Why “unbreakability” cannot be a value you measure the relationship by
Some people value one thing over all others when they consider how “high” or “valuable” a relationship is; the durability of it. This means, that they value people staying together “no matter what”, “against all odds” including and not limited to the situation when each and every one of them are hurting each other terribly, but they still stay together or stop the other from leaving to prove their relationship will “last anything”. This creates a landscape for horrible abuse within a relationship.
When the people who understand love say “we stick together no matter what” it means against AN OUTSIDE force. No matter who tries to break them up, they’ll stick together. No matter what calamity confronts them, they’ll stick together through it, and they want to protect each other against all harm. They would NEVER turn against each other, and their only motivation to stay together is to ensure the happiness and well-being of their loved one.
IF, for any reason, the relationship doesn’t serve the happiness of the other, the relationship breaks. If one person is unhappy, and the cause for it is something unchangeable in the relationship dynamic, the relationship must break for the good of the individual. The individual, in this relationship, is always more important than the relationship itself. The love is towards the individuals in it, not toward the relationship itself.
The ideal that all relationships and marriages and families are worth rescuing and supporting ABSOLUTELY MUST STOP. There also must be a point where a person’s need of being allowed an exit from their family is enforced by a law if the family doesn’t get it. (Unfortunately, this doesn’t break the spiritual bond, but it would help to drive the message home.)
Why do people value unbreakability
There are people who value the unbreakability of a relationship due to a fear of abandonment. They fear NOTHING as much as being left alone. Their rationale is, that even if the person who they’re with beats them black and blue every morning, at least they’re not alone. It is difficult for a person without this fear to understand what could possibly be scarier than to know that the person you’re tied to is the person hurting you, as they are more afraid of abusive people than staying safe alone.
The fear of abandonment stems from the sense of unworthiness. They feel nobody would voluntarily care for them. So they fool themselves a lot. They test a relationship by being awful, while not really giving the other person an opportunity to leave them. As the other is “not leaving” they make themselves believe the relationship is “everlasting”.
They may also “train” the person into a belief that there’s no way out, and this, to them, is supposed to send a reassuring message “we’ll/I’ll always be here for you”. To the victim, this is far from reassuring, but a threat of continued abuse.
They may allow the person to leave physically, but emotionally they hold onto the idea of that person returning “any day now”. So even though the relationship is completely and permanently on the rocks, this person thinks it will continue because “it’s unbreakable”. The Twin Flame concept directly feeds this illusion.
This, of course, poses a problem for the True Emotion Mirrors who are separated but believe the separation is temporary. What’s the difference?
Spiritual background
Now, we have to take spirituality and the Law of the Truest Wish into account here for a moment. As there is a spiritual component to ANY relationship, the people in this category may strongly feel that BECAUSE they are spiritually aware of you, that proves they’re “a Twin Flame ” or a soulmate or a True Emotion Mirror. Obviously, this couldn’t be further from the truth. We all have a SPIRITUAL connection to ANYONE we care about, no matter how minor that link is. Otherwise, we would barely even notice their existence. So the spiritual connection, in itself, is nothing to go by.
We need to study the fact we are emotionally connected to everyone who holds a strong opinion about us and what we should do with our lives. Otherwise, this makes little sense. The opinion based connection is completely void of all true love or appreciation, it’s subject to anyone’s whim. Your stalker from the grammar school can still be completely attached to you from afar even though you haven’t met them in decades. That’s an unlikely event but unfortunate fact.
This connection is based on “who saw you first” and “who ‘wants you’ the most”, not on true love. (Ironically, the person who wants/needs you the most is not necessarily the person who loves you the most but the one most desperate for an easy gig.)
Worthlessness
What this all comes down to is a sense of worthlessness.
When your “unbreakables” believe that they are too worthless as individuals to go out there and look for people who would genuinely love them, they see their loved ones equally worthless. This goes beyond all logic. They value worth only by the years we’ve spent together, so by their logic, a child who has been tied to them for 18 years by legal force, is, of course, worth a damn only to them, their mother or father, and everyone else, by their logic, is only trying to abuse them or abduct them. Steal them from their mamma.
In some cases, these people genuinely believe, that a person only needs to fall in love with someone IF their family has abandoned them. Why else would you leave the first people you’ve met?
These people do not see the actual value of a human being, but only measure the years they’ve known them. By this logic, if you met them in a random order at the start of your life, they believe their worth to you is automatically higher than your True Emotion Mirror, who you met at an adult age.
This relationship ideal is based on the idea that people are worthless, they are worthless, and that all relationships are simply utilitarian.
They believe all attempts to break the relationship and all signs of aggression are testing the relationship: How much worth do you put on me? Ironically, they then try to prove this person is worthy by not leaving them no matter how bad things get. The only worth of a person that they see, is their ability to stick with the relationship. Unfortunately, they see any attempts to break away as a test, and they cling on tighter, but they don’t see any calm or indifferent behavior as a sign that this person is not happy in this relationship, as they just are.
The only insecurity they have is who is testing who and how. If a person leaves them, they wonder if their love is being tested, or if they close the contact lines, are they trying to teach the other what happens to them (the worst faith of all, being cut out) if they don’t obey? So they always hold a spiritual chord to the people they want to keep in a loop, no matter how much you try to detach yourself in the physical, there’s always a thread connecting them in spirit, and this thread is not an easy one to break. It’s possible, but by no means it’s easy.
Serious Mental Illness Follows
I am not qualified to say the following, but I’m going to say it anyway as an expert in another field, spirituality.
Catatonia
I have a sneaking suspicion that catatonic patients are locked in a family that thinks like this, and they’ve reached the point that they can no longer see any way out of the relationship so they turn catatonic. Probably as a result of several lifetimes of being treated like this. It is possible they suicided in the previous life to get away, only to find themselves being reborn into the same family to a younger family member. What could turn a person more depressed than that?
This patient would turn off their mind because they no longer can handle being locked into a relationship place in which they don’t want to be. The treatment is to lock them in a healthcare facility, which is hardly a step up. A better option would be to take them to a calm, safe location where they can be alone and leave them there, with a freedom to explore without observation. They turn catatonic in order to stop people’s interest in them. The feeling of “nobody cares anymore” is what they are after because once nobody cares, they will be free to do whatever they want and to explore and be themselves.
Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder)
Manic Depression (I’m sorry but I hate the new term) follows when a creative person’s family is watching over and letting go in sequences. The mania occurs when “nobody is watching”. The depression happens when the family tunes in again because they see artistic pursuits as weird, or non-desirable. So they tune in again to stop this person from being obnoxious.
Once they think the person is “acting OK again”, as in shows no interest in artistic pursuits, they let them be, springing them into action again. The mania is when they are healthy and themselves – albeit trying to make up for lost time being pressured into depression.
Schizophrenia
An attempt to break free can also lead to schizophrenia. (Or psychic powers opening, which is often diagnosed as a form of schizophrenia.) If treated as an opportunity, it can actually lead to real, permanent solution.
Catatonic schizophrenia is also a very fertile state for a solution if there’s a skilled doctor or coach around who can reach them and understands the problem for what it is.
Depression
Depression happens as the person goes into a deep contemplation of his or her situation and how to get out of it. This is THE LAST TIME when you want to subject them to the love and care of their fucking family. Nothing could be more harmful than that at this stage. Once a person is depressed, give them ANY, ALL, and EVERY opportunity to reach for their dream, and tell the family to stay the fuck away.
Suicide
Another reaction to a non-breakable relationship is obviously suicide. When the person feels strongly that they can not find happiness in this circumstance, it is natural they’d resort to suicide.
This is to say that when a person is feeling suicidal, the worst thing, in MANY MANY cases, is to force them to be surrounded by their “friends and family who love them” who are, in fact, the source of their despair, not the relief of it. This person doesn’t feel worthless, they feel worthy of more than what they are getting.
Rebellion
At the least severe cases, a person wanting to break away from a family like this is simple rebellion. They may over-do certain things they know their family disapproves of and does them so that they cannot be ignored no longer. Self-harm, by the way, does not belong in this category, as that gives the family a reason to step in again. A threat of suicide might come up, as the person tries to stress the importance of being allowed to go, but this is probably a bad strategy to bring up.
It would be great if you find a way to be happy without your family…
The only real way to break the bond is to find happiness outside the family. However, there may be real reasons why this is near impossible to do, and that is the family’s attempt to prove to themselves that you are, in fact, worthless to everyone else but them, so they will actively function as a source of negative manifestation power, suffocating all opportunities from rising. This sounds paranoid, I know, but take my word for it they can. However, there is also a supporting energy from the victim themselves, they may want to be suffocated because their work is still underway, because IF this situation produces quality work, it benefits the person to be locked into a state of non-success while they develop their work of genius.
The irony is that all of these mental illnesses are treated “with the help of the family”
The love of the family is the WORST treatment for these illnesses. It’s like prescribing further rapes from the rapist to get over a rape. (I say, as an idea, the latter has more a chance of actually working, too.) Nobody has ever noticed that these conditions don’t improve even if the family is around. I don’t know if there’s statistical support to suggest that if the family is not there, the patient improves faster, but I’d bet my sweet breaches there is.
True Emotion Mirror bond and it’s unbreakability
It is to be noted, that the True Emotion Mirrors RARELY test the bond internally. They may test it in ways like “if I run, will you follow” or other tests, but once the relationship is on-going, they tend to treat it even with TOO MUCH care at times. The True Emotion Mirror bond is unbreakable like water, you can separate them gently, even, but once they’re back together, you can’t tell where one water started and the other one ended.
This is not to say that they don’t turn a bit rough on each other as they go forth, but it is to say that it is ABSOLUTELY MUTUAL. It’s ALWAYS mutual and it’s based on an incredible level of appreciation and love for each other’s qualities, admiration, and praise of each other, and the love aspect is never far even if there’s “abuse” in the relationship.
Don’t ASSUME!!
The troubles start when one person believes, firmly, that this relationship is a True Emotion Mirror relationship, while the other doesn’t think that at all. There MUST BE some form of confirmation that the feelings are mutual otherwise, it turns so easily into abuse.
NEVER assume that there’s love automatically just because you’ve been married, you’ve dated, you’re family or because someone was kind to you once. The True Emotion Mirror and Core Spirit Mirror bonds are SO RARE, that they should never be taken for granted that they exist where you want them to exist.
And yet, there becomes a point when you both agree that okay, NOW, this is when you get to do anything to me, and there are no limits for you. But there MUST be a confirmation that this is the case, and mind you, that a friendship, a family relationship, (even mother-daughter or father-son), or A WEDDING is FAR from a confirmation enough.
How to ensure the True Emotion Mirror relationship doesn’t slip into blatant abuse?
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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