You show yours, I’ll show mine, emotions, that is.

People are often highly hypocritical about their feelings. Some people expect you to lay your entire emotional field flat in front of them, while they haven’t given you an inch. They bully you into revealing how much they mean to you, while never saying a nice word to you. It is the most difficult situation when you authentically don’t love that person, but they think you’re playing a game with them just like they are. When a feeling-hiding person also projects their own feelings from you, you’re kinda screwed. If they feel diminished by your very presence and they believe you feel the same about them… Oh boy. You name it. People who hide a lot of feelings tend to project a lot: they tend to believe everyone’s the same as they are.

I’m not saying it’ll work, because there’s a field of emotions in everybody, and you’ll have to find the one that is hidden the deepest when they are actively trying to block you away from it. Like Amber Turd. She thinks her own kindness and ability to love deeply is a shameful trait she should never let people in on. So she decides to tear the nicest man in the world to shreds because she’s ashamed of her own kindness… Turning her into the opposite of what she feels she is. She probably also hates Johnny Depp for his kindness and thinks he’s pathetic and weak, and her wrath is justified.

There’s a chance you’re blind to an emotion or feeling that another person is trying to make you feel you’re causing. For me, this feeling was the feeling of abandonment and worthlessness others feel when I don’t stay with them. The reason I don’t is that they’ve gone through pains to make me think I am not better than them, (as if I ever thought I was,) and that I don’t matter to them (nearly as much as I think, which would be not at all, because I didn’t think I mattered to them that much anyway). So not only did they go through pains to hide this feeling from me, because that would give me “a big head”, it would “feed my ego”, they also expected me to react to their pain of me leaving them as if they didn’t matter to me. The logic fails on their part, I’m supposed to know I don’t matter to them, but still be empathetic to their pain of me leaving them… To know I cause them pain by leaving would require knowledge that I matter to them, a feeling they NEVER gave me and were working to hide from me.

The thing is… When people react to you in a strong way, their initial reaction is to hide it. Whether it is fear, love, admiration, envy, star-struckness… At first, we all clam up and hide it. The brave ones will soon relax the walls and let the feelings out. Some will let you feel the feelings but verbally deny their existence. They may consider it a game. Some hide their feelings and act like you were insane if you assumed they exist… Like me assuming my mother loves me or would protect me or defend me… Or would help me in some other way but giving me money when I was broke again – just to make me aware how much of a loser I am compared to her and my classmates. I’m airing out my own traumas yet again. 😉 Often, people fear the power another person has on them, and how far they would go in their protection of that person. But if you are not ready for that kind of love, you’re going to lose that love automatically. That’s how life works.

However, the point is, once you feel their feelings for you, the one painful feeling they hide from you, they’ll release you… Or you’ll find that you matter and you go back, or you realize the err of your ways and you’ll painlessly change. They won’t believe your feelings are real until you feel their pain and STILL feel how you feel about them. If you want to be free from all false relationships, you’ll have to learn to feel the feelings of ALL PEOPLE, even those you don’t give two shits about.

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