Why you should NOT follow advice on your love relationships

Rationalising. Over-analysing. We all know we shouldn’t do either, but then, we get into a situation and the first thing we do is to pick up the phone and call our best friend for a good session of rationalising and over-analysing our boyfriend problems. Most of the time, what we really want to do is just talk about the one we love, but it takes the form of asking for advice and support that we really don’t need, it’s just a good excuse to indulge in the hormonal rush that the thoughts of your lover give you. (Don’t get too huffy there, the hormones are there as messengers from your soul…) As we want to be polite though, we run the risk of actually taking that advice we’re asking for although that’s not what we want to do.

He says: “Oh I don’t think I’ll come over tonight.” She: “But why?” He: “Oh the guys are coming over, a poker night.” She: “Oh, okay…” She gets off the phone and calls her friend: “Do you think he’s breaking up with me?” Then, you two go into analysing every detail about the conversation, his tone of voice, the time of day he said it and of course the astrological position of his Sun sign at the time of the conversation. (Almost.) The conclusion you come to: He is cheating on you and you should leave him. What is actually happening: He had a poker night with friends.

Men say what they think. Almost 99.9% of the time. When they don’t they are blatantly lying and that’s when you’ve got an issue, but to jump into a conclusion that he’s lying is taking that .01% chance and applying it to 60% of the situations. It’s BOUND to cause issues in a relationship.

This is the trouble: if you keep looking for hidden meanings in his words, you are not really listening. He clamps up because what’s the point of talking if everything he says is going to be run through a filter anyway and spat back in his face later on. Women need to learn how to listen. WOMEN NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FUCKING LISTEN!!!

We are all different, and each of our soulmate is different. That is the effin’ beauty of this thing!! If we all would react the same way to everything, life would be a) simple b) boring and c) easily figured out and d) you could choose any person on this planet and form a functioning relationship with them, but that’s simply not how it works. We are different and we find our soulmates to be the exact person who NATURALLY reacts to us in the way that makes us go WHOA!! As we all know that this is true, isn’t it the most illogical thing in the world to take relationship advice from someone else? I realise I am sort of in a difficult position here because I am actually trying to make a living by giving relationship advice, but I will have to say that what I aim to give is some clues to help you find your way through the maze of confusing and conflicting messages.

Here is the mathematics of perfect love: [(Your Authentic Self)-(Societal expectations)] + [(Their Authentic Self) – (Societal expectations)]= (Your Perfect and Authentic Love). Complicated! XD Okay, so Einstein wouldn’t be impressed, but do you see what I mean? You cannot replace any particle of your own being with something that you “should” be or do and expect the sum of that equation equal perfection. The only thing keeping you apart is the assumption that you are not good enough the way you are, you haven’t got a clue who you truly are, or you don’t have the courage to be who you are.

Let me get personal for a second. As many of you know I have more than one True Emotion Mirror, and they’ve all run on me. 🙂 Their reasons are varied but what I have figured out is that if I had done what I instinctively wanted to do with each one of them, things would be very different for me right now. (But there is a good reason why I didn’t too, but that’s another long story entirely.) So. One of my soulmates was a guy who was the typical on-again-off-again type, and even when we were “dating” I was usually trying to chase him up (or rather stop myself from chasing him) and him seemingly running from me. He used to call me at around the time the clubs were closing and we would get together for the night, and the minute he would open his eyes in the morning he would get up, get dressed, have a smoke and then run out the door. This is the most interesting thing: the first night I didn’t really take that seriously, but instead I stopped him from leaving and chained him into my bed. Literally. When I let him go, he asked me to spend the rest of the day with him, and he seemed visibly smitten. Bursting love, really. Now, the next morning he did the same, and I didn’t stop him. I wanted to, but I didn’t because I thought it would be weird if I had to tie him up to stay with me. It wasn’t like me to feel the need to stop someone from leaving, because I am a firm believer in “if you love something let it go”… so I let him go. He came back, over and over, and over and over he left. Frustrated, I once told my friend (analysing!) that what I really wanted to do was to hand cuff him onto a radiator and freaking jail him because that seemed to be the only way to stop him from leaving me. During my discussion with him on the soul level, he told me this was exactly what he wanted… We figured out that when stopped from leaving, ordered to stay he felt loved and wanted, he knew he wasn’t intruding on you, but that he was truly welcome. In his previous incarnations he had been a thief spending most of his days in prison where he felt comfortable. To be ordered to stay he felt safe. A jail cell was his dream home.

This is hardly something I would generally recommend as a means to stopping your soulmate from leaving you, right? This would be the worst generic advice, ever, but exactly what my instincts told me to do what… 15 years or so ago. If you had the courage to follow your instincts, what would you do with your soulmate? Scream at them? Not a bad idea. Sometimes they need a bit of screaming to snap out of it. Slap in the face? Hardly the advice a psychologist would give you, but maybe that’s exactly what they’re expecting you to do. Faking your own death to show them how much they’d miss you? 😀 Ah, that just might backfire. 🙂 Sometimes the exact right thing to do is the worst idea ever, but it always gives you something… If nothing else, it gives you the knowledge that you don’t understand this person and that if your instincts about them led you astray, you might as well decide you don’t know them at all and you’ve got the wrong soulmate.

We all like to give advice based on our own experiences. When something works out for us, we think this is the way it goes! We give our friends the exact formula that worked for us and think that’ll do it. True Emotion Mirrors are said to be a certain type of spiritual bond, so naturally all must work the same, but a short discussion with a few individuals will reveal big differences in the way things work out. There are some similarities, yes, but at the most practical level advice doesn’t work anymore. We know we have to find ourselves, that’s logical, we have to give ourselves fully, we have to love freely and also let go of expectations, but as far as ‘should I call him or not’ -type of practical questions go, each one of us is different and each situation is different. Even the smallest of nuance can throw the balance. Ask for clues from others, but there is nobody you should listen over your own instincts and the soul of your soulmate. Their eyes will tell.

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