Black people don’t need to turn white for them to be loved, respected, and accepted by the white. Trans women don’t need to turn into actual women in order to be loved, respected, and accepted. Transmen don’t need to turn into actual men in order to be loved, respected, and accepted. Sameness thinking is toxic. Differences need to be respected, women’s right to be women, without it meaning they cannot be loved, respected, and accepted by the trans community. Men’s right to be men, without it meaning they cannot be loved, respected, and accepted by women and the trans community.

Sameness applies when it comes to your sexual, romantic, and closest friends – but the level of difference you accept in your most intimate relationships is your business. When it comes to your friends, family, colleagues and neighbors, you have to trust that you do not need to be the same as them in order for your friendship to be amazing and rewarding – quite the opposite; sameness is boring, in some sense, also in romantic relationships.

Now. If you want to be ONE with others, you’ll wind up alone the very moment you get your way.

Oneness and sameness thinking lead to ONEness, right? Just one. One person, one group, one unit. And then, your group is alone against everyone else. Once you fight your way into the other group’s heart and acceptance, you’ll find your new unified group to be alone against everyone else, until what? Once all humans are “one”, where does our loneliness direct our attention next? Animals? The aliens? Gods?

You have to learn to love differences, appreciate the ways we are different, and accept and trust that you don’t have to be the same in order to be loved by that group. Trans women don’t need to be able to call themselves women. They will never BE women. That does not mean they cannot be accepted, loved, and respected by women and to be called sisters, even if they are not women.

In order to be accepted by a group, you cannot threaten THEIR identity just to steal it. Otherwise, we need a new word for “women,” and you’ll be separated again.

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