Wrong thinking #1: There are winners and losers in romantic relationships.

For as long as you think that love is something you win or lose, you’ll be guaranteed to hurt in relationships. GUARANTEED. You’ll ALWAYS either lose or fear losing. You’ll watch over your shoulder for fitter, more committed competitors, people who are just dying to steal your partner from you. You’ll always be on the knife’s edge. You’ll never relax. You’ll never forgive yourself for losing. You think that YOU are doing something wrong in relationships. That you are flawed. Not good enough. Worthless… Or the opposite.

In reality, in love relationships, there are right ones and wrong ones: compatible people and incompatible people. It’s like finding gloves that fit you (and your needs). You wouldn’t be offended by the fact that a glove doesn’t fit you properly and that it fits someone else’s hand perfectly. You wouldn’t cry about the glove fitting someone else rather than you. You’d just find a pair of gloves that fit you instead. It would be DUMB to try and make your hands bigger or smaller because a glove you’ve tried on doesn’t fit. It would be stupid. And that’s exactly what people do in relationships. They try to fit into relationships that don’t fit them and feel offended when they don’t fit as if relationships were size 0 bikinis.

Next time you “lose” someone, remind yourself: “Relationships are not a size 0 bikini. They’re gloves that come in many sizes and for many purposes.”

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