Why we treat hope as if it was poison?

Culturally, we fear disappointment and embarrassment more than anything else in life, including pain, suffering, death, punishment, or even loss of freedom. Being hopeful about a better future is seen childish and stupid, and we would feel completely embarrassed if we would find ourselves being hopeful and even trusting that a better future will come along, whatever it is that we feel lacking. What it is, is usually on this list; more love, a higher form of love, more money, more fame, a more rewarding job, more recognition, more appreciation, and finally, more and better sex… What we tend to settle for is the love of our children and companionship as far as our relationships go, because there is one thing that we simply cannot trust; Other people being willing to give us these things – or even accept the fact that all of these things depend on what other people think of us and feel for us.

As everything we want depends on other people’s opinion on who we are, we are, clearly, at their mercy, and one of the things you are not supposed to be if you want people to think you are a rational human being, and a grown up (someone worthy of respect) you are not supposed to be “hopeful”. Not really. You are allowed a low level of hope, but if you TRULY trust something good to come your way… A moron. So, to ensure you are being viewed in the optimal light by other people, you must feel at least apprehensive about your future prospects.

There is only one thing in this world that is truly out of your reach, and that is the absolute mind-control over other people. There is a reason why this is, and that is because what we truly want is others’ genuine love and appreciation, let alone desire for us, but a lot of people feel nobody would feel that way given the choice, so they always wish to control other people’s minds, their actions, and thought processes, and they can do this by manipulation, scare tactics, guilting, and other such methods, but you can only control the actions that people take, their true emotions are out of your control; they are out of their own control, too. However, as nobody truly wants to control everything in their environment, because if they did, they would lack the one thing that everyone loves: A positive surprise. Amazement; something better than you ever expected.

The side product of losing hope, however, is talking yourself out of trying. That makes a self-fulfilling prophecy, a vicious cycle; You will never get anything you want if your first instinct is to walk away from it and not even try. And that is exactly what we tell our children to do, that is what we’ve been taught to do; To remind ourselves to not have unrealistic expectations that will only “set you up for a disappointment”.

However, the people who get what they want go full on at it. When they get turned down, they try again. They try one more time than what they are being told “no”. That is a fact. After that one time, you turn into a winner.

Many of us settle for near victories, though. I have coined a term; A NOD-syndrome. We have an epidemic of a NOD-syndrome; the habit of always going for the Next One Down. Nodding behaviors make us choose the less attractive girl or the not quite as handsome friend, and sometimes these choices are made for you, by your friends and relatives; “I would try that one instead… To be realistic.”

We even talk ourselves out of trusting someone who is giving us hope of a better future, like you are right now sitting there giving me labels because you want to talk yourself out of trusting someone who is trying to give you hope, aren’t you? Well:

A little hope is worse than no hope at all…

Here is another paradox… If you feel no hope or have no expectations about something you try or want, you won’t put huge barriers in front of you that will block you away from what you want. I am one of those people who felt feeling hopeful was an absolute sin… I wanted everything, I WANT everything, but I could not allow myself to hope for anything because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful with what I already had or unaccepting of my fate or what not.. Nor did I want to seem gullible, stupid, let alone childish in my hopes of more. So… I have nothing. I made one wish SO MASSIVE, though, that I never even in the back of  my mind hoped to receive it, and it is THAT WISH that I actually am receiving in ways that I cannot even describe. What I wished was a complete understanding of the human psyche and existence. I thought that was such a feat, such a stupid grandiose thing to want, that I just humbly accepted it as my personal flaw that that’s what I want, accepted that I would never get fulfilment to that wish and I let go of it without any struggles, any difficulty at all… And a couple of years later I started feeling like there was no stopping it from happening. This blog is a result of this happening, this and many other things.

If only I could let go of my wish that one day I will be loved, or find complete trust in it – one or the other. 😀 So… Repeat after me, and I will do the same: I accept it as my personal flaw that I am not without hope, but that I keep hoping for things that are unlikely to happen, and that might cause me disappointment in the future, I might seem gullible, but… That is who I am; someone who is hopeful that they will, eventually, get what they want… Love, adoration, acceptance… And amazing sex.

Don’t you just find it amazing how wishing for sex has even another level of “oh no you can’t wish for such a thing” because wishing for it makes us feel shallow and as if we wanted something low instead of a height of love… But let me tell you… Great sex doesn’t happen until everything else is in place… Therefore, wishing for an amazing sex life is the smartest thing you can do, because it will require you to fulfil every other fantasy of yours, because until you are fulfilled, you won’t be fulfilled sexually.

OK… Again; I accept it as my personal flaw that I want amazing sex and keep wishing that one day I will find someone who will blow my mind…

Done. We have a fertile ground to work on. 🙂

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