You Choose What Matters TO YOU in a Relationship

If you are beautiful/handsome, cool, stylish, talented, smart, built for success, philosophical, moral, fun, and entertaining person, if you are somebody who thrives on being a good person who takes others into account, virtually EVERYONE wants to be your partner or your friend. Whether you are male or female, rich or poor (because your inherent value is beyond the monetary), people will say ANYTHING to get into a relationship with you; MOST COMMONLY, what they say is this:

“Those things don’t matter in a relationship.”

Fact check

Have you EVER IN YOUR LIFE heard anyone outside a movie script tell you how they regret having married a good-looking good person when they could have married someone modest looking with modest manners and a mediocre IQ? HAVE YOU EVER IN YOUR LIFE heard a smart person say they are glad they married someone stupid? Have you ever heard anyone say: “I’m glad I gave up my dreams and goals for a person I wasn’t attracted to when I met them?”

Have you seen people do it? ABSOLUTELY you have. All the time. More often than the opposite.

They wind up hanging themselves in a bathroom door by their own belt, while their modest-looking, moderately intelligent, somewhat entertaining spouse and friends wonder why on Earth would they do that, considering they had everything they wanted and they are so loved and admired!

If you have heard of someone you BELIEVE is happy in a relationship with someone less appealing than they themselves are, compare that to the numbers of unhappy, full 10 people who married beneath themselves.

Selfishness and Ego

Selfishness is the act of asking someone else to give up on something they have or could have so that the person asking can have that, equivalent, or better. Selfishness is asking another person to tolerate unhappiness and depression so they themselves can be a little happier. Selfishness is asking another person not to be happy in the long term so they can enjoy the respectable status of a married person.

Selfishness IS NOT expecting to receive YOUR FAIR SHARE. Selfishness is not choosing your partner by the very criteria that matter to you, no matter how shallow it may seem to another. Whether you want the best of all traits, or you simply like someone who agrees to get silicone implants because that turns you on, marry her, for heaven’s sake. Otherwise, you’ll waste a smart woman of depth simply because you have to prove to your critics that you wouldn’t just marry someone for silicone implants! Having said that, selfishness is using another person, even beneath you, to make yourself appear less shallow or selfish.

Even when it’s not your fault, it’s still your fault: Lowering your standards to save face (“I’m not selfish!”) in the eyes of other people, often people you don’t even respect, is NARCISSISTIC. It doesn’t mean you have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (clinically speaking, as the diagnosis needs a lot more than one weak point). Still, it means that this particular act is narcissistic, and you should fix it. You should marry someone you ADORE so that you aren’t using another person for selfish purposes. 😉 (See what I did there? 😉 )

Who benefits from “advice” given to you, you or them?

Learn to distinguish between a sales pitch disguised as advice and solid advice. What is this person selling to you? What is the transaction? Why do they even need to talk you into it if you didn’t go to them for this transaction? Who is being uplifted, who is being talked down? Why?

It is none of their business how difficult you are making it for yourself to find the partner (or the life) you’re looking for? “If you keep these standards, you’ll never find a partner. Why don’t you lower your bar a little?” So? It’s your risk to take, not theirs. Yet, they make it sound as if you were selfish because you don’t want to give up on your dreams for them or someone they’d prefer you prefer. They’d more than likely prefer you preferred someone much more like them, rather than who you prefer.

ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS:

A person who wants to control you and your choices have one thing to fear: You being hopeful for something better than what they have to offer.

I want to give you that hope. That KNOWLEDGE that THERE IS something better, but it does come at the price of your false ego.

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