Your romantic pessimism is the glimmer of hope to the one you don’t want

Let’s just say this… Some people are walking lie detectors. The problem is, a lie detector cannot tell what is the truth or what is the source of the feeling of “I’m lying” or “there’s an error in the statement”. It simply flags “a lie”. Some people listen to you like this. And then further some of them will fill in the blanks themselves. “He says he isn’t looking for anything serious, but he lied. He’s in love with me.” The truth may well be that he is looking for something serious, but not with her. But some women would automatically conclude he has been a sworn bachelor but just changed his mind then… Because of her. Obviously, this might sometimes be true, too.

I personally have this pessimistic feeling, that finding mutual complete love is kind of a pipe dream. Like it happens so rarely, that I have no reason to believe I’d be one of the lucky ones who find it. Just like everything else that I want that tends to be sort of dreaming big. I tend to stop myself from thinking I’m going to be one of the lucky ones because, well, why should I be? I know I’m worthy. Even though I know I’m lovable and talented, I also know so are so many other people who never find what they’re looking for. Therefore, why should I be the one that gets picked? I deserve it, but heck, so do those people still down on their luck or missing that one final piece… Often the most important one: love. And I know I’m not the only one thinking that.

And there’s your answer to why so many people miss out on that. Let me explain.

Your doubt that you can get it feels like you don’t want it (from them) to those who it sounds good to

If you are truly talented, lovable, good-looking, and whatnot Full Ten, people tend to be looking for signs that you love them. Especially people who have no reason to think you did. The thing is, so many Full 10 wind up marrying down, that 6’s have started to feel hopeful that Full 10’s don’t really want other Full 10’s…. “because they’re shallow (even though this one’s good.)” When there’s a sign of pessimism or doubt in you, no matter how small, your Main Trap is going to think it means “you’re telling yourself you want all of those things, but in truth, here I am. You can’t see me because I’m not as flashy as them.”

Tell you how deep this goes. I’ve been saying I want to find/experience “true love”. I hate the expression of “true love” because it’s so… I wouldn’t say naive, but so… so… bleh. It’s a lacking a better expression -choice of words that means what I mean, but sounds a bit icky. Using it makes me feel less desirable to the men I am interested in, so I hate myself for having to use such expressions. Therefore, that icky feeling, to my chaser Trail Companions* sounded like I’m lying to myself and I don’t want the men I’m thinking about when I say that, or that the men are not “my true loves”, and that “deep down” I know it, judging by the “icky” feeling using the expression.

Kill your pessimism

When you have visibly NOTHING to worry about in terms of whether people would love you or not, observers don’t understand why you’d feel hesitant to believe mutual complete love would be available to you. They don’t view things from your perspective. You compare yourself to your equals and their situation, they only see you. They don’t know why you hesitate. They may protect you from “your fate” of being “swallowed up whole by the dream you don’t want to be realized”, as they see nothing but predators around you. Predators, which are sexual lovers and fame machines, if you get my meaning. They’ll protect you from everything you truly want, because your pessimism about your chances of getting there sounds like you don’t truly want it.

If you’re a female, it is more than likely that people who want you, both the ones who truly love you and those who simply want you to themselves, will more than likely believe you don’t actually want a romance with a man. We are brainwashed to think of women as lesbians forced to pretend to be straight for the pleasure of men. Now that lesbianism has come more accepted, everyone suspects you’re a closet lesbian if you feel in any way hesitant about your romantic relationships with men. The more men you love, the more they think you’re “overcompensating”.

Scrutinize yourself

Look into yourself to find negative feelings about the concept of finding true love or whatever else you want to find. Pick it apart. Even if the negative feeling had NOTHING to do with you not wanting it, you need to be aware of where the feeling is coming from, even if you couldn’t shake the pessimism. You never know which expression or thought it’s hiding in… The glimmer of hope or the source of fear people around you are pinging.

This may be a lengthy process, but you want it done. Maybe it’s easier than I think. Do it regardless. For as long as you’re not getting what you want, keep looking for a reason in your thinking. The reason is in the way YOU think, and how others respond to it.

Scrutinize your current social circles

Also, scrutinize any person who might have an opinion about your life. Think of people who’d feel responsible for you, even when you’d think it would be annoying they do. Pay renewed attention to people who you don’t usually notice exist. You’d be HORRIFIED how important you may be to someone you have barely noticed before. Their wishes on you may be a much more powerful influence in your manifestation than what you could ever imagine.

Fuck criticism

Stop making friends you don’t want. Stop dating down no matter what the people you don’t want think of it. People have such a funny way of trying to please people they don’t even like. Nobody wants to be criticized by someone you see as your inferior. You’d do almost anything to convince a person you see as your inferior to be wrong to criticize you. Rise above this need. Let them dislike you. Let them shout to the world they think you’re shallow, callous, and unloving. Full of yourself. Let them think that all they want. They’ll get over their disappointment.

I know you do this mostly because you don’t want the people who you DO want to befriend to hear negative things about you. The thing is… They’ll forgive you. The people who truly love you will not only forgive you, but feel relieved THEY can stop pretending to like people they don’t like.

When you work toward a dream, don’t take jobs anyone thinks you’re going to stick with. Don’t even pretend to be happy in a job you don’t want to keep for life. On your way up is where you want people to know you are.

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