Why you should listen to advice that sounds so delicious you’re afraid of it

Advice is always given in order to guide others to a happier existence based on one’s own experience and beliefs. The trouble is, what makes you happy may be completely different to what makes me happy. Therefore, my advice is automatically good for only those who think like me. Because we all think that what we want is the obvious thing to want, we find it odd that someone would tell us to do the opposite to become happy. Because it feels odd, we feel they must know something we don’t. We feel the ones who advise something different have already tried what we want and found it to not to bring them happiness. What they may leave out of the story, is the “obvious”; they never wanted it in the first place but felt pressured to go there…

[sociallocker]

Should I explain that again?

All people give advice in good intent. We all think we inherently want the same thing, for instance, person A thinks that the idea of sharing a girlfriend with his best friend is such a delicious fantasy EVERY guy would do that if they could. Person B thinks having two girlfriends for one guy is the obvious thing that everyone would do if only they could. Person C thinks the obvious answer is monogamy, being loved by one woman only and sharing a few children with her.

Mr. C wants marriage

When these three men have a conversation, they all feel pressured to choose the other guy’s way of life. Even C, the monogamist. He feels, as a young man, that other men are pressuring him to stop romanticising marriage and to have fun while he still can. They tell him to do it because that’s what they wish they could be doing. So he has meaningless sex with women he doesn’t love. Later with maturity, he realizes that what he always wanted was to be married to one good woman and have a bunch of children with her. He wishes he would have done this earlier, so he goes around preaching his message: Marriage is the key to happiness, forget this frivolous foolishness! He thinks all men are secretly thinking the same but pressured into thinking loose women are the thing to go after.

Mr. D wants girls girls girls

A guy who never wanted anything but to sleep with a ton of women now feels pressured to marry one. Logically he understands his lifestyle doesn’t fit the norm, so he tries to follow Mr. C’s advice, marries a woman, has two or three children with her. The longer the marriage, the more miserable he feels. He blames himself for being a bad guy, when, in fact, NOBODY is good in the wrong relationship and in the wrong life.

The other motivation to give bad advice…

It is also possible that the person giving advice is the Normal Person*. They do not intend to guide you to a path that will bring you happiness, pleasure, or joy, but on a path that “you ought to take”. For the Normal Person*, the norm is holy. What you SHOULD look like, act like, think like, behave like, and so forth. Their fixed personality is underdeveloped. This is why they do not have a NEED to live in a certain, self-defined way, and thus, cannot understand people who do. All they want to be told is what they are expected to do, and that is what they are telling you.

If your need to live in a certain, self-defined way is strong, you are free to ignore this advice safely. This may not always be easy however, considering how insisting the Normal Person* can get about the validity of their worldview. 😉

Signs of someone having made the wrong choice

Having something we TRULY want, we feel like we’re cheating the system and getting away with something. However, consider this: If a parent, for instance, feels that a childfree person is getting away with something by not having children, do you think they should be a parent? Now, they often want to pressure you to make the same decision: “If I had to do this, YOU have to do it too!!” However, that was THEIR choice. THEY chose to follow the norm without questioning it.

Whatever people feel they have been FORCED to do, they feel the need to force others to do, too. Whatever people have felt they had the pleasurable privilege to do, they feel the need to guide others to that source of happiness, too. People want others to do as they’ve done. They do so either to justify their own bad choices or to liberate others from making bad decisions of their own. Unfortunately, no matter how good their decision was, it maybe the worst for you.

Signs of great choices made

People who are happy with their life choices feel lucky. They feel happy and content, and very reluctant to change the way they live. No matter how much pressure you put on them, they won’t change their minds. Especially if they are “the odd one out”, they know what they want and why they want it. People who are pressured by a community to think a certain way are a little different. Never underestimate the power of the cult organization we call “normal life”. Do not underestimate how brainwashed you are in beliefs you think are your own. (My job is to unwash your brain, and do my best not to rewash it with my own hogwash… :p This is why I avoid to give you “clear rules” or “straight answers”, which are tools for brainwashing.)

Happy people do feel they have gotten away with something, and that they are living a privileged existence. However, many times these are simply matters of choice. The same choices are available to anyone willing to take it and to live with the social scorn that may arise from those choices.

Signs of a choice YOU should make

We are hard-wired to follow the advice that seems counterintuitive. We feel it’s sound advice because why else would anyone choose something unpleasant if it wasn’t the right call in the long run, right? We never consider that other people actually want the unpleasantness we fear. This makes making the right choices is scary. When you start feeling so excited about an idea, that you start looking around asking: “So what’s the catch?!” You are starting to be on the right path to your true happiness.

I kid you not, one sign of the right choice is sexual arousal, even if we are talking about a job. Anything that makes you feel sexier than before leads toward your true goal. (Would you believe getting her website set up the right way can get a girl hot? 😉 ) You feel sexier around the right people, in the right job, in the right clothes, and particularly, in the right relationships.

To understand how your prospective partners feel

We tend to fear being selfish in a relationship. When I first thought about polyandry, I abandoned the thought thinking there was NO WAY two men would really be happy sharing a girlfriend. I didn’t want to do that to men I loved, particularly as I had no intention of accepting another girl to even the scores. Out of the options of polygamyORpolygynandry¹ and monogamy, I chose monogamy as the lesser evil. I didn’t even think about the possibility of polyandry, polygyny, yes but not polyandry. I had never heard of such a thing. And yet… I realize this was the secret dream of my True Emotion Mirrors*…

When you get between THEIR ears, you’ll understand why you’re not the bad guy after all.

True love doesn’t die over time. Not Possible

I promise you this: True love doesn’t die over time. Neither does true sexual passion. They are both automatic reactions to a standard: A person who exists in the right way to make you feel in love and aroused. No matter how old they get, they simply will have a way to rethink things in a way that works for you oh so well. The only thing that can stop this is the attempt to fit into a norm, that is a standard for everyone and as such, rarely works for anyone out of the box, particularly not at the highest level possible.

There is no need to fear that somehow the attraction dies over time, because “it’s too intense to last”. The fear is based on truth, but NOT what it’s said to be about. There are several reasons why passionate relationships fizzle out, but true love will not.

While you may not have found true love while basing your relationships on sex, you can rest assured that if you DO NOT base your sexual relationships on sex, you are beating a dead horse before you’ve left the stables. [/sociallocker]

1. Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩

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