected you when they simply like you too much to either fight you or to start telling you through which hoops you have to jump in order to have her… This is not a rejection, this is her loving you!

Do not avoid your happiness by walking away “just in case” you might not get it right… Just be smart about it and you’ll be fine… And trust that she will let you down gently if you approach her gently and with a level of respect. (Some men are absolute idiots about how they approach a woman, don’t be an idiot and you’ll be fine. I actually have to drop this to a very personal level. I used to have a blog… In fact I still do, just not used the same way… in which I would write about my experiences as a single woman, and at some stage, I started publishing the email I received from men, simply because normal, nice guys would not understand the kind of email women get online! These were genuine emails that simply FLOORED the normal guys with quite a relief: “I had no idea men can be that stupid. Now I feel better about women getting a bit frustrated with us!” And yet, a lot of the email I received was a genuine reaction to how the men felt about the polygynous/gynophilist world we live in, in which the female is the holy, sacred being that all men must worship, and somehow they saw it fit to take their anger on me – perhaps instinctively knowing I was on their side, I don’t know, perhaps instinctively trying to wake me up to the male perspective, and now, thinking back, knowing that even though I was pretty glued in compared to other women, I was still SOOO FAR in the dark that it was ridiculous – simply due to this thing I am no writing about; gender stereotypes and expectation of monogamy for all! What I am saying is that we should get the natural polygamistORpolygynandrists of all sorts out of the game so the monogamists won’t have to deal with us anymore… And I am more than willing to take an exit from the monoland myself asap. But, I digress.)

Polyandrist woman feels easily guilty for rejecting a guy, even when she’s with someone

This is an interesting psychological kink that you might want to point your attention to. A polyandrist woman feels that her authentic place is to love more than one man at a time, and to give herself fully to all of her men equally. The expectation of monogamy puts her into an awkward position. To prove to a man that she is not a whore or easy, she will have to act directly against her own nature and reject a guy, and the more she wants him, the more likely, especially when young and receptacle to bad advice, she is to reject the man just to play her cards right. She will need to know you find her inability to reject men sexy rather than a turn off… And take it from there.

Emotional needs in polyandrous relationship

I will just throw in a small mention on this side of things because you will probably tweak to this quickly if you are this way aligned: Imagine getting up in the morning for a long day, knowing that you don’t have to worry about your girl getting bored without you. This works the best if all of you work irregular schedules, and one day it will be you who is snuggling to the girl while your brothers are hard at work, and another day it’ll be your brother… Or, granted, it maybe your girl who disappears to work… I feel polyandry is the best thing for people who are very dedicated to what they do and need people who understand this dedication to their work over the relationship – and to whom, the ideal relationship is with people who you also work with or are in similar line of work… For instance musicians, artists and philosophers who feel the muse strike them at odd hours and odd times knowing that when the muse strikes, the chances are that your girlfriend won’t see you for a week, and, given enough husbands, she won’t miss you too much, and when she sees you again..!!

As I am bent this way, I’ll just say that I love nothing more than the idea of watching my guys do their thing while I am busy writing, knowing they are happy doing what they do, creating wonderful things for the world… And I love men mocking about, even if I wouldn’t join them at all times, I find nothing as entertaining than to watch men be men… And women… They bore me to tears sometimes, and when I have to make a choice between listening to a group of men talking over listening to a group of women talking, the choice is absolutely the easiest thing in the world to make, I get  never tired of men talking, even if I had no idea of what they were talking about, just the tone of their voice when they talk about things gives me the good chills, even when I wasn’t really attracted to them, I still like to listen to men talk and be guys. Like this:

What do you think?

1. Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩

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