Why do natural polygynandrists adjust well in monogamous society?
There are three main categories of polyamorous people. There are a ton of different ways to subcategorize and add to each, but the main types are Polygynous, polygynandrous, and Polyandrous (plus gay variants that are somewhat confusing to us straight people, as many gay men resemble polygynous men, and a lot of gay women seem polyandrous without actually being that). Apologies to the non-binaries, but I must try to keep this simplish.
Okay, so the main straight + bisexual categories are polygyny, one man to several “wives,” polyandry, one woman to several “husbands,” and polygynandry, several husbands and several wives in one relationship.
Monogamy
The naturally polygynandrous people, would, in their natural way of being, form groups of both genders which share sexual partners if not all are sexually involved with each other. Both genders of this type feel equally natural about forming close bonds to both genders. They all feel equally understanding about each other’s need to “explore” a little. As they all are EQUALLY keen to look around, they do not get nearly as offended about their partners swaying as others.
They will also find it somewhat natural to split their group of friends into pairs of two, and live the monogamous lifestyle even though it doesn’t really feel natural. They may either decide that everyone is interested in other people, and not act on those desires, or they simply understandingly look away when that happens. This is not at all to say that naturally polygynandrous people would not be able to remain faithful, just that they feel it’s only natural to feel tempted at times.
See-Saw Swinging
They will also take to polyamory and swinging quite easily. As both partners feel equally tempted to go explore, they find it very easy not to feel jealous, particularly if there’s enough “feed” for both partners.
This is not at all true for the polyandrists and the polygynists, who have issues with both monogamy AND polyamory.
Natural Issues
Polyandry
Polyandrous women are territorial. Although they feel the need to form several love connections to several men at the same time, they feel it would be unfair of them to demand loyalty from their men. The polyandrous men, however, feel that they have trouble respecting women because they are naturally aligned to “think like men” and most women being polygynous they find it hard to relate to polygynous (most) women. And to be fair, the polygynous women feel equally hard done by to try and respect men and their views and feelings.
Male attention
At the same time, the polyandrous women are always a target to male attention, they are, kind of natural dream girls of a lot of men (to the eternal dismay of the polygynous women to whom they look entirely too plain and even unkempt to make any sense as a sexual object for men. Notice that most porn is created for the polygynist male in mind, not the polyandrist, even though the polyandrist male is more common than the polygynist, the “porn star look” is pleasing a polygynists, not polyandrists, but the irony is that it is the polyandrists that actually love to share women and the idea of other men masturbating to the same girl. (I love my work.))
So, as the polyandrous women gather all this attention without even trying, her boyfriends are always a little bit uneasy about the other men around her. Not only that, this one girl is one of the few girls they actually respect, and they feel they are NOT GOOD ENOUGH for her, so they let the other men into her life and to have her, as a favor to her. The polyandrist women wind up staying single for a long long time because their natural partners (True Emotion Mirrors ) are collecting courage to be the one and only to a woman who should marry several men.
Marrying down
The polyandrous woman attempts to solve her problem by “marrying down”, and “settling”. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. The polyandrous man will equally “marry down”, but he finds it relatively easy as he has far less temptations than the polyandrous woman does. To him, women are a mild distraction, and they can stay relatively happy for as long as they’ve got a lot of male friends, but the main threat is that ONE of them will truly fall in love, and as they are polyandrists, they usually fall for the same girl; they think alike.
This is where I’ll sway off topic a little, I’m just way into this and can’t shut up so please feel free to jump to the next main subheading: The Polygynist
Femininity, masculinity, and being “a bit gay”
Mind you, the polyandrist man is often a little feminine (rock bands) or (uber masculine; the army, security services, etc.), while the polyandrist woman is a little masculine or uber feminine. The men are more likely to use makeup and show some homosexual tendencies, simply because they authentically love men more, and in their previous lifetimes they may have decided to simply stick with men (swear off women) and some of that may have caused some of them to become pseudo (polyandrist) women. In this light it is no surprise the polyandrist woman looks for fashion tips from men rather than other women. (If Steven Tyler can’t wear it, nor can a polyandrist woman!)
The polyandrist brand of super gay is always focussed on MEN. The polygynist brand of gay men (which also exists) holds the attention of women, and how women look. (Cross-dressing, ‘camping it up’. However, ‘flamboyance’ maybe a polyandrist thing, if the focus is on men: “By the light of day I’m not, much of a man, but by night I’ll make one hell of a lover…”.)
Polyandrist man in a polygynous mode
The polyandrist male is not very interested in connecting with a whole lot of women in the emotional sense. He will gladly sleep around and use women as trophies to impress his male friends with, but he won’t really care about all of these girls.
These kind of men are polyandrous and are looking for THE RIGHT ONE that he wants to share with his friends.
Porn
Another quirk is that a polyandrist woman is easily turned on by gay porn, the same way as the stereotypical man is turned on by lesbian porn… But lesbian porn to a polyandrist man is something that leaves him feeling a bit “whatever”. Both polyandrist men and women do like a good gangbang flick, as long as she’s not too much in the makeup and fake nails -category.
The polyandrists, men and women, would do themselves a massive favor by brutally ditching monogamy for good.
The Polygynist
The polygynists function very much the same way as the polyandrists but in reverse. The men are territorial and do not want to share their women, but they may feel it is THEIR RIGHT AS A MAN, to chase skirts. They may feel that they are “just the average guy” which gives them the justification to go after other women, and they tend to be cheaters of the worst kind. They will also easily cheat on their wife or a girlfriend with her best friend, because, it’s likely that their girlfriend has equally attractive girlfriends because they all think alike. (Please, before all of you polyamorists choke on your breakfast, I am talking about NATURAL alignments, before finding the true, perfect relationship that would exist in a polyamorous setting without the need to cheat.)
But one is plenty!
As I said, the polygynist men have the same issue with polyamory as the polyandrist women do. They don’t want to share. The polygynist woman has a problem with trying to get excited about other men, as they are just as disinterested in men as polyandrist men are of women. They’ve got one, and they feel one is plenty, and pushing them to polyamory to them feels like too much energy spent on something that won’t really enhance their lives in any way. They may do it, just to keep their husband happy (the same as a polyandrist man would do for their wife) but… begrudgingly. They figure it’s not a problem if they’re not too jealous (and they’re not) as long as their partner can do what they like. However, the partner may feel too guilty continuing because their spouse or girlfriend is not really into it. The solution to this is for him to tell her she doesn’t HAVE TO sleep around, but that he should be allowed to continue doing that, and maybe to bring home girls rather than keep his wife or girlfriend out of the loop.
Swinging
Luckily to the polygynists, they tend to be the more common variant in polyamory and swinging. This is partly to do with the fact that single men are often seen as a distraction by polygynous people, and thus, their participation in sex parties and kinky parties are often limited. This means that both the polyandrous men and women are a bit unwelcome at swinger parties, and they are also profoundly unwilling to take part. The polyandrous women know that they are sort of expected to play with other women (no thanks) and the polyandrous men know they are not welcome to act their authentic sexuality and that the women there are more than reluctant to let them near, a feeling they are more than familiar with in everyday life.
Although FMM swingers exist, MFF swinging is more common, particularly in the party scene. The loud majority of polygynists also do not understand a polyandrist woman’s willingness to “get attacked by a bunch of horny men” if they suggest something a little more polyandry-friendly. 😀
You can recognize a naturally polygynous woman by her love of femininity
A polygynous woman dresses for other women rather than for men. She would find it insulting to think she should dress for men. (A polyandrist woman knowingly dresses to impress a bloke and feels no qualms about it.) A polygynist woman dresses softer and the most “open” polygynists, even those oblivious to the leaning, use far more makeup, perfume, and feminine accessories than the polyandrist woman. The polygynandrists who usually fit well into the monogamist AND swinger scene, tend to dress a bit less gender-oriented. They prefer anything unisex and understated.
Physical attributes
Because both polyandrous and polygynous people are sexually competitive (polygynous men need to “be better” than all other men to keep their “harem” interested, polygynous women feel the need to “beat” the other girls in the eyes of the one man, and the same is true for the polyandrists in reversed roles) this tends to lead to the need to remain fit and healthy. Because the polygynandrous people are not competing in gender roles, they also tend to chill a lot more in terms of their requirements for looks and “sex appeal”, and even find “good looks” off-putting rather than erotic. (Trying too hard, ‘just flesh’, ‘unnatural’.)
Both polyandrous and polygynous relationships fail with the attempt of balancing scales
Both of these types of people have the same problem. If you make and effort and try and balance the scales, the relationship will fail, because there’s, without a fail, a wrong person in the group. For polyandrists and polygynous men and women, you can have one woman or a man to a huge number of men or women, but add one other woman or a man, and they will lose interest. They will most likely leave the relationship one by one because it stops being interesting to them all. At this stage, many will decide to go back to monogamy.
The dynamic will fail for them. The men are excited about “fighting” over one girl or the women are excited about fighting over one man, but if there’s two, let alone more, they no longer feel “a win” is there. They will also not like the gender “energy” balance changing. They do not enjoy the minority gender energy, they simply don’t.
If the group is large, the best thing to happen to it, if another woman/man is added, is that it splits into two rather than stay as one relationship. Everyone would be happier for it.
The moral of this story is… Don’t force it. Remember that we all have a natural alignment one way or the other, and even though it’s sometimes difficult to say which branch you belong in, you do find it by the people who you fall in love with. The people you respect, admire, and love without trying.
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**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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