You hate yourself?
Let’s try something.
This is the cheapest therapy session you’ll ever get, so do this, and don’t cheat. This is for your own good.
Find an app or program you can write stuff down on, and get on your laptop if you’re on mobile but can get to a keyboard. Open a Windows Notepad or Text Edit on Apple OS. Try a google doc or something. Find somewhere to write a bunch. A real-life notebook, if you prefer.
Now, here’s your assignment:
Describe (bullet points will do, but whatever format you prefer is fine. Write a poem if you’re into that.) Describe a fictional, imaginary, or generic person you love with as much detail as you can, but use only traits you find to be VITAL. Like, you might admire a person for being a great pianist, but you’d still love a person who is not.
If you love your mom, you can borrow the traits your mom might have, but you can’t limit yourself to her or any other actual person. Describe your ideal person, the epitome of perfection, in generic “must have” terms; perfectly lovable, TO YOU, someone who you’d gladly be best friends with, someone completely adorable.
If you love concert pianists, substitute that trait with a generic one; “talented people,” “artistic,” or “musical,” whatever is the most generic absolute must you feel a person must be or do for your absolute love.
Give it a moment.
Make sure you agree with this. This is how you judge people by.
How do you make the difference between a good person and a bad person, an exciting person and a boring person?
Write down everything you love about people, respect about people, admire about people, everything you adore, approve of, fancy. Stuff you feel weak for; stuff that just makes you go “awwwww!!!”
Stuff that’s sexy about a person. (I finally stopped you from thinking about your mom if you did so far. :D) Sexy people.
Think of traits in other people that make you happy… Feel compassion and sympathy.
Now.
Write some more, please trust me, you need to write this down, or you won’t believe it.
Don’t scroll down until you’re done, you’re happy this piece of writing describes the ideal individual. This isn’t necessarily “whatever pops into your head first”; you can give it a thought. You love what you love.
You need to be certain you agree with this definition of a perfectly lovable, adorable, and admirable person.
Now.
Are you ready?
Here’s the key:
Besides his/her gender, did you not describe yourself, too?
Read it back and see if that’s true.
IN SCARY DETAIL.
If you added something you’re not, isn’t that your authentic goal to become? What you wish to be sometimes says more about you than what you currently are. However, if you think you love a person of another gender and wish to transition – please try this for size: Do you possibly believe that people of your gender cannot possess these traits? But there you are. You have those traits.
You don’t hate yourself; you hate some lie that someone told you about you, and you fear is true. If you fear something nasty said about you to be true about you, it CANNOT be true. You’d never allow it to be. You’d never be or do that because it would fly against all of your values.
Feel safe to explore the depths of your mind – you’ve never done anything you didn’t, deep down, approve of, OK, and agree with. You’re cool with yourself, and that’s cool. I promise.
Whatever you judge in yourself, wouldn’t you forgive someone else without any difficulty at all?
Be nice to yourself. You deserve nice people in your life, and you could be one of them, no?
The magic of this is that the person I’d describe would be different from yours; I’d describe me. 😉
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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